I don't know what to write anymore.
I lost my motivation like I lost myself and
who knows when that was?
my skeleton aches to be let loose
my skin
to shed
and for lack of more to say all i want
is to be dead.

little and blue and two different shades of
something i love
it stuck in my throat the way my words always do
and later i read the description
the guide
and fluoextine hydrochloride may increase suicidal thoughts
isn't that what we were trying to get rid of?
why take it
at all?
or why only one
only once
a day

i could write poems about your eyes
and the scars on your thighs
from the nights when you stayed up so long you forgot how to sing.

i could leave kisses on your collarbone
and make you wish you were home
instead of wishing you were anywhere but where you have to eb

i could hold your hand at night
make sure you're safe and warm
where you can see the dark just enough to know its safe.

i could write your letters
to friends you hardly knew
to friend who hardly knew you or hardly wanted to

i could write your letters
in colors unacceptable
to friends who mean the world and teachers
who need to know
they mattered.

i could spread your wisdom teeth
like little seeds across your burial ground skin
and hope something finally
sinks in.

i could take you places new
where you could be someone else for just a day
and watch as you don't try
to change.

i could write poems about your eyes,
and about the scars on your thighs
from the nights you stayed up too long to dream.

i could leave you kisses on your collarbone,
if i could find it.

i could kiss the scars on your wrists
hold them in my hands and tell you
you're better than this

i could help you breathe
keep down the things you didn't want to eat
and speak softly until
you're calm.

i could bring you blankets
and blankets and blankets because it's so hot
but you freeze
in your loneliness.

i could bring you food
because you eat once a day and
you're fine with that.
you'd be fine with less.

i could sit with you
because you don't want to be alone
but you can't be there.

i could hide with you
in the small cavities of your chemistry
and we could make a star
together.

i could wrap my arms around you
hold you tight
never let you go

i could do all of these things if you were anyone else
and i would
because no one else will
but i can't.

and you can't make it alone.

foxfires,
& the monsters hiding in your closet
when it's 4:03 and the world's asleep and
streetlights burn truth into my veins,
the silence of your eyes
and
foxfires
sigh.

my mind, shaped like your mouth,
all sharp edges & wires &
hazardous,
dreamt of missing you in the way i miss waking up
at 3 am
only to fall blissfully back to
sleep.