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Feb 28 · 251
loudness
carbonrain Feb 28
the music is too loud
the voices are too loud
just turn it all down
turn it all down
Jan 5 · 2.6k
all for now
carbonrain Jan 5
I love her.
I want to wake up next to her.
But last night we didn't say see you later,
we said goodbye.
Dec 2018 · 233
secret stars scattered
carbonrain Dec 2018
maybe someday I'll give you everything inside of me.
maybe someday we'll hold each other and this time  -  not let go.
you inhale the gold dust kept in an urn as you open it to scatter the ashes.
like secret stars that aren't allowed to shine.
the light has gone out of my life. X
Dec 2018 · 79
human. being.
carbonrain Dec 2018
come to you, ever hopeful me
angel's deathbed, my smallest fear
I felt alone even though I was accompanied by the seatbelt warning alarm
Dec 2018 · 188
White Space Conflict
carbonrain Dec 2018
We're just two skeletons that never touch.

I'm just a cigarette smoking meat eater with hot feet.

You're just as scared as me with a worse temper.

I admire the quality of the fabric you choose to drape across your skin.
Dec 2018 · 316
two's day
carbonrain Dec 2018
the day of the sun precedes the day of the moon, as if to remind us of the light within that reflects in the dark. and maybe we share that same light? how utterly and cosmically beautiful.
Dec 2018 · 361
Escape
carbonrain Dec 2018
There's an exit sign above the shrine.
It reminds me I can leave at any time.
There is no clock, though.
That reminds me that it's all relative.
Dec 2018 · 160
a while back
carbonrain Dec 2018
a while back.
a colander full of popcorn.
a blue light in my corner of the house.
a dying man more cheerful than I am.
a sofa or a bed, never both full.
everyone wants to be alone.
no distractions, only work to do.
forgotten hot dogs in the crisper - better put them back.
memories of phantom pizza from the last time we were happy - I've reheated these leftovers over and over - the plate burns my fingertips - maybe I won't have an identity - maybe I can start over - maybe i can do it right next time, how I was supposed to do it right this time, the last time, and the time before that.
the refrigerator door seals my fate.
plants of the same seed grow farther apart, reaching for their own sun in the sky.
Dec 2018 · 180
heavy martyr
carbonrain Dec 2018
hello there,
midnight in a stalemate hug,
you there,
flirting with the mistress of yesterday's wind,
the enraptured soul,
the solemn crowd on a bridge of flowers,
waiting for an enemy that doesn't show up,
fear is near,
dear one,
and you can taste it warm and sweet,
and what if each scar were a reminder of your good intentions,
ones you can roll between your fingers like a mala prayer bead,
and not let all they say be all you hear,
though there are sunrises you may never see in this life,
you are the mountains of clouds billowing the infinite of the all,
and you always remember to have one foot on the bedrock of the earth,
and the other on the tail of a tiger.
carbonrain Dec 2018
I opened the gate to my backyard and walked into the valley where I can feel the heat of the light - I love you too much to let you love me

I'm not the guy the lady looks at when she turns around - I don't want you to see my eyes, I want you to look at me and see you

His body's tomorrow is his mind's tonight - you are the line, my dear

it only costs twenty bucks to change your name
Dec 2018 · 255
naked space
carbonrain Dec 2018
i moonlight as the sunshine in your darkest dreams

i am the gateway the kingdom and the key.

  i'll settle for reality, though I am, after all

   to the last sunrise, the cult leader is, in effect, ineffective

    in the same state of mind, but a different state of the union

     because no one is willing to remember what they already forgot
carbonrain Dec 2018
I can feel your heart ache under your soft, warm skin as I glide my fingers along your gold-mended pottery fractures. Skating on the glaze you've let me peer beneath to reveal your raw materials. We used to use air and clay and water to speak, now we communicate in a wordless language, born of naked otherworldly splendor.  — and  that planet, your body, I long to explore.
Mar 2017 · 597
The Journal of Abject Shit
carbonrain Mar 2017
Their souls had spoken. Rushed off into adventure fueled by mania without first breaking the ice. These talks were between new friends. Altogether anchored by deathless subjects, they deliberated naively over a shared *** of bone apple tea. The glass was broken, but this was no emergency - just heavy words minced by chattering teeth.

Hesitating only slightly, they took a death pledge. “I’m bad and it’s not worth it,” she said. “You’ll be disappointed by me too, and I’ll bet my life on it,” he returned. They chuckled sheepishly. “You’re going to miss this too”, sang the younger sibling.

Of course, their conversation was purely conjecture, subject matter the victor of a game of happenstance, mutilated in transcription, like notes copied over the shoulder from someone else’s lecture.

Still, he hoped it didn’t matter, and without hope, it didn’t matter. Perhaps this was merely thinkful wishing. “I was a single digit, a gorilla in a concrete jungle,” his words seemed to suggest. “A flightless bird makes good food for thought. Fight or flight, fight the good fight. Always choose your battles wisely, and never speak in absolutes.” she recommended.

“It’s got to be somewhere; everything’s somewhere, but, everywhere else is not here.” he wondered. She could read between the lines; and left to write. “Stop being ungrateful and just close your eyes.” She closed the door, and he opened a window. Then, like some thinly sliced avocado that didn’t quite make the cut, he fell asleep.
Apr 2015 · 9.1k
raindrops
carbonrain Apr 2015
raindrops bounce on
the window frame,
reminding me we're
in this room together.

your words are raindrops
playing on my metal frame -
nowness splatters
into existence  -
you remind me that
someday we won't be
in this room together.

you repeat endlessly
between my ears -
I sing along to my favorite song -
I want to tell you
all the lyrics
but my words fall
like raindrops.

unspoken are my
tear-shaped raindrops -
their tremors taunt me
on this side of the pane -
you remind me that
we were always
in the wrong
alternate universe.

the raindrops refract
your light,
dissolving a warm glow
into the evening fog,
you remind me that you're gone.

maybe the rain stopped,
but the silence is only
the absence of your voice,
the rest is just noise.

I think of our raindrops now -
smiling -
knowing that you have an umbrella.
carbonrain May 2014
how does someone imagine fire when all they've seen is ice?
how does someone so rare ever feel bored?
how does someone like you not think you're an alien?

how do you imagine hell when you live in mine?
how do you imagine heaven when you have no sky?

"We're rare, we're first, or we're ******."
This was inspired by reading an article about the Fermi Paradox on Gizmodo; beit.so/TheFermiParadox .
May 2014 · 420
wretched sea
carbonrain May 2014
they’ve got no name for me,
i lost it to the wretched sea;
missing ship with no name,
waves of days all rain the same.

playing god takes its toll;
lost my little wretched soul.
oceans birth sea of death,
i’m only one left.

they've got no name for me,
i lost it to the wretched sea.
___

dying along the way,
better think of something quick.
sailing a long, long way,
the wretched sea guides my trip.

___
take my time, take a bow,
but only when you show me how.
missed a step, lost my place:
welcome to the human race.

blood runs deep, and the water’s cold;
never doing what i’m told.
mud is thick, conscious drips,
the low-light hanging moon dips.

they've got no name for me,
i lost it to the wretched sea.
___

dying along the way,
better think of something quick.
sailing a long, long way,
the wretched sea guides my trip.
carbonrain May 2014
there's nothing a clock can tell you that you don't already know. but me? i can tell you anything.

just ask.

there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to see the teeth you have on the outside. those ones that make others hurt on the inside?

let's just go back to that reality we agreed on as a species, ok? maybe then we'd be able to move along...

...we could, but someone always gets hurt.

put those teeth away.

and you? you think that solving a problem will make things better?

you're forgetting someone.
you're forgetting something.

you don't have all the answers, you just make **** up you ******* liar.

but it's not lying to you, is it? no object is lying to you?
but it's not lying to you, is it? you don't consider this a lie?

it's OK, because you convinced yourself of your lie. you made it true and shared the core "knowledge" so others believed you. that's a lie.
carbonrain May 2014
Won't you figure it out for me?
Isn't that what I'm paying you for?
You say some stuff and write a script,
then you send me out through the door.

You knew my best friend since I was ten.
You knew my old man for me.
You knew the word before it left my mouth,
and then you told me what it means.

I want my day in court
I want my trial:
I want my 'tempt at a fix.
Won't you please just diagnose me or make it up for DSM VI?
Just make it up for DSM VI.

I want a mile, but you give an inch; genetic tendencies.
I've got a void, you've got a cure, but this session's just preliminary.
This session's just preliminary.
carbonrain May 2014
I made my own stop.
I made my own end of the line.
  I made my own terminal.
   I end here.

Someone died here today;
the start of their journey,
and the end of my own.

   oil  blood  *****
    fluids of mechanic and natural origins.
     I peddle my wares;
      I sell my sweat;

I am an energy salesman.

I ride this rail on rubber, not steel.
I do not intend to steer clear
but still be clear when the front-end is near.

Electric elephants bound to acrobat playgrounds.
Painted Tusks as valuable as my soul.

I do not meddle with my pedal:
joules of life grow more valuable.

energy exchanged
This was inspired by a woman that crashed her car into a trolley.
carbonrain May 2014
sell valuables to pay for the funeral
or
dump the corpse and make a profit

let's make a profit

sell his ideas piecemeal to keep his spirit alive
or
sell his ideas to keep your addiction alive

let's be junkies

but he's worthless.
wasn't he always worthless? otherwise, he wouldn't have
killed himself.

maybe he hated you more than himself
maybe he never had the eyes capable of seeing love
maybe he's just selfish

the suicide hotline dropped his call, after all
how's a demented ***** supposed to perceive that?

you can't take it with you:
he knew that.
i don't think he wanted any of it when he was alive because it was just superficial asphalt repair for the potholes in his soul.

the road had to stop somewhere.
Jul 2013 · 594
it's not always known
carbonrain Jul 2013
alien presence from womb to tomb,
in every room that awkward stare; that awkward glare;
what are you doing here? i don't know you. i don't want to know you.

amiable how-do from me to you,
my face may protract to a hue of blue; just a react' to the chance of contact.

and why this now after so many years?
have i not been open? - must i declare my fears?
must i be bare from skin to bone to even feel scarcely at home?

it must be the i - and not be the you -
because it's not in the eye - it's me that's askew

so now each day with the ebb and the flow,
the torturing, twisting, tightening is kept far below -
a smile, a wave, a friendly slight nod of the head;
i may seem warm, but i'm already dead.
Jan 2013 · 438
Kill Me
carbonrain Jan 2013
Keep our interaction interesting, but not too long, and
I'll try my best to get along with everyone;
Lovers and liars that push and pull the mind.
Losers are just prophets that got left behind.

My only goal is to forget the past, but
Everyday it kicks my ***; **** me.
Dec 2012 · 426
Where Her Beauty Lies
carbonrain Dec 2012
Who is She that has me feeling the way that I do? Who am I to question why a beauty exists so honest and true?
That essence is back, from before my heart was black, of when I was a youth.  

What is it though that compels me so to treat Her the way that I do? What is it now that always somehow strangles me til I'm blue?
A clogging vein, but a slight refrain of the days when everything felt new.

Where Her beauty lies, somewhere in my mind I take it to be fact. Where am I when I react and my self-control has snapped?
The sound of her voice, a wonderful choice for those who remain intact.

Why is Her priceless beauty deceiving? Why am I the one believing that it's all that I can afford?
That unopened door? It seems ajar... But I wonder: what is the quickest way to Her heart?

When Her beauty lies and where the lovers fail is how we came to be. How we are and what we chose still confuses me. But who are they to ask us why, just leave these lovers free.

How is it so that the stars still glow when the sky has fallen apart? How can I dream a big enough dream for both you and me? The regret it seems has flooded the dreams that we used to share. But here at Her grave I must be brave looking into her closed eyes. For this is where it all began, and where Her beauty lies.
Dec 2012 · 308
Keep Your Head
carbonrain Dec 2012
I'm trying to stay asleep
As I toss and turn
But there's something on my mind
Another lesson to learn

You want a minute of my time
I want a minute of some sleep
You want to borrow a dime
I want to borrow a dream

I want to get off this train
But it's just in my mind
Doors are shut that used to let me in
But I've got a ticket to ride

I like to think that it's alright now
But I might be wrong
I like say it'll all work out somehow
But I'm too far gone
Dec 2012 · 667
Cycles
carbonrain Dec 2012
Reigning king,
Raining blood;
End of times,
Returning floods.

Electric noose,
Diviner's code;
Out with the in and out with the old.

Go back to the start of anything new;
A cycle of dreams that never come true.

I'm stuck with the mess that you've made for me.
I'm stuck with this wreck of filth and greed.
I've tried my best to fix this tired and broken bed,
But as it is, I'll be freer when I'm dead.

Inspiring art,
Inspiring fraud.
Long live the pirates, and death to your god.

The cycle of life spins again,
But where will you be when they open-up your head?

I'm stuck in this nest that you've made for me.
I'm stuck with this wreck of filth and greed.
I've tried my best to fix this tired and broken bed,
But as it is, I'll be freer when I'm dead.

Designing dreams,
Designer drugs;
An illusive freedom plagued with bugs.

What will be left when you die?
Only the carnage; no memories left behind.

I'm stuck in this noose that you've tied for me.
I'm stuck with this wreck of filth and greed.
I've tried my best to fix this tired and broken bed,
But as it is, I'll be freer when I'm dead.

— The End —