Why
am I here?
Lying in a bed that
hasn’t been made in weeks
trying to wake up
the boy that’s been asleep for just as long.

Abuse to my muse
that’s locked
in the cage behind my chest,
while attempting to steal a heart
that’s already in the palm of another.

And maybe
if I close my eyes with my hands,
I’ll go back
far enough
that when I sneak a peek
through my fingers
I'll find that I’ve never played this game before.

The air your lips used to warm
as you'd breathe into mine,
has become too cold
from the space
you left between us.


Now,
I warm my own air
with flames
set from the peelings
of a burning heart
you threw away
in a rusted can.


I don't remember winter ever being so cold.

More often than is naught I carry the face of the villain.
Snared in this prison waiting for my turn to burn while
your fate is not so different from mine. My clocks still
yield some ticks and tocks yet before I go there stands a
few things you need to know:

They told me that your love was fatal, though failed to
hear the laughter of irony from behind their heads. They
cried tales that you were toxic and I could not save my
lips from curling. They said that your presence in mine
would design the suffering for those around. I was told
that you would leave me up in smoke as if God still
plays with dice. Your middling cigarette spends just the
beginning of their lives packing yet I waged it my
whole life just to spend its remnants with you. Addictive
by nature so let me take my pick of a million other lips
to secure truth that it is you I am addicted to.

I want you to simmer my skin when the world is cold,
I want to cast you brighter than a hundred suns hold,
I want to steal breath from your chest and place it in mine,
I want to make your heart stop like an eight-sided sign,
I want you to move my pistons and ignite my core,
I want you to saturate me as I lay on your shore,
I want to find what it is to go out with a bang,
I want to be that picture that fits in no frame.

I want to get you out of my head but you are
my song on repeat,
my hole that’s too deep,
my nights with no sleep,
my words when I speak.

Yet alas I hail from a pack known as Montague while
you bear the brand of Capulet. They will never render
us free in this life so when my time finally comes to a
burning halt, and my life flashes before my eyes, just
know that you will be the only thing I see in the next.

I slap wax on a hand that’s had its share of crinkles and callouses
as I look in the mirror to mold myself into something out of a GQ:
Man of the Year magazine. I look at my watch and its 8:42. I look
back to the mirror and see something that is not the caliber of a
man but more of a frightened boy buckling at the knees and
shaking at the wrists. The walls behind me start to liquefy and
soon dissolve while the florescent bathroom lights flicker in and
out of existence. I rub my eyes as I manage to hear knocking at
the door over the boombox playing on my dresser drawer. But I
can’t seem to move away from this boy I see right in front of me,
a boy who’s never done anything like this before.


I turn my head to look over and it’s her. Her name is Brittney and
she is the first and only love of my life, though she may not know
it yet. The rainbow colored lights are flashing in her direction to
the sound of the booming bass. I take a look down at my sprinkler
head hand. It has begun to melt into hers, molding ten fingers into
one fiery fist protesting against all the cold voices that tell me, "I
can’t do this." It is a time of swing sets and swing dancing while
long before empty bottles and bar romancing.


She say’s, “It’s getting pretty hot in here” and I say “A wise person
once told me to ‘take off all your clothes’ when that happens”. She
smiles at me and I look away because I’m scared she’s going to look
directly in my soul and figure me all out like, “Where was the fun
in that?” My window of opportunity only opens when something
else reaches in and grabs her attention by the hair. Only then can I
be the mortal to ever look into the face of a goddess whose head is
just preoccupied. The Dj masterfully is mixing music from a bland
radio driven generation to create the perfect stage for an offbeat New
York teenager who is slowly finding out that he has just as much
rhythm as he has shame.


I get a call on my cricket phone from a best friend who couldn’t
make it that night, as if to say he was telling me to grow wings of
my own. I reject the call needless to say and catch that it’s 8:42 and
in that moment I hear someone say, “Baby you’re all that I want.”
I look to Brittney and say, “I don’t know how to slow dance.” She
pulls me to the floor and fastens my hands to her hips as we start to
glide gently from side to side and I hear that same voice resonating,
“I’m finding it hard to believe, we’re in heaven”.


Born as a natural leader though grew up as a follower, I begin to
dig up my roots so we can float to a place where no other human
can find us. A step to left and then to the right as I carry her head
over my shoulder with clouds tickling our toes with every step of the
way. Prickling chills from being up so high make their way
kneading down my spine. A white light flickers behind her head and
I seriously ask myself, “Could I be dead?” Naked bodies chest to
chest and cheek to cheek as two flames becoming one with
heartbeats in sync; a heart that has never beaten the same because
this song never truly ended.


That night marked the largest recorded meteor to ever impact the
world since the extinction of the dinosaurs. I burrowed this lady
closely in newfound wings as we fell from clouds beyond the
atmosphere smashing us back into dancing shoes, rattling the
footing of our tomorrows today and shaking the foundation of
where we now stand. The walls behind her begin to liquefy and
soon dissolve. I look to the only window in this building and catch
a reflection of myself in it, though I do not find the same boy I
once saw before. I see a man with purpose, a man without fear; I
see a man who would take on the world if the challenge arose,
and a man who had finally earned the right to say, “I’m free.” I
leave her hips to rub my eyes in clarity and as my pupils begin to
focus I make out florescent lights that keep flickering in and out
of what appears to be my bathroom mirror. I hear knocking on
my door faintly over the boombox playing on my dresser drawer
while I look down at my watch to see that it is 8:42. I take one last
look in the mirror and I remind myself that there truly is no better
time than now.

A voice echoes through the cracks in my skull.
Lost dreams down a spiraling black hole.

Chasing shadows cast from heart,
finding light disguised as dark.

Dirt and worms fall from sky.
Crossing hearts with hopes to die.

Killer b-line straight to the brain.
A body’s lost mind makes the soul insane.

Feeding on humanity to save my own,
pulsing with life then turning to stone.

Deadly teeth sink past her skin,
where our zombie apocalypse begins.

A promise of love till death do us part,
A promise perhaps where death is the start.

I walked across the bridge of your nose to connect the constellations
on your face. I was blinded by the solar eclipses in your eyes and
wound up where your universe began and I held it in my hand. I felt
it pulse life into the very edges of your galaxies.

Drawn I was with gravity to each of your hotspots. Running in
circles by the natural laws of physics, physically pulling me through
the natural laws of attraction. Deep-rooted into your wormhole,
taking me to another time and place, I could not tell you when or
where I was from.

Thwarting my universe into chaos by the 2nd Law of
Thermodynamics then breaking the 1st by creating something in
me from nothing. Ripping stars from cold space and shooting
them into the deep clusters once left empty. Exciting these *****
of flame into super nova’s scorching me from beginning to end.

Your telescopic lens would discern who I was and who I was not,
searching for truth no matter the distance. Altering my planets to
align with yours, spawning systems upon systems and then some
more, discovering rich life where none would explore, then leaving
your footprints upon more shore.

On that night the universe was silent. That same night you were
here and then you were gone, tipping the entropic scales back
from the first law you broke. I forever blocked out the moon so her
waves couldn’t wash what little was left of you. While she maybe
the only other knowing just how deep craters can crush.

Many my suns have died since then, where once my world kept
spinning has now completely stopped. Left with debris smashed
from a time that used to be. Falling slowly through cold and
empty space. Continually searching the universe for what science
calls foolish.

I am cold. I am alone. I am empty. It wasn’t always like this. You see-
That one day you brought me a bouquet of flowers but I didn’t even notice them sitting next to me.
That one day you decided to wrap my hand with the warmth of yours but I wouldn’t return the favor.
That one day you tried to hug me tight and I left you too much slack to hold on to.
That one day you wanted someone to cry with but I didn't spare you a single drop.
That one day you finally told me how you really felt but I wouldn’t listen to your words anymore.
That one day you decided to give me our first real kiss but my heart just wasn't in it.
That one day, was one day too late for me because-
That one day is actually today, and today I am cold. I am alone. I am empty.
But you see it wasn’t always like this . . .

Yesterday I would have shared my entire world if you'd have let me but today, today I am dead.

I left a trail of breadcrumbs for your lips to find
but they were hungry for something I couldn’t create.
I was hiding in a place that wasn’t hard to find
and I just,
I just wanted someone to take the bait.
But when the time came that you caught me there wasn’t champagne, there wasn't bouquets- no.
I looked behind to tag you back but you were already ten steps in the other way.
And to me this was play
but to you it was probably just a game.
We were a picture that couldn’t fit into any frame
or a fire that couldn’t be contained, it was all the same.
Just like the very place you called pleasure became the same room I called pain.

I spent my entire life chasing shooting stars
thinking that I could make all my wishes come true,
stopping my feet here and there just to then try and
catch my breath.
I was always chasing but never very good at pacing.
I got battles with my mind erasing while my heart keeps retracing
and in that time
on the assembly line
they smacked me with a sticker that said, “Replacing”.

You see I was born with fingers that were small and stubby,
stretching out trying to grab the answers I would always come up short on.
My heart’s been known to skip beats but sometimes as it skips,
it gets caught on something and trips
head over heals down a black hole that swallows then spits
me into another time and place where you are stripped;
from sight misplace, but I still chase
because no one ever taught me how to land in space.

And if you took my legs I would crawl through wet concrete,
and if you took my arms I would roll to a mountain peak,
and if my body is taken this heart would still beat
because when you left that home
you forgot to turn off the radio
so all of our songs still play on repeat,
you can hear them through the walls and down my streets
where everyone else still hears it too
but I,
I was the idiot for giving my only set of keys to you.

I’ve spent my entire life trying to close gaps
that I probably had no business closing in the first place.
But even if I’m not the one who wins the race,
or finds the foot this glass slipper longs to embrace,
or catches a shooting star flying in cold space
I know that being here is better than being there,
that living today is better than dying tomorrow,
and even if,
even if these tiny talking hands never get a reply
that it sure beat the hell out of never giving it a try.

It’s been said that infatuation makes for a fast spiral down to
sightlessness.  But do you say the blind cannot see? I bear no
mind to mere optics for I need not the sense to possess the
sight. I have your radiance with me, branded to the backs of my
lids for I cannot help but have you always until the next time
I look upon you. With a clutch of my hand you have me at
your will. You present this present with your presence and I
shall honor this with my eyes, never to shield whilst I have
you before me. Consumed I become as you lay me down
beneath the leaves. Take all you will from me for I shall
remain exposed to your desires.

My gaze wandered up and found the leaves on fire. There
was no smoke; there was no fear for we had been the fire
all along. The flames of yours and mine together had
consumed the air of our yesterdays, leaving nothing to look
back on and ceasing the urge to look forward; we were here,
existent, ready to ignite once more. This surge required
naught save for the breaths of yours and mine to chance;
your breath compelling this sealed backdraft longing for
indulgence, growing wild with every touch, every scent,
every taste of your delicate tongue as it wrapped in mine.
The embers knew nothing of destruction but rather renewal
of that which I had longed for.

I once believed it foolish to feel the same with another
synchronously. A belief I now find fault in for just as the
two flames who dance incoherently; once they touch they
become unified in their brilliant engagement, creating a
distinct cohesion that most will undoubtedly remain unaware
to. It is that moment, that paradise we search for. A sensation
that last a moment but for those without sight, a single
moment becomes the ultimate reality of eternity; a single slice
in our whole of existence which we stay hungry for. So look
no further for I am close at hand. We have already set this
world ablaze and altered the realm of our tomorrows. It is now,
in this very moment where we shall get a taste of eternity and
there will never be anyone more adequate to share this paradise
with other than that who makes me sightless.

You set the bait and I never let go,
I never wanted so.
A fish out of water;
I’m suffocating in the same room you breath calmly in.

Moving hopelessly alone on reflex
I’m going mad in this state but lie still
every time you touch me.

Your knife digs deep
though like pain is something I have become accustomed to.
Cutting away at the surface,
then to the core,
digging deeper and deeper where I really feel you.

Before you’ve truly experienced me
you coax and cover me with flavors of your own,
as if I’m like the rest of them,
as if I won’t taste different on your tongue.

Burning from the inside out as you cook me to your liking,
I can take the heat
so long as I know I will melt inside you.

But
when you gutted me you forgot about my heart,
maybe because it was too hard to find,
maybe I was saving my best for last, or  
maybe I hid it because I knew you didn’t know how to handle it yet.

It’s all I have,
it’s all I’ve ever had
and I gladly would rest it upon your lips even but for a moment
and when that single moment finally arrived,

you spat me to the floor,
swallowed what remained
just to **** me out the next day.  

I don’t know why I thought this would have a different ending.

It had been scorching from a time I can’t seem to recall anymore and lately your words had been ice cold but instead of saving us you held your breath and jumped off this burning ship into waters I refused to swim in. Inevitability is talk of the future but no one can see past the choices they don’t understand so I’ve been standing under a gray sky instead trying to cheer the clouds up with echoes off a sweet tongue that fall on absent company. The sky may be out of reach so instead I’ll reach for the stars in hopes that I touch a cloud on the way who may join tears with mine as we douse your lingering flames. What will be left of this broken ship worries me not for I know it will still move. Where it drifts I cannot say, but I understand now that perhaps sailing to nowhere may just be the perfect place to find myself.

He created it free hand with a shackled mind and misplaced the key in a pocket he never did like reaching into. Creating a decadent falsity as it kidnapped the truth to a place begging too high a ransom. He only painted with his heart, something he had been perfecting his entire life. Drawing blood to draw with blood left him light in the head and weak in the knees though he kept painting on the canvas, and with passion and ache paint till his palette became parched. A masterpiece he would say while others saw naught but a blank canvas no matter how hard he tried making them fall in love. Though something was missing, something had always been missing but what? He lost himself days on end working to make the beauty in his mind a reality. The days turned into months while the months turned into seconds.  He was pulled to the dangerous place he had always pushed away, squeezing the very last drop his heart could bare until the heart itself became bare, ceasing to move. Before he could make the final stroke he fell weak onto the frosty floor, laying in the shadow of the canvas. With tired eyes and  a vacant heart he finally understood the missing element to his masterpiece. And with his final breath, the last thing his eyes would ever see in this world was the canvas . . . completely empty as the man he became.

I will not slam my gavel on the splinters buried in the back of your mind that drive you insane. Let me pluck them instead only to fill their empty graves with seeds that will grow their own food for thought. Let us spit our souls on our palms and be unafraid to shake hands. I want to become sick with your expansive mind so I may develop immunity to the wretched virus of the narrow majority.

And when you can’t handle any more shut doors locking in your face, grab onto the rope I drop by your side and I will pull you to a new hallway of opportunities. When your back is up against the wall, I’ll remind you to close your eyes and breath because the next time they open the wall will have sunk into the shadow that you yourself have laid on the ground.  

I can’t stand knowing. I have to walk it and exercise it, much like a muscle breaking its former self down only to rebuild itself stronger, and keep it moving because the place where my awareness lands will be the cage where it sleeps. So lend me some of your mental crack and lets find our own over this great wall of the unknown and see if we can’t break down the impossible together.

The moment when you couldn’t wake up in the mornings.
The moment your hands stayed cold when I bound them in mine.
The moment you made dates with the TV screen.
The moment you forgot to call and all the countless times you had no service.
The moment you became too busy and every single time you made me wait.
The moment you needed a cigarette every 10 minutes.
The moment your lips forgot how to dance with mine.
The moment your shoulder couldn’t bear the weight of my arm around it.
The moment your eyes got narrower and your brows stiffened.
The moment your hugs cut me too much slack.
The moment you stopped getting the chills.
The moment your heavy cheeks couldn’t budge a smile.
The moment your heart stopped skipping beats.
The moment you froze when I told you that I loved you.
The moment fear became your vice.
The moment you hid behind closed doors.
The moment I had more in common with strangers.
The moment I became embarrassing to be around.
The moment when you needed drugs for a good time
The moment you fought me just to feel something.
The moment I was just like my father and the moment you cursed my mother.
The moment you slammed the door in my face and the moment  ‘I’m sorry’ left your vocabulary.
The moment the bruises healed.
The moment the word ‘give’ was spelled t- a- k- e.
The moment your dreams were only visible in sleep.
The moment I realized that you weren’t worth another moment of my time.

                                                               ­                   .   .   .

I gave you everything and you came out with nothing, which now is the very thing you are to me.

I jump onto a heart warm as sun in cold space,
Rumbling like the earth moved in rough quake.

I begin up the cord in front of my wake,
And grab onto scales that rattle like snake.

Will every tug and move I make,
Harder than the last, my own heart that breaks.

Almost to the end I dangle like flake,
Wonder to myself if this is a mistake.  

I look back to the heart, naught but pain and ache,
Longing for someone to pull on the brake.

My hands clench tight and nails like rake
I yield a breath with a whole world at steak,

I pull out the cord that gives life but fake.
A life that has coveted its own to take.

Expelled now my doubts from a feeling opaque,
The heart now can sleep with its soul wide awake.

A heart is pulled at opposite ends then twisted until all its tears are rung.

Tears that drop one by one
From twist by twist,
Forming an ocean of tears
throughout the years.

The force that pulls,
Drops the heart in this
Very ocean until it
Sinks to the very

b

   o

     t

       t

         o

           m

               in a place it will stay forgotten . . .
                                                               ­         . . .
                                                               ­              . . . and yet the heart remains dry.

Sometimes on the hardest of days,
I bear nothing but the softest thoughts of you.
Thoughts so rousing, they send adrenaline speeding down my highways,
stopping for nothing until every inch of me melts.
This isn’t your average fight or flight;
it's a fight that's for you, and a flight that's with you
to a place where the birds and the bees can't even reach.
For most, my heart can be a stone wall surrounded by a backbiting moat,
but somehow when you bring yourself to it,
the draw bridge gives way to you every time.
It’s frustrating; I have no control over what my heart desires,
but for some reason, it chose you the moment yours played hopscotch with mine.
Skipping beats is only the tip of the iceberg:
I could bleed out my entire fountain of youth if that’s what it takes.
And yeah, if you scale it up to the waters of the world,
my fountain will make only a single drop,
but I’ll be ****** if that drop doesn’t pass through
all the flaming hoops it takes to land on your lips.  
I will make sure that you never forget the taste,
and the ripples it forms shall never lie still in you.
Ripples that in time will manifest into incredible waves
that will alter the very ones your mind creates.
It’s said that the brain waves of love and insanity are identical to one another,
and it just so happens I have a longboard that can fit the both of us.
I’ve never been that great at love, but I’ve always been the best at insanity,
and if you ever lose your balance,
my hands will always catch you before you’re ever out of reach.
So what are you waiting for? The water’s fine.
So paddle on over to a place I like to call "existence",
and let’s ride the swell of this swollen heart.

It feels the days have been weeks, the weeks have been months, and the months have been years since we last met. And though we have left each other, the river of love flowing through my veins have never stopped running for you. I remember times when the sun rose to wake me it was you the first thing that caught my gaze as the hunter for his doe at the first of fall. The times when you were the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes to the melody of moon; I could not dream without you there. The times I would stroke your smooth curves and praise the One who created the beauty that is yours and yours alone. The times your scent made my pores throb and eyes wide, a scent we shared whenever you let me have you, a scent I longed when you were gone from me. The times my lips would touch you and tongue would taste you casting me without breath in throat and sweet air in lungs to the instance of choking; ironic as the world surrounding us the drowning while we the afloat. With you before me the world as we knew it vanished I could not begin to tell what century I was from. There is no need for time with love as eternal as this.

And yet I wait,

Wait for the day I will have you back in my presence, back in my hands, back to my lips, uplifting the very existence of my being. The day when I once again will be able to reach, reach far into the depths of my pocket and summoning the $4.31 it take to see you once more. . . my ever sweet breakfast burrito.

You have copied and pasted yourself into my memory without my
conscious authorization. My data storage could surpass that of a
super computers, a near infinite amount of space for whatever I
want saved, except you have rewritten my libraries upon libraries
of me with your animation; as if I now cannot run without you
constantly there. When I try to open the program of my heart it’s
blocked by the virus you lured me with. I used to trouble shoot in
circles wasting gigaseconds at a time trying to find ways of deleting
you out of my hardware. I’m constantly stuck in a loop of trial and
error trying to decode and compute the internal damage you’ve
done in efforts to restore my old programming. I tried to find
solutions with other users but you act as my administrator,
dictating what I have access to. The folder named, “My History”
has been renamed to “Our History” with every face you’ve made,
every word you’ve said, and every instance we’ve plugged into each
other being cached for immediate viewing making it all
too easy to only think of you; I cannot upload a single thought
without you in it.  I have grown sick, going from constant states
of freezing to overheating since the day you crashed me. This is
not something I can just sleep off. This is not something I can
just shutdown everything for.

I cannot edit you.

I cannot erase you.

I cannot wipe myself clean of you.

                                                           ­                 I have been overrun by you.
                                                                ­           And the truth is, I have been
                                                            ­               searching for exactly this
                                                                           since the day I was built.

I was lost. Lost in the echoes of the ancient
rhythms pleading to play, sifting it’s vibes
throughout me. I become a mannequin,
with strings that do not pull but glide as a
breeze to a snowflake away on a blissful
journey, to places unknown but ever
welcoming. In the midst of this transit a
single wave, unique from the lot, kissed the
shoreline of mine. With connected vibes I
felt her beat slide up my limbs, nest into
my flesh, and wrap around my core as lush
ivy rising towards the light just to fuel my
fire. Two rhythms that crossed for one night,
one place, one time; One. Hovering on
limber limbs I reached into you and we
retuned the frequency of our hearts in sync.
Catching each other on every missed beat
we unified till we became a dynamism that
could make the planets align. Your waves
tickled at my toes, trickled up my spine, and
coursed through my lips erupting to a
frequency that birthed a super nova, killing
our very sense of survival, leaving us with
nothing other than Being.


I am still lost. The season’s winds have now
spread us away from One as two leaves
from the same tree that never fully lost
their color. Yet I still feel the rumble through
my bones when you echo your thoughts of
me from where ever you may be. In that
moment I vanish once more in our limbo
where time and space are at a stalemate, a
place where the impossible looms, a home
where Being awaits. It is said that these
waves never cease to move, that they
traverse to the very edge of the universe only
to bounce back; forever changing while
changing all in its path.

Where are they going?

What are they looking for?

Why did You find me?

Her eyes
Her eyes 
Oh those eyes...
They create something of a solar eclipse
A celestial rarity you may only look upon
When the universe permits
Rare and yet I’ve been told not to stare directly
Into the seductive light
Which makes it all the more tempting to take a peek
And become hypnotized
Once I look away from them
They become burned
Burned into my mind
So even with eyes shut I can’t help but feel her
Much like the moon dreams of her long lost lover
She catches briefly only at dusk and dawn
Living from the shadows
Of the very thing that makes her shine
To me this is not mere coincidence
And like the Fates I do not play with dice
When a jigsaw is tossed in the air
And all of its pieces land into their rightful place
I do not see chance
I see providence

                           I see the impossible

                                                     ­       I see . . . you, staring back into me

The place you stand in casts a loathsome light from behind you as you gaze to the Mirror. A salted tear is shed followed by many down into the loch you have locked yourself into; drowning. What has the Mirror said to you today? I wish I could understand it.

The Mirror has rendered your wings useless, crippling you with a deadly snare it has embedded in your mind. A snare you could free yourself from with tools you’ve always possessed but never knowing how to use.

I reach inward to pull my heart out and smash the Mirror once and for all. The shards cut deep but nowhere near as cavernous as the cuts your razor edged tears have when they used to fall from you’re calloused eyes down into my chest.

The Mirror, now in a thousand pieces, must be screaming in your ears as you try desperately to put it back together. An act that is meek for you from the life you’ve lived befriending such a foe disguised as your comrade.  

It’s a wonder how one tries to fix the broken long before they realize that they themselves are the broken. The fragmented mirror cannot speak the same again to you but only display you it’s rightful self, showing you the truth.  

The truth that we’re all fragmented; no one was created to a perfect perfection but rather perfection due to an all-pervading and ever powerful imperfection.  One last tear is glazed down onto your lips. The sweetest taste you have ever savored.

My dear, sometimes you must shut out all other light in order to discover the Light that sets you free from the prisons you once existed in. Walk with me now into the darkness until we find ourselves in the ever awaiting Light of freedom.

I remember a time when we knew how to fly.
It was a feat that just came to us out of thin air,
and oh how thin the air really felt when we took
off. Our finger would cross, cross like the stitching
of a hot air balloon that knew no bounds, filled with
the air we exchanged into each other’s lungs, and
propelled by the pulsing flames of our hearts. Your
sparkling eyes were intoxicating whenever they met
mine, they bore the same sparkle as the wishing star
in the sky I used to put all of my hope and dreams
into. Every instance our lips locked into each other,
whenever your mellifluous hair sashayed by my
nose, or each time you cradled my weary head to
your *****, the more our wings grew; grew to a
point where together we could soar to heaven off
of a single push. We danced through marshmallow
clouds as our wings tickled the sky. You carved your
name across the top of my heart then tucked the
needle of a compass beneath it so I always could find
my way home. We never knew where we were going
but trusted the winds to take us where we needed to be.
We never turned our backs to the skies for it was our
refuge, it was our entirety. Together in the far reaches
of space, boundless and free, the world below became
a place we had long since forgotten.


I remember a time when there was gray in the sky, a
gray that hued to black. Together we could not
recognize these skies and quickly became unsolicited.
The livid winds and the bitter clouds would pierce our
ears as they shrieked in malignance. A storm had
brewed and the rain was falling. The drops snuck
through the cracks between our hands. The harder we
grasped for each other the more we slipped until the
stitching our fingers once made became frayed then torn;
we were disconnected now. The whirlwinds then casted us
further and further apart until you were shrouded by
darkness. I was naked and alone save for the grief I then
became, facing the murkiest region of the storm. The clouds
I once frolicked with now spat a deathly light in my path
until there was nothing I could do and nowhere I could turn.
I wished to my star but I could not see your sparkle anymore.
I was at the mercy of the skies I once called home however
mercy was not to be arranged. The bright light paralyzed me
hard and fast straight through my heart, gouging out the
needle that always brought me back to you. I fell down from
the sky at speeds greater than I had ever flown up. Crippled
from above I was laying on the surface, with not even a scent
of familiarity. My once trusted winds fed the flames that now
scorched my majestic wings and took with it the fallen ashes
they sprinkled. The name on my heart I once cherished became
a curse, an endless reminder of what I could never find again,
where I could never go again. I laid there utterly vulnerable with
a single hand outstretched, reaching for the world I once knew,
reaching with hollowed gaps between the fingers you once
spanned. Over time the weeds I now rested in became hungry,
swallowing me into the dirt. I am consumed wholly to this prison
now save for the hand that reaches, reaches for a place that has
long since forgotten.

The stars above speak to me in many tongues and many ways.
I wish to know what these gods express, but what they speak I cannot say.

For alas it is only that I sense the magic that engulfs my soul,
from lengths undefined with this divine
entity that I do behold.

Their textures tease with mystic vibes,
only to know what I cannot describe.

Knowing I will never reach, never touch, never hold, never kiss.
Never…. Never.

This communal love is endless and I shall never give knee to ground,
my reach extends while they transcend,
the truth while lost but someday found.

Many moons have passed while yet I set my gaze aloft,
in faith I know not of while my hope inside be doffed.

In hopes for the unknown.
Unknown; what do I know?
The fire burning I must show,
for maybe I was all alone.

Is this right that by the nights I dream to dream a dream hath lost?
But was it waste now that that I face the dream to what that dream hath cost?

Nay….Nay.
Or perhaps I have been left astray.

My head fatigued, my eyes so weary,
my senses fade into the dreary.
This vessel is aged no longer gauged
for this world I part sincerely.

My stare now lowers to a shudder and view what be imaginary,
my reason blown, my brain has snapped, to view the scene that’s quite contrary.

Be you a star before my eyes in space no longer improvised?
I wish one kiss then be dismissed
unto unfaithfulness demise.

The radiance embraced my depth unto a fathom and time that seem prolonged,
and when I woke the truth was known that I had been shining all along.

From up above, there is indefinite mystery; while I stand
below I know all there is to be, so I commence building. It
is magnificent, an unparalleled structure soaring beyond
optical range, and impossible for all to overcome, save for
the keeper of this wall. In it I protect my sacred waters, for
none to touch, for none to see.

From up above, you gaze at my majesty with a disdain
beyond conviction. You soar to me and swathe me with
your wings, a kindred love you share, although I know not
who you are. You cradle me as we rise up above, a vantage
I could never have fathomed.

From up above you counsel me to destroy my wall, which
has trapped my waters for far too long; to let my waters
flow freely and engulf all around. Some will float; other will
perish. Such is the way it meant to be you tell me as our lips
meet for an enchanting exchange. Your lush wings then
extend open as I drop from your cradle unto my waters from
up above. I remember.

The winds of your soul echoed great lengths to meet the mill that pumps my being. Oh what great lengths the maker propels these gales into discovering their rightful place. Though the tempest hath no home, nor does it settle; it passages within us, each of us, never once forgetting where or who it has given life to. This provides you with a feeling of familiarity, a feeling you treasure for it is a treasure to behold. A sublime gift unnoticed by those blind to the sensation, deaf from reality, and dumbstruck in the universe; they may never know.

The breath of yours and the breath of mine met as we fell victim to the storms. Destitute but not afraid; we embraced the coming of each other. The storms quenched the long forgotten drought in our hearts, exalting their life from the grounds to the infinite. We parted from one and other with a final breath of our being- we were born once again; born into the light of love.

Shine with me.

Time has passed now and I return to the field from whence I came,
though this field is not mine; it can’t be. The lush emerald grass
has transformed into a stony taupe, frail and wilted. DID I
ANGER YOU? Not a crack of soft cerulean can be seen from
above. The warm rays that once consumed me are lost in transit
by the hoary locks above.

HAVE I MADE YOU SAD? I set gaze towards my giant cedar.
Not you too. Rotten from the root up to the decayed branching.
The scent burns my nostrils and taints my lungs. DOES IT HURT?
My legs give weight to the ground while my body follows. I lay
there, cheek pressed against the haggard soil, until all is blurred.

I wake to find my head at your foot; a rose in the sea of weeds. My
lips soar to yours, and they dance a fiery tango once again. Oh how
I’ve yearned to dance with you. My weary eyes unlock and
bleed to not meet yours. WERE YOU REAL? I look towards my
sole to find a tombstone. The name is mine. *WAS I?