i 
met 
t  h  e 
poorest man... 
money   rendered
his heart impenetrable.

I'm like a bad
haircut
I'm like a cold coffee
you spilled
I'm the maggot
to your garbage
I'm the parasite
to your plant
I'm the tears
to your sadness.

Here I am
every single thing
I do
always makes you
suffer
more
even more

I really wished that
one day
I will be diamond
to your crown
cure
to all of your diseases
genie
to all of your
wishes

I'm sorry
I'm not perfect enough
to make us
perfect
together.


November 26th 2013, 8:33 a.m

I think
I'm finally
In a place
Where being so sore
That walking up
A flight of
Thirteen stairs
Makes my legs burn
Feels good to me.

They say I'm getting stronger.
I think they're right.

a band of pink clouds
settled in the western skies
late yesterday eve

Looking for the future
Instead we are here
Destroying the one thing we hold dear
Trying to escape the inevitable,
Of what?
Ceasing to exist
As you rot in oblivion
Or being pulled down
Into the fire of heat
Filled by our desires.
But don't give in
Don't let it capture you,
Don't build into the knots
Held down by our fear,
This unknown will never be clear
So we must stay loose along
With the ropes of our roots
For we are far better
Than the controlling devil inside
That hides in the crack
Of a moment of time
Too far away
To be in our mind

I write to ease my trouble mind, to give words to my broken emotions and to air my soul. A soul afraid of its own shadow, but filled with courage expressing sought after encouragement "tomorrow we will try again".

My true nature not even I have seen and experienced in its fullness. Hating what I see, taught to admire acceptable beauty and to shunned what might be my own unique beauty. I do not seek praise just to be seen, noticed and not ignored and labeled reject, outcast, weird and crazy

Maybe my life experience can help someone realise they are not alone. We all fight the same fight

Its funny how someone can go from a friend to a stranger
While I stay innocent like Jesus in a manger
Or untouched like Walker Texas Ranger
And yet people ask me
'Are you really acting your age huh?'

Sometimes I lay there heartbroken
And all my thoughts remain unspoken
All my friends think its a joke and
When I try to express myself
My oesophgus starts to choke ****!

I just wanna change my mentality
'F you' is what my heart keeps on telling me
Its like I'm a product and people keep on selling me
And I'm going insane
But there's no one offering hospitality

I'm stuck between being a ****
And being a nerd
Whereas life is treting me like I'm a ****
I always have dreams
But they seem kind of obsurd
My heart is always shouting
But its voice will stay unheard

No job no dignity no cry.

look again at those words,
please,
with all deliberate speed.

dig.

just a little more, a little deeper.
scrape off the foolish pride topsoil that
looks (are) rich and fertile.

god bless the child who plants themselves
roots in the ugly, hardscrabble earth.
they cannot be uprooted.
never.

you have not ever seen my picture here,
of my face,
only once I showed a single hand,
well worn from
Digging
with only fingernails.

the hands of babies are soft,
easy to kiss, easy to love.

but the hands of responsibility
are usually worn lined scarred sometimes even
nail bitten from
**** digging for dignity.

I took a deep breath ,
I took a little moment ,
Maybe a lot .
The truth is ,
I don't know .
I just don't know .
Im not trying to bringing up things that never exist .
I never know what it's called .
All i know is im sad .
But i don't know why .
Im not sad because of my flaws ,
Not because of my imperfections ,
Not because i miss somebody ,
Not because something bad happens .
It's just that sometimes i feel such a failure .
But i don't know why .
And i wonder if everyone actually feel it too .
Like me...
Took a deep breath again , sigh .
It's hurting .
It's hard to breathe .
And when i breathe , it's like my ribs cage is stabbing me .
It hurts .
Really .

I breathe .
This pain is torturing me ,
I want it to stop ,
But somehow it's addicting .

Somebody ,

Just please...

Save me .