The ghost of you is seen
Everywhere
It’s seen in the toothbrush you left
In your hurry to leave me
It’s seen in the flowers you picked
Just two days ago
When you said you loved me
And forever would be ours
The book you left on the coffee table
And the little bookmark inside
With your doodles on it
The ghost of your hand
On my palm
Your shampoo lingers on the pillow
In the bed we shared
I see you everywhere
In almost everything
It’s painful to know
That you’re still here
Yet not in any way
That has anything to do
With me.

I'm subtle like an atomic bomb
keep my words laid back and calm
my heart is a glass grenade
feel it crack when my love fades
but still, I stayed
but still, I stayed in this charade
and built around a barricade

you know I'd rather talk this out
spent a decade to you devout
by your side through the drought
so quiet we would never shout
but still, I doubt
but still, I doubt the chosen route
and if I'd prefer to go without

(your tongue a jacketed hollow point
we've never gone to bed angry...
but regret, guilt, and empty sadness
is a fragile yet different parallel)

(I suspect my veins course with
plutonium and uranium...
I leak radioactive decay,
my half-life disintegrating)

there's a stillness when I explode
for a moment, time is slowed
you're in disbelief that I'd reload
the same feelings, the same road
but still, I bowed
but still, I bowed to your code
and stayed despite what you showed

my atoms begin anew to divide
no longer stable, can I abide
I feel a part of me has died
when to leave, I must decide
but still, I cried
but still, I cried by your side
until the day I walked out in stride

(your love is a weapon
I've been held at gunpoint for so long...
I never wanted to hurt you
but I can't keep hurting myself, either)

Does life have a meaning?
Are we souls, bound in mortal shells?
Could we ever know the way-
To heaven, away from hell?

Hell, what if this is it?
No ascension, one life, one day?
And with a single mistake-
Does it all go away?

I'm scared, shaking in fear,
Could we comprehend a purpose?
Or once the candle is snuffed-
Is the melted wax worthless?

I kept giving away
tiny pieces of myself

until there was nothing left

Someone asked me to draw
Draw what heartbreak looks like
I finally got tired of drawing a broken heart
And I started drawing you