There is a place where nothing grows
I stand on the side lines and look for hope
Signs or even, illusions.
In that place, I'm drowning
I do not even know if I want to be saved.
Sometimes I think that is the problem.
Its too sad and empty.
In that place I'm reaching out for you every day.
That place is here and now.
And I die every day.

I do not want to choose you
I thought you were okay.
Not handsome but okay to look at.
Your face or style didn't sweep me off my feet.
Your so plain I wonder how I would even like you.

I've always found fashion cautious men attractive.
I do not even understand your cloth test.
I don't see any shoe passion when I look at your feet.
Call me weird but I think its a thing in my head.

I look for a scent when I am next you.
Somehow that happens a lot lately.
And I cannot find it either.
That is a thing for me too.
The universe is screaming nooo.....
I am starting to agree.

I look at you, and your definitely not my kind of person.
I wonder what your doing in my head.
I wonder why its even complicated.

I do not want to choose you.
Somehow , slowly by slowly, my heart is.

When i was little
I looked up to you.
Sometimes i wonder how you were.
How could one person be so filled with good.
I always said i wanted to be like you.
Not the sarcastic way.
The sincere way.

You taught me how to pray, how to fear God.
How to be a better human, to be nice.
To cook ,clean and make a healthy home.
How to live with people.
How to thrive.

All my life I never saw you angry or conniving.
I can say I've met a person so perfect.
You were so nice to me.
I worry i'm not living up to you.
How did you do it.
Being so perfect.

When the world said I was not good.
You didn't believe them, you had hope instead.
You believed in me too much
I decided to be that person you thought i was.
I loved you. I love you still.
Sometimes I think its forever.

They say people move on.
But how can I move on from you.
I try to be like you.
Sometimes I think I'm making progress.
Sometimes I think i'm failing.
You are proof that people can be good.
People can be perfect.

Years have gone by.
I still look for your face in a crowd.
I want to remember your voice.
I want to remember you forever.
I love you still...
But slowly by slowly....
I'm afraid I forget you.