I sit
silently
on the bench
my bench
our bench
The one we always sat on
Only this time I sit
alone.
And the empty space next to me
creeps into my heart
and makes its way through my veins.
the sun is shining
the air is still
no noise to be heard
in this
serenity.

But I am so cold.

And I
for a moment
allow myself to believe
He is here
next to me.
I ask Him if he feels this

cold.

But He makes no reply.
And I try to remember
His eyes.
His soft lips.
His hand holding mine.
His voice.
But
I can't.
My heart is frozen solid
And I dream
to
forget.

I left my window open last night
Praying he would enter my dreams
And indeed,
In He crept,
Through the wide open window
Then stayed with me all through the night

It started with a dance
Did it count as holding hands?
And I twirled,
As He laughed,
Ear to ear whispering
So all through the night we danced

We decided to explore
Dark corners unknown to light
And we discovered,
Where He led,
Such a magical place
The theatre was ours to explore

Morning came and stopped my dream
I lay in my lonely, empty bed
And I sighed,
There He was,
Now night is gone
Was it truly only a dream?

His quirks…
fascinate me.
He…
fascinates me.
I am…
Fascinated.

He draws me in…
with his eyes.
Those same eyes…
alternating blue and green…
that once led me to believe…
he and I…
could be…
One.

I resolve…
to hate him.
If only to save…
myself.
But myself refuses…
to be…
saved.

The only way…
to protect…
myself…
is to avoid…
Him.
His quirks.
His eyes.
His smile.
His laugh.
His jokes.
His lies.
My pain.

And so…
I hide.
Within the safety…
of myself.
And I know…
he will not find me…
here.

For he has never…
bothered…
to look.

And then his eyes…
meet mine.
And my resolve…
breaks down.
And the walls…
come down.
As my guard…
goes down.

And I…
once again…
am drawn in…
by the quirks…
by those eyes…
by those…

fascinating…

Lies.