Another


You say I don't know I'm beautiful,
But it's you.
You don't know.
And you'll never know.

In your eyes,
I'm just another one.
In my eyes,
You're just the only one.

I notice the little things,
But don't we all?
Notice me!

And it's so hard to explain.
Because I love you.
Truly, Madly, Deeply falling.

And I'd like to think I'm special,
Different.
Like I'll walk by,
And you'll follow.
And you won't.

But I love you.

In your eyes,
I'm just another fangirl.
In my eyes,
You're my everything.

there's seven steps to the making and drinking hot cocoa process.

prepping: grab the mug, make sure you use tap water, grab the hot chocolate and spoon and begin the process down below

step one: pour the tap water into your mug, nearing to the top of the mug and place it in the microwave

STEP ONE: you're scrolling on facebook and you see the most handsome man you've ever seen and you automatically hit the friend button and start messaging him. he responds back, almost as quickly.

step two: press the general two minutes into your microwave and "patiently" wait for your hot chocolate

STEP TWO: you've been talking to her for a good month online now, you both mutually decide to meet up and instantaneously become very close. you start dating him.

step three: take out the flaming hot mug of water and proceed to put it on the counter. grabbing the spoon, put two to four spoonfuls of hot chocolate mix into the mug. begin to stir until there are not any "chocolate dust bunnies" floating around, dissolved.

STEP THREE: a month into the relationship, you're both very much in love. you've had your fourth kiss recently-but who's counting?

step four: immediately go to a comfy spot near you, pull up YouTube and watch people sexually assault women on the street and pass it off as a prank. as you are giggling along, take a sip of your dri-gasp! ouch, that really hurt.

STEP FOUR: three months in. he takes your virginity. it really hurt. you weren't ready but you didn't want to disappoint him.

step five: continue slowly drinking your hot chocolate, it's good to savor it. you notice it starts to get cold. you swish it around in your mouth and let it rest for a minute... it doesn't taste like hot chocolate anymore. it's cold, bitter and the mix from the bottom is floating around giving it the taste of dirt.

STEP FIVE: five months in. he started hitting you two weeks and three days ago. you said you wanted to stop having *** so often because it hurt and you weren't having a good time anymore. he said, "you're asking for it, looking so **** hot all of the time" and proceeds to force himself on you for the first time.

step six: you decide, **** this, im done with my hot chocolate and begin to wash it out in your sink.

STEP SIX: seven months in. you break up with him, he tells you he's sorry and you get back together with him. this has been a reoccurring pattern for a month now. but this time, you're done, for good. and turns out, you are.

step seven: you finish off cleaning the mug and spoon that was used to mix the powder and the weight on your shoulders is free. no more ******, cold hot chocolate for you.

STEP SEVEN: you are free, out of a treacherous relationship. "you were too good for him" your friends tell you, "he's disgusting and wasn't even that attractive". you feel unwanted, until one day you see someone staring at you while you're walking into a coffee shop. you begin to get creeped out after an hour and go to talk to him. you exchange numbers with this older man.

step one on: the process of making and drinking apple cider.

wet hair, falling down past her ears
looking into the foggy mirror
gasping, she looked away
ashamed to have seen her face

her face was less than ordinary
even ugly persay
dyed hair of different shades
brown green eyes that looked like shame

tall and skinny is what they call her
but fat and weird is all she sees

being a victim changed her mind
a victim of ****, incestious acts.
maybe things would have been different

back then

if she wasn't of such a young age

*l.e

we used to be the best of friends
but one day,
    things changed

him & i used to like each other
he said he loved me,
but one day,
    things changed

we ended our friendship over the fact that
someone read my journal at your house,
and you were so mean,
and that day,
    things changed

you never asked me to date you
it was more like,
"lets just toy with her emotionally and
use her as i please physically"
and that day in November,
    things changed

the both of you, obviously,
must have just been so brokenhearted without me,
right?

that's why you two started going out,
right after we stopped being best friends,
right?

or was this just planned out all along?

remember when he did something disgusting to me,
and i went back to your house crying,
and you bad-mouthed him for me?

what changed?

things, apparently.

The itsy bitsy razor
crawled up her thighs last night
down came the blade and sliced, and sliced, and sliced
out came the blood and
drowned her demons dead
and the itsty bitzy razor
latched inside her head

more like shameful.

abandoning your daughter,
leaving her for the wild wolves
or was that just her father?

sobbing every night,
wishing you would talk to her
wishing she could take back whatever she did
or did she not do anything?

maybe you just couldn't handle the fact
that she was everything she said she was
she tried her hardest at ignoring hate
and to strive forward in life
or maybe, maybe she was just like you?

no, she was exactly
unlike you.

*lily espy

runny noses
coughing season

ugh and ew.

are you ready for
   a perfect score
cause once you're mine
   there's no going back

i lost my voice today
i want to scream

but

i cant