I can't wait
until looking in the mirror makes me smile
instead of cower away in shame
that my face
this vessel that carries me
gives me warmth
yet I hurt her so much
but she keeps me going
it's not fair that I treat her this way
but I can't bring myself to love her
and cherish her like I should

They said it would heal with time
but does time really heal?
or are they just trying to put a limit on how much I can wallow?

staring off at the blank walls that surround me

I don't think I'll ever recover
from the nights I spent sobbing
staining the pillow with the makeup thats been left on my face for days
I don't even care anymore
the pent up rage
the anger
the disparity
I want it to leave

leave behind the empty vessel that once held a pure soul

tears stained red
god, I wish I was dead

I long to tear myself apart
to no longer be a being

I wish to disappear
into the void
for my body to become an empty vessel
for my soul to be freed

I wish for the thoughts to stop

I wish I could stop hurting myself
slicing my skin open for some sort of feeling

I wish it would stop.

the marks on my skin
scars, you say?

no

these are not scars
not battle scars to me

for me, they tell me a story,
one that gets told time and time again
because each time the story slips
it must be rewritten
retold
reborn

In some states of mind, these could be battle scars
but that is another's perception

every mark to the skin
every broken piece
every cell split open

Dazed minds
Tear stained cheeks

The result
of a broken heart
a broken mind

The ones you love
It's never enough for them

I just can't win, can I?

That feeling
Before the first sob escapes:

Body shakes
trembles
the lump in the throat
the suffocation
the complete
and utter despair
face scrunches
eyes ******* shut
the muffled noise
like everything around you disappears
And all you are left with is the sadness and bitter thought that you have no one
and you seem to never
l
e
   t
it
g
  o

You never know
the true meaning of grief
until you witness
someone you love
disappear.

The light of your life
suddenly is gone
and shifts your world to dark
and you're stuck
because you were never prepared for the dark
but life is like that
and sadly you had to be the light that disappeared
        -to granny; I love and miss you dearly, and I hope you are not in any more pain, wherever you are.