I heard in a song
that you’re only
as good as your
last mistake.

And I’ve never been
more thankful for
humans ability
to make millions.

So you’ll never
be my last,
because I’m better
than that.

Burning toast
and eating it anyway.

Buying shampoo
when I actually
needed conditioner.

Showing up late
to a meeting.

Missing the first
day of class.

Studying for an exam
two hours before it starts.

Not turning in an
assignment because
I just simply didn’t
want to do it.

Not leaving my pajamas or
bed when there’s
so much to do.

Apologizing when they
bumped into me.

Lying to people
who care, I’m okay.

Not locking my door.

Walking alone at night.

I’d rather be
defined by all
of these things
than you.

Subject

Shortly after our
first date I joked
Don’t make me write a poem about you.

It’s been a year and I laugh
because my poems
have become your home.

It’s been a year and
you’re kissing
someone else and
I’m just kissing people
who aren’t you.

Waking up next to you
for the last time
we knew it was and
we had to tell each other
not to cry so we could
kiss for the last time

When we broke
you said to me
I don’t want to be the subject of one of your poems.

But I warned you.

Take me!

Body and soul
I´m all yours.

And I´ve always been
even before we knew
the other.

Only you
were not always mine.
Just mine!
Take me!

I  always said you can't fall in love
Only for people lost in the stars

So young and fragile
Not sure how to react

Nothing will last unless you commit
No such thing as falling

You wanted to sweep me off my feet
But I didn't believe in falling

You wanted to prove me wrong
I believe, he said
Searching and teaching and showing new things
No such thing as falling

Time goes on as time goes
No such thing as falling

Try and try to see, he said
Is there such a thing as falling?

Time goes on as time goes on
Maybe there is such a thing as falling

Welcoming me to his world
Afraid and more afraid
I'll wait for you, he said
And he kept on believing

Much to my dismay I think you proved me wrong
I want you to believe, he said
Searching and teaching and showing new things
Could I be falling?

Down and down the rabbit hole
Afraid and more afraid
It's okay, he said
I'll catch you at the bottom

Commitment and love work hand in hand
Could I be falling?

I always said you can't fall in love
Only for people lost in the stars

Deeper into the universe
Yours and mine became ours
Your jokes, my laugh became one love

You're finally lost in the stars, he said
Forever and always,** was my reply

We became the stars

When this girl crashed her car
going over 90 mph into a ditch with no seat belt on
and the music blaring she wonders what it looked like.
The story makes people laugh now
and they always ask how it happened but don't wait for the answer, they laugh and think about her body hurtling into bushes
and the car smoking something so foul
no one from the highway stopped to help
even though it was sunny and a Tuesday.
As long as you can make someone laugh.
They all say oh, she didn't mean to.
You didn't mean to
I meant to

2. When this girl gets drunk
and takes her clothes off and kisses everyone in the pool
and then ***** on the kitchen counter
where everyone can see through the glass door,
chains around her like that could hold her back, they laugh.
Ah, classic her.
"Haven't you heard she's crazy?"
One asks while handing his friend a cigarette.
Well yes he ******* has, thank you.
Watch the show

3.
When she leaves her fiancé for the felon twice her age
just cause he ***** better, they stare.
She feels it like little red hot lasers in the small of her back.
She is used to it.
"*****"
they manage to choke out.
Well, she already knew this.
She looks at them with indifference.
"Try something more original", she says.

4.
That man left which really just hurts her pride more than anything. No one leaves her and that's just the way it is, Ya know?
She floats on the souls of those who have loved her.
She sneaks into his house with the spare key
she stole to his apartment just to lie around in his bed.
She makes herself a drink.
She falls down the hallway.
"She didn't mean to", they say.
"Yes I did", she says.

5.
That girl.
She'll **** herself for a dare girl.
She's so crazy girl.
She's a sad girl,
"she wears her scars like a noose" they say.
"What do you know", she says.
They say "she didn't mean to".
I ******* meant to.
I let the darkness inside swallow me whole
and I let my heartbreak ****** me.
I am a fraction of a being but that's just fine with me

6. I ******* meant to

She lay atop hills of green
Watching strings of soft silk
Behind sun kissed lids

That's how he found her;
With violets entwined through ebony locks
Giggling at her first real taste of freedom

I might miss you—
Every hole in your jeans
And flyaway hair;
I might have saved that crooked smile,
Kept it close,
Carried it with me to the bus stop
And the bakery that makes my favorite egg sandwiches.
Maybe I counted every stutter, every heavy blink of your eyes as you fell asleep.

I might have stared your demons in the eye,
Kept them away during the night
(I've never been scared of the dark).
I could have kissed the scars on your hands,
The bruises on your knees.
It's possible you meant more to me
Than the autumn leaves
And the stars that stay frozen in place outside my window.

Maybe you knew me,
My bright lipstick and lack of self control,
The pale birthmark on my neck;
You might have memorized every curve of my lips,
Pensive sighs,
As I let you see the fear behind my wide blue eyes.

Maybe you filled the cracks I'd never admit I had
(It hurts just to say it now),
Found the fragile pieces and wove them into a blanket to keep me warm.
It's possible you saw the lies I carry,
The spiders with their gnashing teeth and blood-red eyes,
And stood by me all the same.
Maybe you called me, suddenly, on your way to work,
Surprised to find yourself wanting me, though we'd just left each other.

We might have been in love,
But those three words burned in our throats,
We could only choke out ashes, not even a spark.
Now every trace of fingertips across our hearts only brings up dust,
Settled deep in chambers and arteries for heaven knows how long,
Made from the memory of my lipstick, the holes in your jeans,
And everything we might have had,
If only we'd allowed ourselves to recognize it.