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Lost 4d
Down and
Down and
Down down down

Where am I falling
That goes so ******* far
Down?

Am I even falling?
Is this open air?
Or am I sinking—
Drowning in despair?

All I know is gravity
Weighing down inside of me
Squashing my guts
Riding me
Gravity is on top
I am bottoming

Submissive in nature
I perceive myself as helpless
My environment dictates all
She is my strict mistress
No control over my fall
I sink further into distress

I stopped wondering where I’m going
All I know is it’s down
Spinning, twirling in my descent
The world around me whirling about
I stopped wondering where I’m going
And started to look around
At the sky drifting farther away
And the impending ground
Lost Sep 29
Globally speaking
I see humans wreaking
Havoc on this earth
More garbage than dirt
Less respect for nature
Plastic island in the ocean
Drastic climate changes predicted
I see it on the news boldly printed
Yet people are complacent
Ignorant or skeptic

Personally speaking
I’m never meeting
Up with my friends
Always in the end
Every evening is spent
Alone in my bed
Every text that is sent
Every snap or DM
Never answering back
The screen remains black

I just look around
And feel settling an internal frown
Throw up a mental white flag
Decide to not be consumed by the bad
I lay down at night
Only to be kept up by fright
Less of fright and more of dread
I feel alone and stuck in my head
Wondering if this is it
Living life alone and upset
Wondering when a shift will happen
And I’ll start feeling less exhausted
Feeling stuck and alone.
I want to hurt myself but I won’t.
Crisis operators really bug me,
So I think I’ll just try and go to sleep.
Lost Sep 24
I FEEL SO HELPLESS
Swept away in the riptide
The waves wash over me
Shaping me
Into something
Unrecognizable
I look almost the same
There’s just less of me
Eroded, soft, smooth
Stationary
Yet moved
There’s less of me
But what remains is still solid
River rock stolid
I stay in the same place
Because it doesn’t matter where I go
This oppressive water
It drowns everything
Underwater
It stings
But it’s the closest I can get
To seeing clearly
Garbled
     Alphabet soup
Scribbling
     Every word
Nothing expressing
The weight of fate
How heavy
How thick
Swimming in
Cough syrup
Distressed about climate change tonight. Writing about it and hoping/trying to inform myself.
Lost Sep 19
I am an abandoned ship floating at sea
Like a message in a bottle, I bob aimlessly
I drift along waiting to find my respective shore
But I find open waters and row my tired oars

I am fawn lost without a guiding mother
Wandering the wilderness and searching for another
My spindly legs fail me and the buckle under my weight
I collapse in the grass and decide all I can do is wait

I am balloon that was let go to sail into the endless blue
Gradually drifting higher and higher with nowhere to go to
I know sometime I’ll pop and that it may be soon
But for now I fly not trying to predict my doom

I am a pair of shoes tied together and thrown around an electric line
I have all the time in the world to dangle as the days wash by
My fabric has worn and lost its color but my shape holds true
Laces suspend me in this purgatory of treetop views

I am an abandoned ship floating at sea
Like all the other things I am, I’m living quite lonely
Feeling lost occupies the majority of my time
So I spend my days whiling away and working my mind
Writing now and then just to remind myself that I’m alive
That my thoughts and words are as tangible as relentless time
Ticking away the clock stays as consistent as my rhyme
Structure and hope are all I have to cope and keep me alright
I wax and wane with my commitment, it’s a shame,
But I think I’m doing pretty fine
Lost Sep 16
I walk slowly
I’m pretty out of shape
But I think
I walk slowly
I talk slowly
Because I have other weight
Dragging me down
I have regret around my ankles
Guilt shackling my wrists
Impending doom
Like a barbed wire corset
Holding me back
******* me in
I’m afraid to move too much
I calculate my actions carefully
In order to control the damage
Reduce the harm
I walk pretty slowly
I stroll wherever I go
But it’s not leisurely
It’s achingly
Steps shaded with shame
Strides laced with dread
I
Walk
Slowly
Lost Sep 11
I always feel like a compass spinning
Directionless, I can hardly see
The paths I could take
To the places I need to be
But I trudge on, aimlessly
“My compass spins, the wilderness remains” - Bright Eyes
Lost Sep 8
I can’t remember the last time
A day went by where
I didn’t think of you

I can’t believe how many months
Have gone by without
You still being
Just a phone call away

I can’t say how sorry
How deeply I apologize
For every single thing

I can’t cry over you
But I still get sad
I think only so many
Tears can be shed
Before you have to put
The thought to rest
Missing an old friend lately. Really, for the last eight months. That’s okay though. This too shall pass.
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