I fell in love with a boy.
He was tatted and different than any other guy i ever met.
we met in the most funny of ways, working in a subway together, we talked almost all day.
texting and calling I fell for the guy who was not my type.
to short and way to old but i guess love truly has no numbers.
we talked about everything his daughter, my family and his, our friends and what brought us so far from home.
we laughed a lot and it was so simple we became fast friends.
then one night we went from friends to those with "benefits".
Slowly it changed we became more and more to each other.
Our relationship turning to love.
now we are a little ways down the road, starting our family.
November will be a month I will never forget...
the month OUR baby will be born

I smile down at you
Looking in your deep brown eyes
You look up and coo
The world a place of wonder and beauty
You could never see the bad
You only see the love
And as I watch you grow
I know you are going to be strong
Your beauty shines on like a light
and the best part is
You are mine

You left me
I cried
Grew stronger when I just wanted to die
You were everything to me
My friend
Protector
Adviser
My love
Now your just my ghost
You haunt my waking hours
And steal the sleep I have
I wake often in fear that I loat u and when I realized I already have
Tht my night ears are real
I feel just as lost as before
I need you
But that is something I can never have

I'm lost without words
I feel like I'm a new person
But a lost one
I have no right to the words I say
Empty inside
I can clearly see and hear yet it is foggy and new
It pains me not knowing what it is that will come of me next
Who will be by my side In the end
I think of my favorite songs and their deep note lyrics and how they seem to reach out nd grab hold my heart how I would give anything to get lost in a song and live free and be happy again

i thought it was right before
now I am not so sure
I led you on
and I am sorry
I don't deserve to be in your life
stop, please stop caring
you deserve better and someone
who will love you right
im a tool not cool

YOU TOLD HIM YOU LOVED HIM
IT BROKE HIS HEART WHAT YOU DID NEXT
YOU SENT A TEXT
THAT WAS MEANT TO STING
IT SAID "HEY MAN, THANKS FOR BEING A GREAT FRIEND"
YOU DID IT TO MAKE HIM CRY
AND HE DID AS HE DIED INSIDE
YOU WANTED TO SEE
IF HE WOULD REALLY BELIEVE
THAT YOU WOULD EVER LOVE HIM
HE DID YOU KNOW
AND WHAT DID YOU DO?
YOU TOOK IS HEART AND PLAYED WITH IT
HE WAS YOUR TOY
HE WAS A SPACE HOLDER
TIL YOU FOUND SOMEONE NEW
THEN YOU GOT RID OF HIM IN A CRUELISH WAY
YOU SENT A TEXT
FRIEND ZONED

Finally
finally is what I am thinking right now
finally I am done
finally the accusers are gone
finally I wont have to come to place that rejects
finally I will be alone with my thoughts
finally the judgment will all go away
Finally

Finally
finally you will leave me alone
finally I wont have to hide in the halls
finally I wont be confined by these walls
finally I can be free
finally I will be me
finally I can be happy
Finally

the class is laughing
at the boy
he stutters
they think he is weird

they don't understand
that he cant help it

why do they tease him
he isn't so different from them

he trys to tell them
but the words get stuck

repeating
they laugh
he cries

he wonders down the hall
trying not to be seen
but they always find him

he wonders why he cant just be invisible
like the girl in the back
the one who is always watching but never speaks

one boy comes up to him
and talks real slowly
he teases him and talks at him like he is stupid

the girl in the back looks up
from her book then
she stands up

all eyes are on her
wondering who she is
whispering begins to flow

who is this girl
no one knows

she walks to the bully and the boy who is misunderstood
she opens her mouth
saying leave him alone

the surprise is she stutters too
she smiled at the boy and says
I know how you feel

this is how their love story begins

I miss the way your heart beat felt
beating away on my chest
the way your hand was always clammy
but so **** strong
you held me close
now your so far away
I wish you were still here

because I love you

I never knew thought you’d be this big a part of my life
You mean everything to me
Though funny that it is I never knew you a short few months ago
You were just some kid in my grade
Now you’re the guy I wish I would have paid more attention to
I would have paid more attention to
I wish I would have been there for you when you need someone
I blew my chance with you
It hurts, it really does, that I had to say goodbye to you
That I’m not the girl you look forward to seeing
That she’s the one you want in your life
Because she was there for you and I wasn’t
I was scared to show how much you meant to me
How much I truly loved you
How much you made me happy How sad too, you’re my everything
And I know that will never change, I could never move on from you
I am always going to love you
I am always going to pray you will wish I was there
I will always hope when you walk by you will be walking to tell me you miss me
That you need me
That I am the one you see when you close your eyes
That I am the one you want to hold and never let go
I know it will never be that way again but I will always hope
I promise to wait for you, even if I have to wait till the very last day
I can’t imagine not having you in my life, to replacing you
There is no one like you
You’re my one and only boy and you better know that
I will wait for you…forever if I have to

I’m invisible
The girl no one ever see
Standing all alone

I wish I could smile and not have to force it upon my face
I wish people could see that behind my odd crooked smile
There is a heart that is breaking inside
Cracking and tearing at the seams
I wish when I laughed it wasn’t so obvious how fake it really is
How loud and crazy and bubbly it is
It isn’t real, its forced at the moments expected
So no one expects the pain I truly hold
Sometimes I wish someone could really see that I am struggling
That sometimes I just want to cry
Just to let it all out
I want to be the real me around people
But I honestly don’t know how anymore
I am so lost in this world

Attention cutting
isn't cool
you take the blade
and drag it down
just to see the look on their faces
your a fool you know
to hurt yourself, especially for hope to get a rise

I love you friend
I truly do
but I do not love the monster you have become
you don't understand the pain you cause
to me and your family
we see the scars
that will someday become your jail bars
you will have to look at them everyday
the stupidity of your joke
when your old and gray you will wish you hadn't taken to
attention cutting

I know that something's wrong here
that you find it okay
to take a blade
and leave a mark
just so he will stay
I know you love him
and I know this is your way to make him stay
but your better than this
to good for him and that **** cursed blade

please just put it down
and think of all the people your hurting
don't you understand what your doing
it is not okay
to fake your pain
don't attention cut

You and I both know
that attention cutting is so wrong
please
I beg you stop, I love you man
I don't want to loose you
you may think that you are fine
that you wont do any harm
but you never know that for sure
you may cut to deep
you will be long gone...

The difference from you to me
is that I can care for you but you cant care for me
I look at you and wonder
why don't you want to come around anymore
I wonder what I did to you
why you left me alone
I needed you mom
I really did
but you choose the alcohol over me
you drank and drank
but never once thought
how it would affect me and my brothers
nah, you did not
One is always in trouble and does drugs, now he dropped out of school
Me, I got caught for smoking...hoping to get your attention-and failed
the other boy, still loves you and clings to the hope someday you will return
the youngest has forgotten you he doesn't no your name
we needed a mom who could care for us
I needed you most
I needed you when I had my first crush
I needed you when I got my first bra
But you were there for none

but most of all I needed you for things that every child needs
I need you to hold me when I was sad
I need you to be here when time got tough
but instead I was left to fight alone
didn't it occur that it was killing me inside
watching you drink and sleep and drink some more
you weren't always like this...you use to be great
you use to smile, and sing
you were always there to catch me when I fell
but then one day you totally changed
you took to drinking and never gave me a second thought
I cried for you every night
praying for you to change
but you didn't love me enough to stop
and I couldn't handle it, the pain you caused
the sadness that came slowly turned to anger
Now I am a bitter soul and I love you no more

Your simpler than beauty
Your kinder than grace
Your beliefs are stronger than faith
Your hidden among the stars
Your lost in the words that are spoken
Your thoughts are often lost among other things
Your lack of courage is stopping you from living
Your meant to do big things
Your smart and kind who cares what people think
Your born a great amazing person-please don't change
Your meant to go far-no matter what anyone else may say

the time without you
is like breathing in
but getting no air

Why didn't I see that you were perfect for me?
Why did it take so long for it be?
now she is yours
and I am long gone
I should have tried harder
to keep you happy
Instead I decided to think for myself and do what I wanted
I waited to long to tell you my feelings
now your lost and in love with another girl
I know now that your place with me is over
I just wished it wouldn't have happened at all
I miss you like the stars miss the moon on a cloudy night
To bad that I am not the stars and that the moon isn't you, because the clouds are never going to leave me
since your gone

Time is short but oh so sweet
With you and me together
it is perfect as can be
I love the way you look at me
the smile on you face
a look I rather not replace
I love the way you wink
the skip in your step
yes time is short
but man is it oh so sweet
the last few months
have been precious
and I never want them to end
but you said that you may have to go away
and leave me far behind
So I think I will live in this moment
and not think of the time as short
but remember it as sweet
and smile right along
I know that I will cry
and put up a huge fight
but as for now I know its fine
SO yep, I know time is short, but we will make it sweet

hahaha* they all laugh
at him
but in the end
he will be the one
on top
don't laugh at a guy
who can hold a grudge
One day he will snap
and then crack
the pain you cause
will only move him
better be nice
or it may be the end
to both abusers

Destiny
is
not
just
a
name

It
is
a
game
we
are
all
trying
to
beat

but
you
cannot
che­at
fate

love* is what is wanted
pain is what we get
fear is never spoken
lies are
Love, pain, fear and lies
are what I always am to find
you tell me one thing
and do another
please don't hurt me anymore
I wish you would stay here or leave for sure
you know that coming back and forth
will only hurt me more
Say your goodbyes
don't let this be another lie
for I cannot say no to you
I am weak and you no this
I am not the girl who can turn away
from one she loves
I wish, I pray
I was a different kind
so I can say
go, please just leave
just leave

Did you know,
that you are special to me?

Did you know,
that you are my world?

Did you know,
that I love you so much?

I know that I am not you mom,
that I am just the aunt.

But...Did you know,
That you were meant to be mine?

Did you know,
that I will never leave you?

Did you know,
that I will always be here for you?

Did you know,
that I will always protect you...even from boys? ;)

Did you know,
That I love you?

***, you will always be my pride and joy

I am sitting all alone
Thinking my time away
Wishing you were here
with me
and not some other place
I know you may hate me now
for the hurtful things I say
but I am truly sorry
I didn't show you the love you needed
the love I had for you
now we are truly separated
you said that it would be better
for you?
Because it wasn't for me
I know I messed up
I know I did wrong...
but please don't say goodbye to us
please...

I never thought Id move on
I'd never thought I'd be ok

But you showed me the way
My heart is yours the pain long gone

I love you for you
Every part of you make me happy

When your away my heart aches
But when your near I know I am more than ok

When you look at me I know you only see me
When I look at you I wonder why it took me so long

I wonder how I never saw you before
When now your all I see

I will never love anyone this strong
I promise

Listening to you speak
Your words filling my mind
All graceful
All beauty

You are making me fall in love
Every single day
All heart
All soul

the pain is always hidden
never shown on the outside

deep down she's crying
but no one even knows

she is hurting so much
but she doesn't let it show

inside she struggles
its an endless fight

she needs help; so very bad
her pride and fear stop her, though for making it known

no one understands what she is going through
no one

The tears flow quick
The sobs leak out
The blade is drug
And you go down
Life is short

I never thought I would actually do it
but I did
I took the blade and drew it across my skin
over and over and over again
my arm is full of cuts and marks
the pain is raw and it lets me no I'm still here
that it is not some sick and twisted dream I cant escape
that this is my reality
cruel as it seems
I feel the pain in my heart a little less now
but it sure as hell is still there
I am ashamed with myself and unhappy
but instead of putting it down
I drag it across my skin again
I watch the blood trickle down my arm
Taking away one pain and replacing it with another

THE SUN USE TO BURN BRIGHT
SEEPING IN ITS GLORIOUS LIGHT
SHINING ALL DAY LONG
HUMMING IT'S BEAUTIFUL MORNING SONG

BUT THEN ONE DAY
THE SUN DECIDED TO STAY AWAY
THE DARK AND GLOOM
FILLING THE NOW EMPTY ROOM

MY SADNESS SHOWED UP THEN
AND CONTINUING TO COME BACK AGAIN
I MISSED MY SUN
WISHING FOR HAPPINESS OR FUN

MY HEART WHEN SAD
AND NOW I FEEL REALLY FRICKEN' BAD...