I knew you were dead
on arrival in my chest
and you lie there with the rest

my heart is full of human bones
remains of people who were called back home

my life has been a series of pipes
twisting and turning through walls
of an old tattered house
I always find myself at the front door
unable to understand the lock
imagining what it would be like to walk out

I knew I had to be dead
the day I let love into my chest
and now I live here with everyone else

make something magical
write something moving and profound
Brian, make everyone proud
be it words, paint, or sound
Brian, don't let everyone down
do something smart
be someone great
stop being idle
and take your foot off of the brake
let life happen
even if it slaps you in the face
take a f-cking chance
stop being weak and afraid
people love you Brian
all the while you sit alone
thinking of ways to make them love you more
never satisfied of anything
like the women you blame yourself for
just grow up Brian
get out of your head
stop thinking
start experiencing
do something spiritual
make something magical
and write something moving and profound

I have let myself down
after I have led myself
around by the neck
through this town
the seeds I have planted
grew into oak trees
and their shade combined
creates a greenhouse house effect over me
there is moisture everywhere
be it in the air or beading down my cheek
staring out of a window
my reflection is someone I wish not to be
I embrace my loneliness as it if solving something
I tell these little lies to myself then I justify them
by the effortless excuse of being born human
accepting my mistakes without the ambition
needed for the act of redemption
I lay stagnant, a standing shaded puddle
with my thoughts drowned out by the screeching sound of
mosquitoes hatching and the erratic ******* of my blood

the soil is soft and fertile
I have this pocket fulls of seeds
but I am scared to death of dropping them

I fold my hands into puppets
and make shadows of myself on the wall
one hand is a building
the other is me climbing to the top
and jumping off

my cats began to swat at the shadows
completely focused and amused
I use my hands to make them dance in tune
with the music I am listening to
the smoke in the room added a certain ambiance
along with the perfect amount of moon light shining through
I almost forget I am sitting next to you
until you rest your head on my shoulder
then raise your hand, making yourself a flower in bloom
growing from the base of the building
I jump off and land into you

my cats bump into each other and we do the same
lying on the carpet, staring at the ceiling
watching the candle flame react from the wind sneaking in
syncing our heartbeats together with its rhythm
feeling higher than anything living

me, you, and a chocolate blunt with honey
at the end of your cul-de-sac
me, you, sitting intertwined in my back seat
watching the cars on the other street pass

you lay back in my arms
and look up at me
only then do I see what you see
the one I love staring back at me

the herb has us connected with everything
this car, we have to leave
with my arm around you
we walked the sidewalks
then lied down in the middle of a street
watching the moon in awe, too amazed to speak
for hours it seemed
I helped you to your feet
then chased you until you found the trees
and there in the shadows we fell to the ground
you put your hands all of over me
the blades of grass seemed unusually welcoming

we were exposed lovers under the stars
that no one else could see
being young and naive
is the true meaning of being free

I need a stiff drink
I need a long walk
I need a lasting love
I need to just breathe...

I dig through my closet
searching for shotgun shells
I need to shoot a gun
and I hate guns
but if I do not release some tension
my skin will pop at the seams

standing in my yard
I aim for the sky
and pull the trigger with haste
closing my eyes
opening them to realize
that I am still alive
and nothing else has died
a weight is lifted
I have never felt this light
before in my life

you could cut the ****** tension with a butter knife
but neither one of us really cared about what the other one had to say
with our strange in-congruent lives and our eternal fear of internal pain
it can really take its toll when you are vulnerable

sitting at the end of the street, contemplating the site of the inevitable
I took a right into a spiderweb of streetlights
trickling into the abysmal blackness of the night
you could cut the ****** tension with a butter knife
and neither one of us cared where we stopped
with our reasonably similar motives
and our never ending lust for physical eruption
it can really take its toll when you are vulnerable

I turned the engine off and the crickets went wild
into an awkward silence as our faces splashed together
like the moon sinking into the earth
I disappeared into her mouth and my shoulders sank
my legs went numb as she playfully fault back
in a manner that seemed to be out of her control
the moon sat on the dash like an owl in the trees
my fingers began to clench and her finger nails plowed my skin
sending slim cascades of wine colored blood down my spine
we lie like lions on a tree branch as the sun comes up
breathing in the atmosphere and taking in the sounds
for a brief moment we were in tune with each other
affection seems welcomed and time moves slower
the road back seems longer when the key hits the ignition
everything goes back to normal even the tension
it all builds up then someone gets cut with a butter knife