~

*Why is it every thought
I have is of you?

Waking this morning
you were there
lying next to me,
your smile starting my day,
when I was the only one there.

My first cup of coffee
I shared with you,
on the patio as
bird song filled the air,
and I was alone.

The sunrise, beautiful
pastel ribbons painting
the northern horizon
I pointed out to you,
but you were a thousand
miles away.

And even now as
I write this poem,
I do so because like
every other moment
of my life, you are with me
even though you are not.

Why is it every thought
I have is of you?

Because I love you

T                                    H
ANK                        YOU
FORBE                INGAH
UGEPAR           TOFMYL
IFEIOWEY      OUTHEW
 ORLDFORGIVINGME
  SOMETHINGTOLIV
   ­  EFORILOVEYOU
         WITHEVERY
            THINGIH
           ­    AVEA
                 NDO
                  WN
                   <3

So strange
that my main desire
is to rest next to the one I love.
How I would do anything just to lay
next to her at night while I drift off to sleep.
I know that I'd dream of her anyway but it would
be absolutely incredible to fill that empty space in my
cold lonely bed. It is as if it has her name written right there.
Some nights I feel stupid just grabbing the empty space as if I could
reach out and touch her, hold her, and embrace her. I would give away
everything I own just to have her fill that void in my cold bed and perhaps
add some warmth and love to my restful sleep. Someone once said in a song
"Wouldn't it be nice if we were older." Despite all the responsibility and stress
of being a productive member of society, I would have the greatest reward for
all of my efforts: living with the girl of my dreams. So when contemplating my
future journey into adulthood, I think to myself "yes, it would be very very nice."

I want you to know I have not forgotten
all the times and the feelings.
They will always be dear to me
no matter how much time passes.

I want you to know I am not mad
for all the angry letters.
I know you lost a lover and a friend
and I'm sorry it had to happen.

I want you to know that I hope you are happy
because your happiness will always be important to me.
I wish you the best in the years to come
and I know you will be successful.

I want you to know I am concerned
for you and your sisters because of all you must face everyday.
Be strong and take care of them
because some days you are all they have.

I want you to know I am sorry
for everything that happened and all the tears you shed for me.
I know my sudden reappearance brought remembrances of better times
and I didn't mean for it to cut into old wounds.

I want you to know I love you
no matter what happens and no matter how much time passes.
You will always be the first and the memory of your heart
will never fade no matter how many shreds of old love letters I receive.

I want you to know this is goodbye
because I can't stand hurting you with thoughts of what could have been.
I know one day you will find better and this will be a distant memory
but I just pray that memory evokes a smile and not a tear.

Separation is deadly,
for one who was just well
is now sick
and requires the gentile touch of his mate.

The worship of a tiny screen,
just trying to catch a glimpse of the soul
that fuels the internal fire
inside my fragile heart.

Hanging onto every single word,
as if it was an offering from God himself
that promised to give everlasting life
to you and your family.

At night,
dreaming of being held tightly
by the only person who can bring you happiness
in this dark cold world.

By day,
longing for the feeling of her soft lips
pressed up against yours
giving you a feeling of revival.

On we worship the screen,
the window to your one true love
that is simply an illusion
comprised of pixels and light.

How you would do anything,
anything at all to hold her
and warm her at night
as she falls asleep in your arms.

You would walk a million miles,
anything just to see her smile
and light up your day
even one last time.