Today,
a cloud has weeped for me,
she poured her tears upon my
face and washed my wounds

People call the
sky’s tears as rain,
but my tears are salty
and dripping with pain

My heart sings
the bluest song,
but no one is
around to hear it

I hope one day,
my heart sings
a yellow song
that rhymes with
happiness and serenity

Love, do as you wish
with my aching body,
but do not leave any bruises

Destroy what is left
of my heart, if you must,
but do not leave me again

I know that I am the thorns,
and you are the ever blooming rose

So why am I
the one bleeding?

Darling one,
I only ask that you
dance in my blood,
and drink it as if wine

Bloom for me

The rain is pouring,
an orchid is drowning,
and you are still sleeping

My heart is grief,
my skin is blood,
my voice is silence,
my soul is loneliness,
and my promise is broken

I could swear I’ve felt your touch once,
I wonder why you couldn’t
bare seeing my raw wounds?

You know,
it is never gentle to disturb
the dead with the promise of love
So why did you do it, darling?

I’m sorry I couldn’t forget,
but you’re my first memory

I’m sorry you left,
it’s brutal how you
were able to forget
as I kept remembering,
bleeding,
and remembering still

I beg of you to forget me,
so I can forget me too

Let me keep my life,
and you keep yours

As I stood by a window  
smoking a mint cigarette
at my miserable job

I saw two butterflies
flying together

One was orange, and
the other was white  

Two lovesome creatures
existing at the same time as us

The orange one made
me picture you peeling a
clementine to share with me

The white one reminded me
that there is still beauty in life,
and it is greater than my pain

There are more butterflies
that I have not seen yet, and
I wish I could see them with you

Will you help me carry my sadness
and throw it away in a deep well?

Will you visit me in a dream and help
me face my heart-wrenching dreams?

Will you wish me goodnight
before you leave me tonight?

Will you handle this foreign heart of mine,
or are you going to abandon it for another refuge?

All I ask is, will I ever be
welcome in your heart, again?

I spoke with
your heavy eyelids, and
its darkness pulled me in
to find my missing path

I asked the tear
as it sheds from
your eyes to touch
the curves of your face,
if I’m welcome in your heart

Can you handle my foreign heart,
or would you abandon it for another refuge?

What is it that pains you?
Is it the never-ending nights,
or do you long for death, like I do

Is the unbearable weight
of existence a burden to you,
and how can I ease it?

All I ask is,
will I ever be welcome
in your heart

You who taught me
that I can write such loving lines
only if it is you reading them

But now I ruin myself
because I know no matter
how many brutal lines I write

I will never get to see
your face light up
as you read them

In the midst of her loneliness,
she sings a song of agony,
but no one is around to hear it

Her voice fades away in the cold air;
as she sinks slowly into the darkness
that surrounds her anguished heart

I played their favorite songs,
I wrote them endless lines

I gave them my mind to haunt,
I used my wrists as bait,
and they were thirsty for blood

I shrink as they grow,
I dissolve as they emerge

I can’t remember

  can’t remember

           remember?

What’s feeding on my memory?

I can’t remember anything
                            who I am
                            how I ended up here
                            my friends
                            if I have any friends
                            why he abandoned me
                            my day of birth
                            the way home
                            who’s fault

I’m being eaten alive by an illness
I’m being eaten alive
I’m being eaten

I remember
I remember the way
I remember the way out
I remember ******* my way out

A lover moans,
she’s singing our song
like a lone nightingale

She *******,
and it is a sign
of surrender

I wrote a poem about her and
held it against my aching heart,
it sang to me a melancholic tune

Anxiety wraps
itself around me,

like a coat that
doesn’t fit me

like a lover that
doesn’t love me

like a fire that
doesn’t warm me

My happiest moments
were always the ones
where I’m closest to death

Why shall I stay alive if death is my fate?

Those eyes,
those cold almond eyes,
that once were welcoming
at the sight of me,
like a warm welcoming home

But now they swallow me,
like the sea swallows
an old forgotten treasure

Blood is red
Veins are blue
Mix the two colors together,
and they will leave a bruise

Keep thy head underwater—
staying afloat will not
quench this thirst of yours

When my eyes met
hers for the first time,
they spelled the word “love”

I break myself with each line
I write because I can’t make
pain rhyme with happiness

Being mentally ill is draining,
so is breathing,
so is staying alive,
so is being hopelessly hopeful

But I will decay gracefully
for this pain is more than I can bear

I wrote a poem
and named it after her
because it ends too early

Every time I hear the word “love”
I think going
warmth
and then going
(don’t)

My eyes ache

they weep

a shedding of a tear

like a silent wailing sirens

Melancholy is creeping
its way back through
my veins forcing me
to open up old wounds

And I hope for
something more than
a sharpened knife,
and gushing blood

I’m breathing in
all the breaths I lost
over your gaze,

and exhaling every poems  
that rhymed with your name

nearness

I needed yours

remains abandoned

I do not know
how to grieve you

So I will weep
into my pillow

Hoping you’d hear
my gentle sobs,
and forget how to dream

Dearest one to my heart
Can you help, I’ve been longing
for every feather of your lashes?

You’ve deserted me,
and I’ve forgotten what
the word warmth meant

Maybe you are  
the word warmth,
or maybe you are
the word silence

I talk to you,
but you don’t talk back  

So instead of melting into
your cruel frigid hands,
I will melt into your deadly silence,
somehow that’s where I found warmth

Dearest one to my heart,
you’re so far,
and I’ve forgotten what
the word warmth meant

Maybe you are  
the word warmth,

or maybe you are
the word silence

I talk to you,
but you don’t talk back

This heart of mine
remembers you softly

Despite the dagger
you thrusted into it

And the gushing blood
after your departure

I welcomed madness
with open wrists

I spent my nights
alone
without loneliness

I waited for you
with a longing-pain

I wanted my soul
to be laced with yours,

but your soul
doesn’t yearn for mine

I am the lone moon
trying to reflect my light
through your window,
but you’ve shut
the curtains, long ago

I am the fallen eyelash
on your cheek,
but you threw me away
with the merciless wind

I am all the dreams
you’ve had at night,  
but have forgotten
in the morning

Love
is the glowing flame,
and you melt
as it approaches

Listen,
be careful
with that flame,
or it’ll burn you
when that love
starts to sting

They’ll decide to leave you,
and you’ll remain with nothing,
but the fading ashes of that love  

You’ll lose the passing-by warmth
that once visited your frigid heart

So light up a cigarette,
and put out the ongoing fire
inside your chest with smoke

Tonight,
I can’t hope

Like Sisyphus,
I am condemned to endure
all this heavy weight of existence

A tragic fate
with nothing,
but a never-ending struggle

I’ve abandoned hope,
and erased my dreams

“Happiness”
is only but a mere escape
from the absurdity of life

It is a false hope,
and I’ve practiced
the art of giving up

After twelve,
the bitter taste of coffee
still lingers on my lips

Alone,
I resist the idea
of another
suicide attempt

Unspoken to,
an agonizing pain
perches on my chest
like a bird on its nest

I whisper
a prayer
for a miracle
or an ending

My mind is a shrieking graveyard
that is too freighting to visit alone

Sometimes,
I hear the skulls of all the people I
have ever loved rattling inside my heart

I do not know how to quiet
down their wailings at night

I have nothing to offer them,
but my dripping pain

Alone, I weep,
lamenting their forgotten laughter

It is death
that I want

Not the warmth
she brought  

Not orchids
next to my bed

Not another
burning sunset

Not the joyful
songs of Icarus

It is but death
I yearn for

My love, did you know that the orchids
in my room shudder when I whisper
your name in a prayer?

In a dream
I drank the color
of your eyes,
and swallowed
the tone
of your voice

Aching,
I stood under the sun,
and for a fleeting moment I saw
death’s shadow aligning with mine

I am repaying my
wounded soul a visit

A distant voice tells me
“I am no longer welcome here”

It is seven
in the morning,
where I wage a war
against myself

It ends only when
I take the pill

As a bullet
lodged in my mouth,
and I was the one
to pull the trigger

I am the architect of
my own destruction

I’ve survived
a dozen of wars,
and came back alive

Wounded
but alive

For how much longer
do I have to wash my hands?  
                      sleep in the burning house?              
                      carry this heavy heart?
                      weep?
                      bleed?
                      ask for bandages?
                      hide my scars?
                      see my therapist?
                      lose touch?
                      force a smile?
                      see my reflection?
                      try to fix the brokenness?
                      adjust to new meds?
                      wish I was dead?
                      wash my hair?
                      trim my nails?
                      write these lines?
                      avoid my birthday?
                      fight the urges?
                      endure myself?
                      cling to this life?