writers block;
sometimes pain
can’t be written.

The stars are falling off my ceiling.

I'm paying bills,
Buying college books,
Saving for a car,

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

My calendar is full
Marked with appointments
And work hours

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

My friends are getting married,
Having children,
And buying houses,

And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

Like the child
In my heart
Is emaciating,

I'm twenty years old,
And the stars are falling off my ceiling.

I was on my way to a party
Dressed in heels and a crop top
When I entered the corner store
To purchase some snacks
And on my way to the cashier
A man standing in an aisle
Browsing through peanuts
Glanced up and stopped mid-search
When I clicked past him
And proceeded to uncomfortably stare

I walked into the gas station
Wearing dark wash jeans and a v-neck
With my best friend at 2 AM
When two drunken men stumbled in
And began eyeing us up and smirking
My friend leaned in to me and whispered,
     "I'm really scared."
Overhearing her, one man elbowed the other
And with a smile on his face taunted,
          "Oh no, we're scaring them."

I was at the laundry mat one night
Wearing shorts and a baggy shirt
When a middle aged man across the room
Kept gawking at me from over the washers
Uneasy, I went outside to smoke
To which he stood at the window
And kept a close eye on me
I called a friend and stayed on the phone
Because I was afraid to go back
And get my clothes alone

I stepped out of my vehicle
In my sweatpants and flipflops
To grab some cigarettes quick
When a white bearded man
Was already at my heels
"Hey, how're you honey?"
I quickly replied, "fine".
And hurried into the store
Without looking back

It seems like every time I leave the house
It doesn't matter what I'm wearing
It could be "provocative" or a burlap sack
I always end up feeling threatened
     Heartbeat in my ears
          Cold sweat on my back
So don't blame it on my outfit
Don't blame it on my actions
Because I'm not asking for it
I just want to be left alone

Take my light,
I don't want it without you.
Leave me without hope,
carry it into the blue.
Tie down your future
with the penny I'll throw.
Teach me how to play dead,
and I will let you go.

Put me in your shoes,
and tell me something is missing.
Tell me, from now on,
my life is simply existing.
Take my smile and my eyes
and I will take on yours.
I will resent you for your joy,
but never tell, of course.

I'll let you leave,
I'll stop obsessing,
If you do this for me.
All I ask is that you strip me of my optimism,
and leave me simply to be.

And you'll walk away with purpose.
Walk with hope of something.
Live in the light of promise.
And I will aspire to nothing.

A part of me has passed,
but I’m remiss to grieve it.
In fact I think it best,
should I decide to leave it.

What part of me is gone?
You may have thought to wonder.
Many hours I have lost,
sitting silently to ponder.

Even knowledge of the loss,
first took me by surprise.
Whatever part of me has left,
has left without goodbyes.

I guess it matters not,
what is lost is soon forgotten.
Why spare a passing thought,
of how it’s loss was first begotten.