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Cigarettes and I have a
love-hate/hate-love
relationship.
Each drag is like voluntarily
placing my lungs in an inferno to be scorched.
The strongest people I know have
wasted away
because of that cancer-on-a-stick.
I especially hate how
they taint the tantalizing taste
of my lover's lips.
Yet, on rare drunken occasions
or when a thick layer of red coats my lips,
I crave the **** thing.
I don't smoke, I hate it, but if you've ever taken a drag of a cigarette while drunk, then you should completely understand this.
I lay here now with tear streaked eyes
And with tear streaked eyes did realize
The words I speak are in my head
I'm going to die here in this bed.
He sits and waits, sits and watches
And on the glass his nails make notches
They pass the time and wait till it's right
He's going to **** me on this night.
He speaks no words and his mind is a blur
I know he moves but I've not seen him stir
Right now he's sitting outside my room
Waiting to bring me face-to-face with Doom.
His nails are long enough to cut me from there
Long enough to force me into a silent prayer
His skin is sickly gray and comes out in patches
And from his ****** scalp his hair detaches.
His body is long and very strung out
His frame is bruised and beat about
His eye sockets are a 'beautiful' scarlet
Beautiful if they weren't making me a target.
What made him stick to me is still a question
I've never even shown him any aggression
I've let him stay there and watch me sleep
But now he sits here and watches me weep.
He's my secret admirer, but no secret anymore
I thought his spirit was just folklore
Did my faith in his nonexistence make him stay?
Can my faith when he's here make him go away?
Apparently not, for now he's coming in
I lay here still with the moon showing his grin
He sits in the corner, watching me still,
I see now his teeth sharpened with a drill.
He's teasing me now, and I know this is not fair
I've got to keep quiet, I'm not consciously there
Maybe if I'm 'sleeping' he'll leave me alone
But I'm prolonging the inevitable, his eyes are locked to stone.
I'm not getting out- I've accepted this now,
But his pride in winning is not something I'll allow
You see, losing is not something I take lightly
And dying with him I will not do politely.
Now that I've seen this coming for a while
I've kept my escape hidden in a small little pile
I'm not getting out of here, and he can watch me as I die
I'd rather off myself than let him win, I won't lie.
I swallow the pills and he creeps towards the bed
He tilts up my chin and gets a good look at my head
I watch as his smile turns angry and frustrated
Because for all this time he's just sat and waited.
I've foiled his plan and I knew all along
Now I know he'll never be strong
Those shiny red eyes are the last thing I see
I've won, he's not gotten the best of me.
Today I am tornado
Tomorrow I am storm
Today I am destruction
Tomorrow Phoenix born
Today I am the fire
So from ashes rise
Today I am the truth
Tomorrow never lies

Today you are my never
Tomorrow you're today
Today I give you nothing for
Tomorrow to take away
Today you are the beauty
Tomorrow well who knows
But still you tend the garden
Where all tomorrows grow

Today I fight my demons
In my way which might be slow
So tomorrow can be freed of
All today's incipient woes 
I hack Today's full veins
And fill tomorrow's cup
So I may plant tomorrow's morning
And watch the day grow up

Tomorrow there is darkness
That started here today
And all because tomorrow's 
Are just too far away
And so I sit and think of
How to best disrupt the norm
And so
Today I am tornado
So tomorrows just a storm
 May 2013 Brittany Jackson
ᗺᗷ
I left a trail of breadcrumbs for your lips to find
but they were hungry for something I couldn’t create.
I was hiding in a place that wasn’t hard to find
and I just,
I just wanted someone to take the bait.
But when the time came that you caught me there wasn’t champagne, there wasn't bouquets- no.
I looked behind to tag you back but you were already ten steps in the other way.
And to me this was play
but to you it was probably just a game.
We were a picture that couldn’t fit into any frame
or a fire that couldn’t be contained, it was all the same.
Just like the very place you called pleasure became the same room I called pain.

I spent my entire life chasing shooting stars
thinking that I could make all my wishes come true,
stopping my feet here and there just to then try and
catch my breath.
I was always chasing but never very good at pacing.
I got battles with my mind erasing while my heart keeps retracing
and in that time
on the assembly line
they smacked me with a sticker that said, “Replacing”.

You see I was born with fingers that were small and stubby,
stretching out trying to grab the answers I would always come up short on.
My heart’s been known to skip beats but sometimes as it skips,
it gets caught on something and trips
head over heals down a black hole that swallows then spits
me into another time and place where you are stripped;
from sight misplace, but I still chase
because no one ever taught me how to land in space.

And if you took my legs I would crawl through wet concrete,
and if you took my arms I would roll to a mountain peak,
and if my body is taken this heart would still beat
because when you left that home
you forgot to turn off the radio
so all of our songs still play on repeat,
you can hear them through the walls and down my streets
where everyone else still hears it too
but I,
I was the idiot for giving my only set of keys to you.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to close gaps
that I probably had no business closing in the first place.
But even if I’m not the one who wins the race,
or finds the foot this glass slipper longs to embrace,
or catches a shooting star flying in cold space
I know that being here is better than being there,
that living today is better than dying tomorrow,
and even if,
even if these tiny talking hands never get a reply
that it sure beat the hell out of never giving it a try.
As I stand beneath the blackened sky,
Horror within the dead of night
Deep below these trembling feet,
Lies a secret bittersweet

Across the lake of fire,
Through deserts of decay
Black out the moon and stars,
Hate ridden is my fate

Embedded by the poison,
Inside my dying veins
I encompass nothing more,
Only solitude and pain

But without this moment,
Without this despair
I would not know love,
I would not breathe air

And so I wander,
Between a leaden life
Seeking my fortune,
Through struggle and strife
 Apr 2013 Brittany Jackson
martin
There she goes, my old flame
Her kids have grown, all left home
She still looks the same

Is it fanciful to claim
After all this time
In her heart a tiny part remains
That is forever mine?
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