In the end-
You're still worth it. You are still worth it
wished I could give you the comfort you seek

Please forget me, and **** me in your thoughts
for I am the disaster you've brought
Please forgive me, for I shattered you with words

I'm sorry
If I couldn't love you on the days I couldn't love
and for the nights I couldn't love myself
I guess that's how it really is, that love
Love cannot be given if love is not felt

take care.

I fear the day when I no longer know
the feeling of bliss when you are rewarded
the feeling of frustration when you fail
the strong emotions that make me feel human
making me feel alive, telling that I exist

I fear the day when I no longer know
the feelings captured in my memories
the memories I vividly remember,
the memories that I always try to hide under
I fear the day when the past doesn't bring
the joy or pain that is fabricated
kept in my thoughts, to never be reached

I fear the day when I no longer know
the feelings I felt when I think of the future
the ecstasy that the hope brings
the dread that the anxiety sets
I fear the moment I no longer look forward
to what tomorrow might bring

in this starry night
where the moon's nowhere to be found
the glitters in the space brightens
and in these specks of stardust
each containing a soul, a dream
wishes waiting to be fulfilled
they burn, worth a several lifetime
a significance, that the promises
tied in your fate, will be done
maybe in another timeline, different life

in the eyes of the dreaming
this night sky contains the hopes
of different beings looking
on that same night sky, filled with
stars shining on a dark space
they all find peace in the meaning
there is light in the dark
and that no matter how dim it is
it's still dazzling, its beauty perpetual
the dreaming once again prepares
maybe in another night
the dreams will be done

how wonderful it is
for your soul to be touched with love
the gentle, kind, and compassionate

forever gently touched
may your soul be a kindling fire
faithfully loved, eternally burning

Self love will always be
And will always be a struggle
It's the constant acceptance
Of you lacking, of your own flaws
It's the dissonance between
Settling for what's in store or
Trying to see what's for more

Self love is about
Answering the screams you hear
Inside your head once everything
Has settled and calmed

Self love is about
Addressing your fears, of what is
Keeping you awake at night

Self love is about
Letting your tears fall, letting your
Emotions take over every while
For self love is not about sparkles
For it is dark, painful, and tiring

It's hard, isn't it

"love is about commitment"
'then why did you leave?'

love is about commitment
but like other things, love
changes, in an instant
one moment love is blooming
one moment love is dying

and a dying love cannot commit
and a dying love cannot promise
and a dying love cannot stay

It is a lie when they told that there's nothing to lose
If someone hadn't loved you back
Never they had realized that heartbreaks happen too
when you lose your chance to make someone fall for you

It comes like a lightning
The thoughts you've buried beneath
Written on the back of your notes
Deep within your heart, it is kept
It lingers, like a strong perfume scent
Only needs a bit to last til midnight
You keep coming back and forth
Going in circles and in circles again
Like a madman running on a loop
The memories, haunting, like a ghost
The traumas, fears, doubts, a wound
You then find yourself, looking too far
Wondering if you can gaze at those
Reasons that put you in a situation
Fell on a standstill, drowned in tides
A scar on the chest, passing as its
Only band aid, deep cuts opening as
Each fragments returning in times
Past, a favorite, a comfort changing
Into a disaster full of calamities
Shattering the very foundation built
On faith, security, and assurance
It always knocks, but there are times
It forces its way in. It's unexpected
Waiting on the bus stop
Working within a deadline
Making a cup of coffee
Just lying around, tired of everything
And in your idle state, no one knows
You are quietly breaking, falling apart

It was cold, I realized
Even though it’s still summer
The gentle night breeze made me shiver
Made me reached for my dampened blanket
Longing for that ever warming comfort
I am sure there are noises
But there was only silence
Existing in that dimly lit small space
Then it dawned me, it is in all futility
To ever hear those voices inside
As it doesn’t want to be heard
It only wanted to scream a never ending
Cycle of thoughts all made up
As restless as I am, I closed my eyes
Hoping that sunrise would meet me and
Stop my mind from totally breaking apart

The night seems to be cold and dull
The moon is full yet it doesn't seem to shine
The sky is full of stars but it doesn't seem to sparkle
I wonder
Why each night is like this
I ponder
About the times when we were together
I remember
That each night was warm
That the moon seemed to shine even its not full
That the sky seemed to sparkle even there are no stars
I remember
That it happened because each night was spent with you
But then it came to me
Like a car crashing
Like a water falling
That you are not mine anymore

strip your cover and let the moonlight
shine on your innocent flesh
let me feel the lips, your rose colored
lips and tongue your mouth
let me be drawn by your skin, and the
warmth around you, how alluring
let your neck and collarbones be tasted
without reservations and guilt
we are free, this night, let our instincts
collide and override our
fear. Darling, you have nowhere to go
but to me, so let me take you
to someplace i'm sure you'll never want
to leave. let me inside you,
and ill let you claw me, for this ecstasy
can never be contained by
two bodies. Your back, your hips, every
angle of you, they drive me
god forgive me, if this angelic face of
yours, will be tainted by me

Either you lose yourself or you reach the last
both boils down to zero, marking the end, and
stretches to another beginning

This is the hardest part of the game, to start over
again and again, until you realize the futility of
repeating the same thing, of repeating the same thing.

It is in these moments you find more than what
you wish. It is in these moments you try to realize
your essence

It's okay, struggle, writhe, agonize until you squeeze
every emotion you feel. then think. after all, sunshine
cannot appear when a storm's brewing

I too, believe, that Sisyphus is happy. That in the
eternal cycle of the same act, he found a meaning,
he created a meaning.

Sing me to sleep

I ask you one last time to sing me
To sleep before I close my eyes. At
Least let me rest between your laps
To know the comfort and warmth of
Your love. I ask you one last time
To caress my hair tenderly, like a
Mother holding her child. I ask you
One last time to sing me to sleep,
For even closing my eyes would be
A task, when I know that that this
Would be the last time you’ll sing me
To sleep. I ask you one last time to
Sing me to sleep, for I know that
Next morning, breakfast wouldn’t be
Two cups of coffee, for I know that
Dinner won’t be a table for two. Sing
Me to sleep, so that I would stop on
Asking myself even though I know
The reason why. Sing me to sleep, one
Last time, so that I’ll know this is the
Last goodbye.