I bit down on my lip,hard.
I drew blood.
The anxiety.
I needed to talk to you.
I was confused.
I was lost.
I needed you to explain it all to me.
I tried to talk to you before.
However you said you did not want to hear my voice again.
I'm sorry for annoying you but I need to know the answer.
The answer to all the problems.
Cautiously,
I raised up my hand to ask you about the solution to the Math question.

So the salmon soars
And the bear bitterly
feasts on their flesh.

His voice is a roar,
Yet his heart does flee
At their very sight.

A shame it may be
That a beast so kind
Causes them to die.

He wants to be free
from fate in his mind,
He can't explain why.

Is it truly sin
if one feels regret,
and would rather die?

Look at you with your smile
that illuminates life.
Thank you for this rampant
addiction.
Dancing in my mind's eye
singing that sweet old song,
and stopping my sad old
loneliness.
I look to you and see
the stars, or the ones that
bring me joy, and weave great
romance.

"You found your way
into my heart.
And it seems
your only way out,
was by tearing it apart."

You know when you told me you liked me
and I realized I liked you too I was overjoyed
You know when I told you I missed you
and you told me you did too , I was pained
In pain
Because I could not see you
because I could not express these unfamiliar emotions
that built up inside of me
For the first time I wanted someone,
you
to kiss my lips
I wanted to wrap my arms around you
and hug you  close as if you would disappear
More importantly I just wanted to see you
Stare at you in the least creepiest way possible
I wanted to be by your side and you by mine
but then this distance hit
and I was knocked out of my fantasy
and my brain started to not agree with the rest of me
and my emotions were spinning out of control
what was I to do ?
Why was it up to me to make the decision I asked you
Then you said to me
"Because either way I'll be ok"
You would be okay...
If there was an us you would be ok
If there wasn't an us you would be okay
Why does my heart hurt?
For making me say the words
that we both knew
Was cruel of you
I didn't know what else to do
And then when the decision was made
I didn't know what would happen from there
So I asked you
Do we still talk like we use to ?
Do we still flirt ?
How does this even work?
and you said to me "we're still friends "
And I thought to myself
there was never a start but
why does this feel like the end
then in my pain
I blamed you
I had asked you to help me out
You said you didn't want to influence my decision
I thought your reasoning was *******
It takes two people to be in a relationship
Then you repeated those words
It didn't matter to you so you left it up to me
Because either way you'll be ok
And I didn't know how to feel
I don't know how to feel...

I find the little pieces of you in everyone. I met a girl yesterday, her name starts with an L, like yours, and the girl I sat next to in Starbucks was reading your favourite book and the little kid I saw in the park today kinda laughs like you.

2. I heard drowning was a peaceful way to die but thoughts of you have been twisting around my arms and pulling me under and holy **** I can't breathe. Water is burning at my throat, and my eyes feel like they're being incinerated. Everything hurts. I'm falling deeper, I'm at my breaking point. My lover finds me thrashing around in bed screaming your name. Drowning is messy.

3. I asked you for a lighter to light my cigarette with since I misplaced mine. But instead you said a collection of words that set me on fire, and you watched me burn to the ground. You could've put me out. Why didn't you just ******* put me out?

4. I guess I didn't know what I was expecting. I know life is far from what the movies you love watching come to be, I know that I won't get the girl because I'm the guy whose loved her when she stopped altogether. I know that I won't get the chance to kiss you in the rain either, but I just didn't think I would get to watch you slip through my fingers and mistake you for someone to fall asleep to when I was lonely.

5. You were never into writing or anything, your favourite hobby was breaking my heart.

I apologize for the stains on the pillow case,
I could not hold it in again.
The black that seeps into the flowers on the edge,
Are just from my eyes,
A little makeup remover should do the job fine.
The clothes missing from the closet are all mine, I swear.
I left your jerseys on the dresser, folded under the picture of us.
Please forgive the mess in the kitchen,
I began to make pancakes, but found myself in a heap on the floor,
While the batter bubbled under the stove.
I was sobbing because I am going to miss everything about this house.
That is no reason to stay here, I know that now.
I will miss Sundays, the smell of brunch from the hall,
And the glow of the tv when you fall asleep.
I found you countless times on the couch,
But never thought to move you to the bed.

The bathroom should be in good order,
The hair straightener will finally be out of your way.
I cleaned up the hair that I shed all over the house,
Because I know how much you hate it.
I began to vacuum the carpets, but I kept crying on them,
The hot tears would dry under the vacuum,
But I couldn't find the energy to keep going.

I know you won't understand why I am leaving,
Which is why this letter is for you,
And why I can't be here when you come home.
Your blue eyes would just drag me back to bed,
Like they have a hundred times.
I couldn't handle the grayness of your love anymore,
The way you couldn't commit to the distant future,
Or even to tomorrow.
We shared a house for ***** sake.
I hope you find the one you need,
I hope she cleans better than me,
I'm sorry that I am hurting you.
But I am happy that this is for me.
Sincerely,
Me

You can't know
how bad it hurts
until pricking all your fingers with needles
hurts far less than pricking your heart with his words