we belong together
maybe as friends,
maybe as lovers
but god do i hope it's the latter

I've been losing sleep
this past week or so
despite the fact I could never blame him
for the bags under my eyes
sluggish demeanor
I'd rather be up
sleepless
in my own home
despite the floorboards' creak
in a tiny apartment
with room mate silent
in peaceful slumber
I'd much rather not disturb
all noises heard
with every step
I take to the door
to inhale savory smoke
I'd rather move quietly
in my own home
because at least the cold steel of the fire escape
is soothing in some way
And although he's miles away from
the reasons I struggle to lay my head down
I'd rather be restless on my own
I'd rather be restless alone

Your lips tasted
like the stars
i never got to see
because of the cities
bright lights.
And once our lips connected,
Meteors fell down to earth,
And the ground beneath us started crumbling.
For it was the end of the beginning,
And I couldn't have been more un-afraid.

when you put your lips
on mine,
that feeling is something
indescribable,
delicate.

and i though i would
get used to that magical feeling.

but as soon as i experienced it,
you were gone,
forever.

and i never tasted your lips again,
or saw your face again,
or heard your voice again.
you were completely gone.

*and i was not prepared for it.

why:
- because of the feeling in the pit of my stomach when i look at him

why not:
- because of the feeling in the pit of my stomach when i look at him

you are leaving again.
i find myself saddened without tangible reason.
and i know that with my sadness should come some joy,
and if not joy, 
then relief,
because when you are half the world away,
it becomes just a bit easier
to forget the times when you were so painfully closer.
i can look up at the moon — a pale phantom sliver —
and know that you do not gaze upon it at that same time.
in that moment,
the moon is mine.
i do not mind that the sun rises for you
so long as i cannot see it.
so i should breathe easy;
your absence gives me a little more room to love myself.

and yet —
there is always an “and yet” with you — 
when the easier breathing begs for entrance to my lungs,
i turn it away.
to forget you would mean to forgo grieving,
and god knows i live for a good ache.

so i think of you,
faultless in the dim yellow glow.
images i shouldn't call upon.
small, soft moments when you seemed to see me.
i remember the time when you crowned me with a halo, deemed me an angel.
i imagine that you are the only one who could ever make me believe that i fit the part.

glowing.
i don't know if you were but i was.
glowing.
if we have to share the moon, then so be it.

i find myself saddened without tangible reason.
this is the part where you come in.

but you are leaving again.
i could ask myself if you were ever truly "here,"
but it always hurts the most to ask the questions i already know the answers to.
so i think, instead,
of you,
faultless in the dim yellow glow.
the pain is a little bit more bearable.
i imagine that maybe you were glowing, too.

(a.m.)

The planets are aligned
The stars are in their place
And the circumstances could not have been more favorable

You and I, my love
We were meant to be
Elsewhere