pension

pension Aug 2018

we thought that the appreciation of bodies, sweat and body fluids
can be done via words
yet, these very moments are indescribable
Usually,
it’s with raw passion, ****** movements and words that would entice, allure and ******.

*** is never meant to be alive
*** is meant to be made a fool - pure deadness and nothing else
*** shouldn’t triumph over logic

*** should just be a motion, a connection, a feeling

pension Apr 2018

body image

body image, body image
so trifle yet so impactful
I struggle with my perception of beauty - beautiful, slender and long legs,
a nice round and perky ****
toned arms and
a flat stomach with potentially solid abs

I struggle with my own demons
myself
and the layers of fats that surround me

I can’t break free from these demonic thoughts
I am trying.

pension Mar 2018

belly bloating

ice creams, cakes and açaí bowls
fried food like fries and many more,
my palate can’t seem to get enough of these
scrumptious delights.

momentary joy and everlasting guilt,
I struggle to keep myself awake with these horrible thoughts.

my waist, my thighs have grown to be
superlatively unattractive and
ugly.
my heart is twisted dry

how can I find solace in a world which values body

much less belly bloating

#body #thoughts #fat

pension Jan 2018

“moving forward”

moving forward, we all want to move forward

It has been months since our last encounter
Yet I am still stuck in my present reverie filled with the past

Seems like moving forward doesn’t apply
Or is it me
Who just can’t seem to move forward?

pension Nov 2017

the black umbrella

my world seems to be under your umbrella
after you've decided to paint it black
your black umbrella prevents light from entering
just like how I can't feel the heat from the earth

the world became pitch-dark and sometimes,
hopefully grey
your umbrella casts a gloomy shade on the ground
just like how
my world seems to be under your umbrella

cold and clammy in the midst of the downpour
the wind howls and growls
ironically, the landscape is still
motionless and deadly quiet just like
the death of my senses and
my inability to feel the heat from the earth

#death

pension Oct 2017

please do not leave

please do not leave,
I can't take it.

please do not leave,
I am begging you once more.

please do not leave,
take me with you.

let me put your baggage away from the doorstep
let me serve you your favourite cup of coffee
hopefully, you'll stay.

the warmth of the sun is unattainable in this
harsh winter
howl howl howl,
I can only hear the guttering sound of the wind

your red hair contrast the snow
just like blood on snow
your silhouette stands there
like a dark shadow
an ominous presence in a winter that is like a Wonderland

please do not leave
the rooms are stripped
please do not leave
we have nothing left
please do not leave
I am on my knees.

pension Oct 2017

the lost, the forgotten, the aged

tock tock tock,
the minute hand has been moving faster than before
tock tock tock,
we only have twenty four hours to seize

we walk faster than the silver-haired masses
we maneuver through the crowd
with heavy bags in our hands
ear pieces stuck in our ears
while our eyes glued onto our phone screens

how fascinating

on the other side, they stroll cautiously along the road side
jerking at every beep and horn which the monstrous vehicles sound
oh look
one down
let's wait two minutes and another will be down

our apathy is disgusting
our fixation with the present and future are revolting

what has happened to pure and genuine relationships
what has happened to the human qualities which we innately own
nothing
nothing is shown
because we do not care about
the lost, the forgotten and the aged.

#current #old