even though you don't
act like it
you still can't
hold me down
i feel like you
are crushing me
i can't be the things you want
let me be
my heart is
crumbling inside me
my hope is
it's our love
Reads top to bottom and bottom to top
If I were to write about you
I'd write with my eyes closed
I'd reach for words from my mind like
I reach for you in my darkest hours
I'm not a poet
If I were to write
*I'd write about you
At the time it was worth it,
to be hooked like a fish,
baited by the bottle,
strung on it for years,
Written in another's view.
I can't write these sentences anymore,
or piece them together
to make sense,
crafting coherent thoughts
is hard enough...
words could never express
half of what i'm feeling.
It's getting harder and harder
to feel human anymore.
Her eyes had cast down,
burning into the tiles below,
I didn't know white linolium flecked with black spots could be so interesting.
But to her they were.
To her it was more important,
to prove how much I meant,
by showing interest in a
dirt smudged walkway,
over sharing a passing glance at me.
Doctors and Clinical Psycologists diagnose Depression as:
A mood disorder causing a persistent feeling of sadness or lost of interest.
Sadness however is just a side affect of depression.
The real culprit is exhaustion.
that the world hasn't changed.
that your career hasn't changed.
that you are poor.
that your family or other people around you havent changed.
because you cant seem to fit in with them.
you cant seem to change your appearance.
because you cannot change your personality.
because you are recognized for a fake smile.
because you are not recognized at all.
Exhaustion strikes because you are ultimately unable to change the mechanics in the grand machine that is your life.
You are stuck in a never ending loop.
A cycle of what you feel is a wasted life.
A life you feel you are powerless to change because you are too exhausted
to do so.
This is the true meaning of depression:
The desperate, crippling, aching, hurt you feel.
The heavy signs you release at the end of the day.
The anger that rips and shakes through your body.
The screams and sobs you let fly deep into your pillow so nobody hears.
The silent pool of tears that stream down your face at night.
The ones that cling and stain your cheek.
All the emotions that stop when you finally sleep, when everything stops and you are taken by the dark void of a dreamland, when the exhaustion finally ends.
With a life like ours
can you really blame the exhausted,
For wanting to sleep forever?
Just felt like this needed to be said. I used to feel so exhausted when I was in my really bad stages of Depression. A lot of people dont understand the pain because it's in your mind. But it's as real as a broken arm or leg.
I love you enough
to know you only love yourself.