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Cali Feb 2018
Its been nearly a month without you
We still talk everyday
You're back in Romania now
as far as I know, you're staying there
Its midnight here.
I started crying because I heard your voice
"keep smiling babe."
It still hurts
Its still a fresh cut
I wish you could see me in my yellow dress
I wish you could take it off
I wish I could hear that laugh echo through your apartment
All these wishes and I don't know how to act upon them
What if we see the same shooting star a second apart?
Life is difficult
I wish I told you how I felt
How I feel
Maybe you would feel the same
Maybe you would tell me it'll never work and I can finally move on
I have a fear and thats it
Soon ill occupy myself with someone who is half the person you are
I need a distraction but I also need you
So at night ill drop my tears
But during the day, I promise you, babe
Im still smiling
from my notes
Cali Feb 2018
Day 1

Its been 15 days without you
We haven't talked in 3
I'm still vulnerable and I don't think it will subside soon
Usually I have them well out of my system by now
But I'm afraid you're the fluid and not the needle itself
I'm willing to hit rock bottom if you're a sunken anchor
Everybody fooled me
You didn't try to

15:31
from my notes
Cali Feb 2018
You looked extra pale that night
I think thats when I fell in love with you
You made me feel like I wasn't the only one dying
From my notes
Cali Oct 2017
Standing right next to the speaker
I can feel the bass in my chest
the drink in my hand
is becoming less
but I'm feeling more

you sent a text
you'll pick me up in 30

dressed in all black
supreme baseball cap
wrapped my hands around your waist
helmet covering my face
the nights still young
it could take us anywhere
but at this point
who really cares?

Dear Scorpion,
you can trust me
I can trust you
love is enough
don't tell me that's false
I can see right through
your built up walls
but
break them down
put your stinger down
**** the venom out  
from your last bite
treat me like I'm your last try

Doing 40 trying to get me home
so I can get dolled up
meet you at the club
stare at each other from all your spots
then its time to get Cinderella home
the clocks hit 13:30
start the engine
grab some sexies
go home to chill
smoke some more sheesh
ill lay my head
on the latin
next to the chip you got
from your father
look at each other
face to face
im trying not to think about
how soon ill be replaced
one more month until im out of here
ill be sky high flying hoping youll follow me

Dear Scorpion,
I'm afraid too
I know we can't see the sky in this city
but thank God your eyes are blue
I could inhale the way you roll your "R's"
before I exhale in your native language
I'm running with the wolves on this one
but you and I
we are something so dangerous
we could keep gardens alive with our laughter
and host dinners with our jokes
and cook meals with our kisses
I think Im trying to say
we are perfect for each other
but i'm not that predictable
and please don't say that you aren't either
because I can already imagine
what your next one looks like


back seat of a taxi
eyes blood shot
got no sleep
5 am
your left hand
on my right knee
in a hurry to catch a flight
but in no rush
to say goodbye
I hope I see you in another life
even though we will be
under the same moon
may we meet again
I pray that I see you soon
woah
i wrote this so ******* fast
Cali Mar 2016
Art
You never appreciated such

until he touched you and told you that if you were in a room full of people, you would be too delicate to take pictures of. He rubbed your arms like you were an oil painting. He kissed your cheeked and it felt like a brush swiping a canvas. But you forgot that you were the painting hanging on the wall. You took pictures of him every chance you got, and he never returned. You looked at him like he wasn't for sale. You saw him as priceless, something hanging in France. You lost your worth. The museum closed on you and the only thing you could feel was black splattering through your life. But you're still a prize, he left but you're still worth more than a few sweet words. You lost yourself in white paint and now you feel like a grey blotch. The lights are off and you're still hanging in the Louvre. The museum may close and the people may leave, but a masterpiece is a masterpiece even when nobody's looking. Hes a sketch, an idea, a rough draft. You, you are a work of art.
Cali Dec 2014
I hope every time I scratch his back
And whisper in his ear
You feel it
I hope it makes you feel sick to
Your stomach
And I want you to dance with her
To our song
At your first concert together

Her finger nail marks
And purple love wounds
Will have my DNA all over you
It's gonna be me punching you in the gut
When she doesn't return your texts
Or calls anymore

I'll knock the air out of you when you can't accomplish something
I'm the slamming doors and broken pencils
All around you

Every pill you take for the next
10 years
Will have my initials on it

My insanity
Will make you puke your brains out
And you can call me crazy
But insanity is beautiful
And you're gonna get bored
Without me

The ugliness of normality
Will wrap around your face
And try to stick it's fist in your mouth

You'll gag until you say my name in vein

The dots in every punctuation mark
At the end of every sentence
You'll ever mutter
Will be one of my blinks
From waking up in the middle of the night
To find you with someone else
Asleep

My therapist will get all of the gifts I gave you
And they will hoard the memories
So I don't have to anymore

I've been doing well, only a couple stitches.
But how do u heal a scar that can't be seen
You're the thread and I'm the wound
But we are both the blood

You'll wake up to me screaming in your dreams
To find rose petals all over ur bed
Thorns in ur ankles

Sorry you had to speak at my funeral
He left me
Cali Nov 2014
trust
reliance
shoved down my throat
while I gag
eyes are tearing up
each water droplet filled
with lies I found out months later
smells like onions
makes me sick
and I cant breathe
I spit it back up
tastes like cow tongue
makes its way up to my head
pandering on the meaning
on its depth
as it kills my brain cells
I cant stand it
it doesn't make sense
a contradiction of actions versus words
calumny
I took medication to redress the monster from
my mind
its floating in my cheeks
I am not flustered
don't be fooled
more like filled with animosity
of a fictional belief that we all should lay bare
I refuse to swallow what is held inside me
what you forced me to postulate
I wont let it sink into my heart
I spit it out
while we kiss
its now with you
and I've never been so illustrious to do something
such sweet revenge
I hope you choke on it
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