Actions speak louder than words
You’re 80 miles away
And all I have is your absence
Speaking volumes over my love

I walked away from the coldest part of the world
To have the chance to live under the sun
And feel happiness for once
But when I saw you I knew
I buried a thousand suns in my chest
Held your hand in mine
Because I never thought
I’d get to hold the moon
And get to be her warmth
All I want is for you to feel this too
To have you never be alone again

I keep chasing ghosts with you
I don’t know if they are yours
Or if they are my own
Contorted into something unknown
I am haunted by my love for you
Or by the way you look so blue
But I shall chase these ghosts for two

do you ever ponder me
blue
from being in love with
you
do you ever dream me
yours
hand in hand through life's
course

I have loved you for a thousand years
And failed you a thousand more
I get lost in the taste you leave in my mouth
Of blood and salt
And they were both my own
Let us go home
So we can be alone
To hide myself under your touch

Today I realized that I cannot picture your face
I am forgetting things about you as time goes on
I have tried to find you in a song my throat burns
From yelling the lyrics hoping to hear your voice
I thought I found you at a party just last week
In a boy who parted his hair the way you did
But my body felt even colder pressed next to his
I am tired of waking up in a panic with my hand
clutching the sheets from your side of the bed
I snuck up to my mind to find any memories of you
But only found empty boxes with your name
I have heard my crying sound so foreign to me
That I have been startled silent late at night
Sometimes I want to crawl out of my own skin
To lie in the small of my back caressing  fingerprints
you have left behind so that I may feel you one last time
just one last time

I am an island
Like Alcatraz
Abandoned and haunted
People rarely visit
No one ever stays
My conditions are changing
I thrive life and beauty
No longer just to survive
I am an island
Maybe someone will visit
Maybe even stay

As I lay here I realize
this deafening silence
sounds just like you
And I laugh alone in the dark
because this is me saying
something melodramatic
to have an excuse to mention you
In the same way I have adopted
ending a sentence with your name
instead of using a period
Because you are the most
poignant ending I will ever know

my hands
            shake.
 
        my heart
  quivers.

i remember a time when
    both my heart and hands
      knew what they were meant for

             a time before you came along
   and they made it their job to show
the love they could hold for you
             
                 my hands
                                shake.
                      
                      my heart
              quivers.

You covered your lies
I covered my scars
We washed​ up on the shore
Of the land where fools
And cowards go
I know it's not home
But we're royalty here
I dig my feet in the sand
Everything hurts less now

I feel like artwork
When you pin me
Against the wall
I see masterpieces
Burning in your eyes​
Use me as a canvas
Paint me red with passion
Paint me red with anger
Let us make art
And then destroy it

I was nothing but dwindling fragile strands
Hopelessly intertwining every bit of me
Around your heart
To pull you out of the vast darkness
That you were planning to drown in

I
I loved you whole heartedly once
Under your bedsheets under the silence
Or any place covered in darkness
Where no one could see the way
Your flesh melded into​ mine
I suffered a year drowning in grief
You lived a life never committing
We met by chance and latched on
I loved how free your memories were
How wild your plans could be
I loved the life i found in your eyes
I enjoyed the rasp in your voice
Heavy with love, heavy with lust

                          II
I loved how you helped me heal once
Never had I loved in others
The parts I loved in you
You joked that you were my first
I'll never forget your bucket list
Give birth to life, love intensely,
Save a life, kiss a ******
You said you'd name your first child
Washington, where your heart belonged
You had fond childhood memories there
I remember making similar plans
Before life made its own plans for me
My thoughts were lingering on him
We argued about that some times
Screaming with lust, screaming in anger

                          III
I didn't know how to love you once
I was full of tantalizing words
Sizzling on the tip of my tongue
Waiting to tell you how I felt
But his name was the only thing
That could escape from my lips
You'd shout and cry and break things
You said my heart was an enigmas
Full of love for things that didn't exist
Full of love for people that no longer lived
I loved him imensely, I loved you intensely

                        IV
I love how you moved on once
You deserved better than to be
Someone's ***** little secret
You were anything but that to me
I didn't want you to fight ghosts
Because of my inability to let go
It was better off that way
Your mother called me one day
Five years after you walked away
I wore your favorite color as asked
Finally met your family years too late
I'm sure you checked off every item
From your bucket list right before
Your brother handed me your baby
He weeped as he told me that
She was named after where
Your heart really belonged
She carries your love, she carries my name

I would shrink to a cellular level to reach your soul
  And kiss it back to life if it were ever   possible

I had coffee at my lips
And good intentions with you

You had passion as fingertips
And a slow withering heart

I'm falling in love with you
Life is setting the punchline

I attempt to find comfort
In my fascination with death
I need to know there is a reward
For loving you even after you'd left
I lay my head on a cold tombstone
Caressing it lightly I almost feel warmth
I swear i hear your heart beat in my ears
But its only the cause of me holding my breath

I am a forest fire waiting for your love
You are the bridge collapsing under my touch
We burn and destroy for our own pleasure

Lay me down heavy on the ground
Broken and bruised
Shine down on me daily
Warm and loving
Watch me blossom from shadows
Beautiful and yours

If my thoughts and dreams can come to life
They'd be brought back in the shape of you
If my love can be a force of nature
It'd be the oxygen pumping through your lungs
It'd be the light in your eyes that once was
If I could have one wish granted
It'd be to have you back
Fearless and breathing

I was once aching flesh
On worn down bones
Encaging a restless heart

You were the cure
The ailment
You were everything

She seeks God in the river where she drowned him
The same one she once tried to cleanse her soul in

Her heart listens to hymns sung by her petrified flesh
While her lovers' lips set the pace of her forgotten faith

She is lost

No matter what pillar your soul inhabits
My love will make a pilgrimage there

Sometimes
All that surrounds
Is death
And I cry
Because I feel so small

Remember
Not all improvements that matter
Are necessarily visible
The most important start inside
A seed planted
Now rooting within us
Becoming a permanent change

You broke my heart
Shattered it into a million words
I'll arrange them into infinite poems
Until I piece it back together

I'll never have the chance
To tell you that
Your favorite poem of mine
I wrote it for you