This wasn't the planned ending
Know it's unexpected
Kinda surprised myself
Thought I had a few more years left
I'm not going to lie and say I'm sorry
I didn't quit on life
My finish line just wasn't as far
Endings and beginnings
No two are the same
It's not selfish on my part
It's my life to call
Don't be angry and I promise everything will be alright

I admire how you live
I respect everything about you
Stayed away from the trap
Always there with a hand when I fell in
I never planned on being controlled
By the time I seen it
The addiction was out of control
I didn't deserve you
You never deserved what I put you through
Wanted you to be proud to be by my side
I wanted to stop completely
Each relapse killed a part of me
I just hope I didn't completely shatter your heart
I pray that you love again
Don't fight moving on
Let me be part of your past
Your to strong to let this weaken you
Never doubt how much I love you
You were my everything

If I could ask one last thing
Cremate me and spread my ashes
Half in the ocean with Scott
Half with my mom and dad
No need for a service
Who needs people acting like they will miss me
It's been four years so life insurance is good
Suicide is covered after two
The papers are in the bottom drawer
Under the cards you have given me
Take the money and spend it without guilt
If possible I'll always be looking down on you

Goodbye my beautiful wife
Thank you for always being my best friend
I love you

Two am and I'm wide awake
Pacing the floor beside a bed I once shared with a woman that use to love me
Now it sits cold and empty
Dark mental images keep me from sleep
So I grab my phone to release the pain
Try to make words rhyme to post them online
Maybe impress a few strangers
Pray at least one hits like
So I can feel like I'm worth more then nothing

Mixing liquor and coke
One shot chased with two lines
Label it poetry but to me...
This is my heart bleeding
Asking what if while reliving the past making bad memories reignite the flame
On the same road I spent half my life on
Four hundred and sixty nine pairs of shoes I have worn out on broken lane
Shed more tears then three oceans could hold
Wonder aloud why I still ask questions When I been waiting on answers since 99
The cherry from these Marlboro reds is the only light ahead of me
Been secluded so long I ******* hate me
Man life just loves to penetrate me
Tried of being on the downside of the bright side
If this is to dark I'm sorry but it's all I been allowed to know
You holy father took most of my family
And that ***** I mentioned in the second line stole the rest from me
Jesus Christ what do you have aginest me...

I'm sorry Lord please forgive me
Truth is i changed in ways that makes me ashamed
No longer the man of yesteryear
To look at me now you would never believe the greatest woman to ever be raised me
Am I to lost to find the real me
Me...
Me...
Selfish ******* look how many lines end with me
It wasn't you that cancer killed
You ever fell asleep just to never wake again
You know about bring bedridden while your body decides to slowly fade away
Be honest with yourself
Do you blame her for taking the kids away
Turned this house into a hell hole
Preach you want change but afraid to take that step
Who can live when their lying to their self
My advice is ...
If you tired of this downhill road
Turn your *** around
Fight the battle that leads to higher ground
If that's to much then carry on
Find a spot and dig your hole
We don't need the dead walking around up here

Love is hurt wrapped in a beautiful disguise
Love is lies  
Stalks your soul  
Steals your breathe
Fills you with false hope
It keeps secrets you never know till it's to late
Seldom does it stay
Whether we mean it or not
We are taught it's what you say
If ******* came first then guess what

Love is wanted as much as it's needed
Some abuse it
While others try to control it
Ignorant ones believe its just for straight ones  
I seen women sell it because men buy it  
Close your eyes to long she'll be gone to find it
Then be dishonest about it    
Makes smart ones stupid
Turns good ones bad
Makes you smile then want to die in the blink of an eye  
Its cruel and unfair
Takes and steals
Makes some run back to exes
Turning currents into exes
Making room for a friend to become your replacement
Leaving love to be a sign
That sign reads exit  

May change everyday
It can fade with time
It laughs then cries or cries then laughs
It can go either way  
The most powerful drug    
We crave it  
Its strong but not undefeated
Fills the hole our heart may have
It's unexplainable
Its hard to hold on to
Love is magic
Love is attractive
Can be tragic
Can't be taught
You can see it without hearing it    
Love heals and motivates
Love
Its the greatest thing

Not to be rude but I think I should go now
No trust me
It's the best for the both of us
Cause the longer I stand here the more I want to rip open your chest and pull your heart out
Stomp on it again and again
Stopping right before it stops beating
Attach it back and pat you on the head
Now we're even
You can feel how I'm feeling
Use your words to say I'm sorry I didn't mean to
I hope we can still be friends
Now can you understand how stupid that sounds
It's like a vegetarian killing a cow just for the milk
So again excuse me
Not to be rude but I think I should go now

I'm the bottom of the pit I allowed myself to fall into
With no rope
What's the point of hope
Free falling part 2
I just need a beat to sing to
I would pray but these days
I'm closer to the devil
Stepson of satin lost in lust to the next one to give it up
Take the shovel and save the world
Bury the evil so the good carries on

Rain washes the blood away
Cleans the scene so it's ready for the next
Which we always act surprised by
Add another lock on the door
Gun in our drawer
Turning our home into a jail
Never realizing who the inmates are
False belief on thinking we're in charge
Celebrating victory to soon
Check the clock
It's lunch time
Be ready to surrender when the day resumes

These days life is out of our hands
Kids shooting for a few dollars
Grown men **** to feel tough
Women completely flipped
Shooting **** just to make sure the trigger works
Shell casings litter the ground
Right beside needles and dope bags
Across the street from where a group of kids play
Ten miles from the tracks that once divided this town We're over that now
Cause everybody uses now
The drug addicted city
Not a piece of copper to be found
Every time a dealer comes through it's a sell out event
Can someone tell anyone we need help
A city going under
New Orleans minus the water
Guess we'll wait till it's to late
You know when people finally wake up
I wish this one was one I made up