Brenda Mukisa

Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018

Shanto

To you my darling
Lets take rushed elevator selfies
before the door opens.
Eat lots of cake and pizza
till we feel pregnant from it.
Make tough soda decisions
because I just can't let go.
Take mirror selfies until our bodies
can not take it any more.
From age and kids and years of happiness
Lets take walks on busy during the day
but lazy at night roads
And get lost finding buildings
Let us be a beautiful kind of happy
I loved you then, years ago
I loved you yesterday
And I love you today
Tomorrow.... and many years from now
You get me ......and I want us
You.... to be my kind of forever

I love you.

This was a message I wrote my best friend at the end of last year..... I just needed to remember it here forever.

#friendship #love #forevers #bestie #bestfriend #benswie #minezy #mine #ours #us

Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018

My name

I wonder what you do when you hear my name
Do you pretend it is a new name,
And go on with what you are doing
Do you think
Oh, I used to know her
She cared too much for what I thought
She could have done anything for me
she loved me

When you hear my name,
read an article I wrote
Listen to a song I hummed often
see a tweet I retweeted or commented on.
Do you miss me?
Do you wonder about me?
Do you wish you had loved me?
Is it just a reminder of how much you never cared
Or how you'd never love me?

When you hear my name
Do you even know or remember me

#heartbreak #lust #love #sad #poetry #relationships

Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018

***Doubtful***

Is it sugar
Or is it death dirt* or nothing.
I think about it looking into my tea cup.
Just an idea in my head.
My over thinking, over analyzing mind

I think I am fat.
I hate being fat.
Then I see an amazing fat girl looking good in her jeans.
Her overthrow looks amazing and I want that
I want to be fat.

I could be small.
I tell my self.
I should eat way less and get skinny.
Fit in very tight jeans and have big hair.
The skinny girl yesterday looked amazing.
But would I

What if I cannot look good skinny.
I'd loose my **** and look weird.
What if I am those people who can never get small

I love food and good places.
Most of the times fat girls look awesome dressed up.
I am not skinny or fat.
I have never understood my body.
Sometimes I feel smart sometimes I doubt everything*

So, is it sugar? Is it dirt?
maybe I will never know

#random #bodyshaming #doubt #shy #sad #fear #bodyshapes #bodysizes #females #beinghuman

Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018

Almost like crazy

I need too much or nothing at all.
She said to him
He just laughed, like it was a big joke.

Kiss her on pavements on lonely streets.
Let her toes curl from the feeling.
Where the trees look beautiful.
And the light from the Inn looks amazing.
Hold her hand on busy streets.
Wear matching t shirts or jackets... or jeans if you can.
Take her to that restaurant.
And all the others on your street and around the town.
Order different things and exchange plates half way.

Let them call ya'll crazy.
But don,t stop loving the way you feel best.
Take selfies every where you feel like.
Hold each other when ever you can.
Make breakfast in the mornings in t shirts or nothing.
Make lovely dinners with candles and wine.
Dress up for them if you must.
Or watch your favorite series in pajamas and eat from the box.
Loving should not have rules.

It should feel right, crazy, or perfect even.
Over the years it may have got an appearance.
But love must always be a feeling.

#love #happiness #romance #poems #**** #lovely #loving #relationships #goals #loneliness

Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018

Spent sadness.

I have written many sad poems.
I have run out of sadness.
I spent it all desperately.
Like a drunkard on another shot of whiskey.

I've spent all my sadness. Now only happiness remains.

I walked on a rainy muddy road this morning.
I nearly cried from sadness.
Then a woman with a baby stopped for me.
I got in at the back and just then, I saw it.
It looked at me and struggled successfully to sit next to me.
It held my cold hand and gave me all its warmth.

I realized I couldn't be sad. Happiness and warmth filled my heart.

I will sit at my house tonight.
Open that coconut whiskey and dance to any song on my TV.
I will take time looking through every room and drink to it.
I will text my best friend and tell her I love her.
I will celebrate this newly found happiness.

I've run out of reasons to be sad, now I will look for happiness.

#desperate #times #sad #hours #i #look #for #you

Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018

USED TO

Through you I lost myself.
I allowed myself to care too much for your validation.
Your likes became my automatic likes and just like that,
I let parts of me I was originally proud of go.

I wanted so bad to escape and you took advantage of that.
You made sure I knew that you were doing me a favour.
That I was the lucky one for being with you.

Through you, I let me die away.
In loosing you, I lost two people I used to love.

Brenda Mukisa Mar 2018

Suicidal.

Maybe it was the first time I thought about death.Maybe it was the first timeI wished I could die.Maybe it was the first time.I actually tried to **** myself.or the next few times.

I ask myself why I didn't succeed the first time
Or the next.What's the point of living.When I died inside the first time death crossed my mind.

Its like I'm waiting for the end desperately.I fear that one day I'll force it on my self.Is it true some people die before their time?Should I call them lucky?

What is the point of living.If every day I feel lost, lonely, empty.....What is the point in believing.
When every day reminds me I've failed.Searching impossible sources for happiness...Being reminded daily that sadness and bad things happen.

They say I am ungrateful and difficult.Every one only sees the things I want as exaggerating life.Do they ever wonder what their words do to me?Do they ever worry that I feel rejected and alone?Do they ever miss me when I am out of sight?

Whats the point in staying here if I'll never belong?

I have thought about therapyTelling a stranger my sad damaged mind....Because I feel so depressed right now and I have felt like this for so long I am just tired to having to hold back the tears when all I want to do is scream and die.

I know its incomplete, I hope I donot have to feel empty enough to finish it.

#suicidal #scared #empty #lost #stuck #trapped #sad #tearful #wishful #drained