I remember the evening
that we sat clinging
to paper cups
of coffee gone cold

over secrets spilled and memories told
two bodies cursed
with hearts grown old

behind your eyes
I found new worlds
A winding road stretched out for miles
to a small cafe at the end of the isle

Sweet pastries filled the mouths
of those who sat beside us
and stayed for a while.

How the hours went by,
people just passing through
The descending sun ending
a forever with you.

If only your soul
was as soft as your eyes
If only I didn’t believe
Everyones tragic lies
If only I could cover my ears
So I can’t hear
What they say
I know its not true
But still
Why does it hurt to love you?

We dance in the ashes like
Literary scavengers.
In the ruins and after rages
We draw the shreds of words and pages
Around our naked bodies like Blankets,
A quilt of the quintessential struggle
Which all people suffer

I dealt death today.

I know it’s a part of the job.
I know I’ve seen it too many times to count.
But today,
I felt it.

I left the room long after their family did.
There was no where I could go
To escape their

Roaring grief.

They were long gone.
And I was left with their precious baby.
I curled his arms and legs up
Closed his eyes
Wrapped him up gently.
With love and respect
Here he’ll sleep forever.

And oh,
They are so thankful,
That it was me
That I understood
That I was so careful
That I spent the time with them.

And you’re not supposed to take it with you.
You’re supposed to leave it
When they walk out the door
With one less goodbye.

But I took it with me today.

The way they felt before
The way they felt after
The long quiet goodbyes
The man in a suit on his knees weeping
The mother and son making a cocoon
Sheltering their dying baby.
The solemn face of the woman who plays god.
The green death.
The last breath.
The heaving of the living as he gave his last.
The waiting.
Slower rhythm.
Quieter.
‘He’s gone now’.

I watched the clock
The same way I had
An hour before
Waiting for death.

Soon as I could
I fled out the door
Ran into the street
Tried to outrun it

Instead I ran to you
I dialled your number
With shaking hands

I know I’m not supposed to
But all I wanted was you
Your voice

Ringing out
Thankfully
I wept alone.

Today I dealt death
And I found I am not strong enough
To sustain this
Alone
Or for long.

I found I still consider you my haven
Deep down
But that you are not my haven anymore
Or should be.

I listened to the silence
After the call rang out
And decided

I gaze at the moon
while she points at the spot where
soon the sun will rise

Sometimes I'll
come to you in pain
but I won't know
how to tell you
where it hurts.

You're not her,

and
I wish
you were.

I’m back home

No
I’m back where I grew up

I saw the house today
The house that I grew up in
The house where you left me
The house that is no longer mine

I’m seeing an old friend tomorrow
Used to be thicker than thieves
Where nothing could ever stop us
And now we are strangers

But don’t get me wrong
I missed my family
That I live so far from
I wouldn’t miss this chance for the world

The fear is still there
Of turning the corner seeing you there
On the road
Colder than ice

The pain still exist
In holidays
In birthdays
On deaths days

Relationships that were once so close
Are now broken
Minds were once healthy
Are now scarred

Did you ever think
About what would happen
If you got on that bike

Of course you didn’t

After all you would have been here if you had