Residing in a slum of fear
Nightmares of succumbing to reality's gravity
fumbling over

Wondering in dreams I once plundered with
Thinking of the insufficient number of "I love yous" exchanged for your brutal remarks
Recounting each moment where you came first and I went last
That's all I have left of our past

They say its okay, that it'll never hurt
They say just know your limits
Don't get caught in between the dream of a nonexistent reality

Complicated is an understatement
Nonexistent is simply too harsh

If it never existed how can you crave it
If it never walked up to and acknowledged you presence
                                                                                       how can you greet it
A complicated nonexistent envy of love

A tear here a tear there
What if I made the wrong decision?
He told me it was love
HE promised never to hurt
He told me a lot of things
Which ones Are true, I don't Know

I wanted to be her
I envied your dedication
The two of you so compatible
Yet we're simply complex
I will never be the stream running through those veins
The rhythmic beat of a heart that forces a smile of perfection across your face
I wonder do I make you as happy as the one who breeds your kin
A sad disfunction
A game I'm a afraid I will never win
I want to feel the beat of your heart flow through my vains
Then maybe just maybe it will be the music in my ear that gives comfort when it rains
I wanted to be her
A pattern in your soul
A continious reminder that we too could get through the bad days
I wanted to be her
But I realized my aspiration were simply too high

Questioning all the hurt you once felt
Wondering if love could occupy a dark place that self identifies as "heart"
Wanting to let go of a past that once tormented your every slumber
its hard to conquer something you never knew exsist

At some point you shut down
       In fear of it all
At some point you tremble with pain
       causing you to fall
A glimpse of your past
Awaiting your return
Ignoring it while your flesh still.   Yerns

Casual and confusing
Hurtful and decieving
               Love
     The opposite of it all
The true form of passion
      What I envy the most

I have become a comical blend of dis-function and lust

For a brief moment I thought you loved me too

I caught a glimpse of perfection
                                            But it rejected me.

I laid there, settle and relaxed
Separated from my troubles
My mind at ease from the sound of music
Dreams flashing through my mind
Waves crashing against my skin
But yet still I remain calm
Muscles relaxed and vision cleared
Tears have dried and no more fears
Days seem longer
But yet time seems to move fast
And still I remain calm
Her precious grace enters my presence
I hear her laugh and see her smile
Wash my face to see her clearer
Causing my heart beats for miles
Then I wonder, Can you hear me?
But yet I still remain calm
My mind is open
And heart is ready for battle
My hand is out to you
But my life receives no “amble’
And here I lay open again  
But guess what
I still remain calm
Unaware of how you feel and what you want
But yet I still for some reason
Remain calm!