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What does not **** me;
fuels me.

What knocks me down;
helps me get back up.

What breaks my heart;
is also the glue putting it back together.

All of my troubles;
are keys to my solutions.

If only the people
that we care about
stayed as consistent
as the pain
in our hearts.

I like to think
that i am not alone.
That if i needed;
someone would be there.
That my call would get answered
or my love reciprocated.
But i know make believe
is for children;
not the lost souls
who are just

Sometimes what is required
is more than i can give.
For i have already given
all that i have.
Everything that i feel
is not always what is there.

It’s gravitational; undeniable.
Like the moon & the tide.

That not even the strongest
of currents
could bring me back.

it is wrong of me
to say that I don't know death.
that I don't understand it
or know how it happens.

it is wrong of me to say
that I don't know death;

when I have been killed
far more than

when I was just a girl,
still young & new to this world
i had envisioned,
what my life would soon be like.

the things that i would think of
they did not seem to be elusive
but to my friends,
they were exclusive
along with the rest of the world.

since that moment i've been searching
scouring the earth for just one thing
to again make myself feel whole.

to fill the empty in my heart
& find some light to spark the dark
but it seems that i've been looking,
in places i don't belong.

my soul does not know
how it feels to have a home
to be somewhere,
where you're meant to exist.

i hope that i'm not always lost
that one day i'll no longer have to walk
through hell & back
just to feel alive.

if you could feel
just one thing.

what would you do in order to feel it?
what would you sacrifice to find it?

is losing your mind worth it?
Losing yourself?

if you're looking for something,
try looking within yourself first.

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