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Lost Feb 8
I’ve checked in
For the first time
In my life

I expected that
Having a plan
Would make me feel
Like I’ve figured
Things out

But I’ll be ******
If I didn’t end up
Feeling the exact
Same way

I guess that when
You go to bed alone
The way you feel
Doesn’t really change
Lost Feb 5
Old habits
Die hard
But killing me
Is harder
Lost Jan 31
I’m not your fallback
I’m not your *******
I’m not your girl
And I never was

**** your face
**** your soft gentle lips
**** everything we ever did

You hurt me
You hurt my heart
You hurt my self-worth
You should be ashamed

I’m not your *****
I’m nobody’s *****
Never again
Will I give my body so freely
To toxic people like you
You nasty ******* ****
Done with toxic *******. Done with being used. He can say he’s sorry all he wants, but sorrys won’t cut it this time, ******.
Lost Jan 21
You have always been there
Right at my side
My only constant
My only rock
Was that you were there
You never stopped

You hurt me
But you’re familiar
I come back to you

You bind my chest
You ignite the air
In my heaving lungs
Each evening I fall to rest
Sleep saps my being sweetly
And I meet you in my dreams

You hurt me
But I love you
You teach me
And I seek you

Without you
I am not a poet
Without you I cannot learn
My pain is suffocating
But it is worth the hurt
Lost Jan 20
I like being wrapped in blankets
And hiding in small spaces
I think it makes me feel more secure

I trash my living spaces and fill them up
It’s like the presence of empty space
Represents the uncertainty in my life
So I eliminate any openness
To ensure that anxiety can’t hide
Behind furniture or under the bed

I occupy my space with a protective layer
Of garbage and disorganization

It’s not on purpose

I don’t like it

The clutter of my room or my car
Often reflects the clutter in my mind

I think I do it
So I can feel
Hidden and safe
Lost Jan 20
i am a vortex
a black hole
collapsing in

i am a balloon
filled with air
stretched thin
and stuffed full

i want to be nothing
to return all of the space and time
i have taken up

i want to be recycled
and scattered back into the cosmos
every particle and memory
Lost Jan 16
I used to bike in circles
On long summer days
Waiting for someone
Or something to be my escape
From the walls of my double wide
Where every night I would hide

I punched a hole in my wall
That my mom covered with an inspiring quote
I took a pin it was hung with
And stabbed and ripped it all
To plaster over someone’s pain
Is a ******* ******* shame
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