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1.4k · Aug 2016
Aspergers
Charles McCue Aug 2016
Living in a world of grey
Though only black and white
Are the colors that I see
Whether day or night

I just really can't believe
That what You see is true
And how can you tell me
That i should feel like you

Seeing flowers trees and birds
And plays, and sad, sad movies
Does not invoke such thoughts you see
And you can't show them to me

My world is perfect, pristine and white
You nought but trespass here
What audacity you have
To say my world is weird

My heart is great and deep and wide
More empty than the night
I rather think you cluttered
Sure you have your feelings right?

Through depths of sorrow can I waltz
Like floating on the breeze
Your happines is much too loud
And unplesant for me

I still can't figure how you get
So angry and upset
Over things that others do
When still you've never met

Please instruct me, teach me
Oh great, wise, philosopher
Just how it is I need
Your feelings that occur

You say I'm broken, strange, messed up
You say you can help
I say if you are that good at it
Then you should help yourself

Your social customs, curticies
You do them without purpose
You cling so tightly hold them close
I gladly call them worthless

I'm not so cold and callused
As though it prolly seems
I'm really still working on
Which response you need

I may not cry when someone falls
Whether you or I
But I can promise I'll be the first
To help your tears to dry

Friend and family and acquaintance
All mean the same to me
I'll gladly help you when you need
With no return or fee

Eating breathing sometimes bleeding
Still less man than machine
Dont be so surprised when I
Respond mechanically

Living in a world of grey
Though only black and white
Are the colors that I see
There's only wrong or right
666 · Aug 2016
My Light
Charles McCue Aug 2016
Silently crying while waiting on dying
My life as a zombie with grey all that i see
A lifeless corpse filled with remorse
A heart made of stone, feeling unknown

Endless life going on without living
No purpose or meaning ever been given
Feeling no peace whether dead or living
A graveyard would serve as a home

Tired, so tired yet never inspired
But pain, feeling better than joy
Has taken my company, residing within me
It also can't go on alone.

A lifetime passes. A year, or a day
By this time I can no longer tell
But i see a small spark, a faint glow in the dark
And i feel such a warmth on my skin

Though first out of fear, my distance i keep
Not wishing to widen the gap
I soon find myself in the same company
And at last my Light I have met

The closer I get to this Brilliant Flame
The lesser and greater my mind numbing pain
It seems all the time I spent in the dark
Had frozen my small rocky heart

I soon felt an ache so terrible and great
In the place I kept calm reserve
And naught but in fright of that Blinding Hot Light
I attacked that for which I had yearned

To my great dispare and no great delight
My anguish had now been passed on to my Light
I have learned through my fight
I must cherish my Light

I now spend my days while at work or at play
Remembering, dreaming of that special day
When my Light pleged to me, her life away
And I cherish each moment I have
we celebrated our one year anniversary august 15
489 · Sep 2016
Poet
Charles McCue Sep 2016
The darkness flees into the night
The hunger gladly chases light
The fear indulges in the fight
I cant get it right

The desperate often come out sore
The lover always asking more
The silent child always cries
But i can't scarecly get it right

The ache can dull the greater pain
The solitude can mend or maim
The whisper can confuse the lie
Still i won't get it right

The honesty set on the shelf
The past begrudging future help
The day breaks naught but for itself
So i must get it right

The Once and Future comes no more
The Poet taken for a bore
The story none have heard before
Once I get it right
488 · Aug 2016
Untitled
Charles McCue Aug 2016
Growing destuction from creation
Forgoing the art of appreciation
Not watching, no participation
Ignoring my own emancipation

Pulling the plug on my own demise
Ignoring the painful distant cries
Oh, how the world yearns for lies
Its honesty they will despise

Calling out for vallidation
Alienating my own nation
Walking without trepidation
Not questioning this amputation

Cutting all familiar ties
Hiding from my soul that flies
Only till the time it dies
Oh, how i would open my cold eyes

Building peace with agitation
Waiting for my cancelation
Wishing none would feel abrasion
Leaving most with palpitation
459 · Sep 2016
Time
Charles McCue Sep 2016
In Time* the darkness rises
In Time we walk alone
In Time the child wanders
In Time we lose our home

In Time the moonlit night
In Time will bare the soul
In Time the poet yonder
In Time will yet grow old

In Time great love once burning
In Time dwindled to coals
In Time the heart once fickle
In Time will bury hope

In Time the monster cornered
In Time bites feeding hand
In Time the thoughts once pondered
In Time will join the sand
450 · Nov 2016
In a Moment
Charles McCue Nov 2016
Breathe...
Just breathe.
Let it wash over your skin
And breath...

The feeling of helplessness,
Of grief, of sorrow,
Gives a certain sense of peace

Cant express the feeling riding on this,
This brush with death warms me
Consuming the pain of joy

Just breathe...
And stand
Stand and bear this burden
And breathe...

The enormous task of living
Greater than one
But less than the sum of two

The calculations wont add
The chemicals wont mix
The pieces just wont fit

The puzzle of existence falls to the floor
As the boot of reality crushes it underfoot
All the while hope gently floats on the breeze

And I breathe...
438 · Aug 2016
Life
Charles McCue Aug 2016
Waiting wanting falling fading
Loving living dying hating
Eating leaving starving staying

Backwards on life, twisted in death
Can't even fall for fear of a step
Lost in thoughts I cannot find
Can't realise I'm losing my mind
Spending all time on things too small
Losing my grip on importance of all

Cannot forget

Cannot erase

Chasing regret

I quicken the pace
426 · Aug 2016
Like you were here
Charles McCue Aug 2016
Hatred and anger competing for failure.
Cannot face death but still can't face life.
Reality pierces my soul like a knife.

Cannot let go,
Cannot press on.
Cannot look forward for fear of defeat,
Cannot look back for fear of me.

Love and despair on a coat hanger.
Won't wear either in spite of my need.
Nothing can grow from this rotten seed.

Cannot let go,
Cannot press on.
Cannot look forward for fear of defeat,
Cannot look back for fear of me.

If love is the cancer, then patience the doctor,
Both looking on to see what they see.
Anger the drug, compulsion the answer,
Forcing my hand, my body's commander.

Cannot stand back, I must journey on.
Cannot believe my will is this strong.

Ignoring my failures and chains of fear,
I carry on just like you were here.
A song I'm working on
267 · Nov 2017
Rather
Charles McCue Nov 2017
Death would be too sweet a release
It would stick to my teeth
It would coat my gums
My tongue would go numb

Much better the bitter
The slow sip with a kicker
A continual life
To gag on at night

My death much too easy to chew
And swallow too
The bliss I'd recieve
Makes it too hard to grieve

Life much dryer to choke
My thirst parched throat
And the spice burns my eyes
Reminds me I'm alive
230 · Sep 2016
Hope
Charles McCue Sep 2016
The crying, the screaming,
The pain without meaning
So complacently patient
So sick'nenly silent

A thousand deaths
Can't wash away
The torturous wounds
You've bestowed to me

The hate and the lying,
The constant crying
Unobservedly nuicent
'Cause you've found your place yet

You cannot see
Scars, you gave to me
The death of a saint
To the sinners grace

All I have left
Is your second best
225 · Sep 2016
The art of writing
Charles McCue Sep 2016
Wishing both Passion and Anonymity
The same side of two coins
After ever, Eternity
First defeat had won
A growing cold beneath the flame
The careful waters nurtured
A passing notion for a kiss
Death presents His virtues

Will and Strength both in jest
Along with Constitution
Stir the muddied waters
Governed by Inspiration
Now chastened Fear beneath the moon
The aweful sonnet wispered
Left drunken Sorrow quite confused
On how he could have missed her

The quiet chains of Solitude
Sorrow kept in tow
Drug over the corpse of Pain
Where flowers never grow
The Writer with hypothesies
Sleeps beneath the covers
Quietly while on His sholder
Torture kindly hovers
192 · Aug 2016
Disinterested
Charles McCue Aug 2016
Living in the past,  I try to wake up.
Reality is just too fast, it's left me in the dust.
Living in a dream between waking and asleep,
But never actually waking up.
Life isn't what it seems
I know that I am wasting time.
That much is clear to me.
But I can't get out of this,
I'm blind and cannot see.
Living in a dream between waking and asleep.
But I'm still not waking up.
Please...
Just let me be.
I wrote this back when i was 14.
I thought i would grow out of it, but i never have.
190 · Aug 2016
Guilty
Charles McCue Aug 2016
Feeling* the room stand still
The world shifted
I am awake

Now answering the call
My fear lifted
My bones quake

Mouth serving hand the pill
Your life gifted
Death escapes

Longing for your nightfall
Eternity sifted
Contemplate

Knawing on the hand that feeds
Holding back for fear of greed
Spitting on those in need
Guilty is how we **plead
177 · Aug 2016
Heart of stone
Charles McCue Aug 2016
A heart of stone
Has no fear
Pain and Joy
Have no place here

One cant feel
If it is near
A silent, calm
Ship I steer

Needing not
To shed a tear
Or anguished cries
Of yours to hear

The outside of it
Almost sheer
The silence if it
almost queer

With robotic
Response to fear
But Joy in
solitude found here

Letting no one else
Draw near
Away from friendship
It will steer

Scoffing at a
Lonely tear
Sadness will
It never hear

Its rocky ledges
Are quite sheer
With great, deep caverns
Just as queer
171 · Sep 2016
Futile
Charles McCue Sep 2016
Try and hold to the mighty road
When all others lose their way.  
You'll soon find yourself alone,
At the end of the day.  
You pace yourself, like no one else.
'Cause u know in the end,
You're the only one you'll see
Around the next bend.  
Don't kid yourself, you know your not
The only one for the long haul.
Your just the only one who doesnt
Know you've lost it all.  
So dont burden yourself
With memories, of long ago.
We both know you'll never again
See rain or shine or snow.  
Dont stop to think or contemplate,
Who or where u are.
'Cause you dont have a reason
For coming along this far.  
Or at least thats something,
You'll never know.
Till at last u finish,
Going as far as you can go.  
So win the race. Striving,
At last to finish your quest.
You've already lost everything,
Dont lose what you have left.
Wrote this four years ago, the third time I dropped out of college
158 · Apr 2017
Untitled
Charles McCue Apr 2017
Hear the wind, hear it cry,
Hear it moan, hear it sigh...
Hear the wind in side my head,
Hear it scream to wake the dead.
131 · Aug 2016
Last Time
Charles McCue Aug 2016
I'm losing a fight i cannot win.
Why does my enemy haunt me above all else?
I can't concentrate, i stumble but don't fall.
Whose hands are these?
I cant seem to remember.
When did my feet become so heavy?
Where am i even going?
Dreams, dreams while i am awake...
I don't know whats real anymore.
I cant give up. i press on,
Unable to fight back
But refusing to back down.
Unwilling to yield, this enemy i know.
So cold... No compromise can be won here.
No discussion, no rational,
No allies in this war.
I command an army of one.
And now those i love, even in their homes fall.
I stumble, i fall.
Whose heavy head hangs on this neck?
Maybe some odds
Were never meant to be surmounted.
Fear takes over as i finally realise,
I'm sinking for the last time.
My strength gives out,
I concede this battle.
Not willing still to submit,
I position myself upright as i can,
Leaning as i must.
My eyes close for the Last Time.
I catch a fleeting glimpse of the victor.
Gloating, as my sanity crumbles
And i cease to think.
How gentle he appears,
How benign and sweet.
All reason lost as my mind goes blank.
And i once again
Fall, helpless,
To sleep
This is how i feel every night.
124 · Nov 2017
Untitled
Charles McCue Nov 2017
This one thing i cannot know
The way you hate and love me so

Amazing creating a wonderful rage
With shallow stagnant love

This one thing I cant let go
The way you love and hate me, no

Unfortunate casualty of casual war
With none of your battles real
112 · Nov 2017
To the One I Love
Charles McCue Nov 2017
In the broken twilight you stare
The darkness glist'ning in your hair
The deaths of family broke you none
The deaths of friends the starting gun

The race you wear like cheap jewelry
The chase you show so fake and erie
The end in sight if turned your head
The end in hindsight now we're dead

Uncertain love is what you crave
Partial hate you need
Unconventional life like a grave
In you lie with headstone of greed

In wasted moments between
The life and death I glean
The single choice you left me
The single path you test me

The shadows curl around your feet
The light bends inward to your center
The souls of many you devour
The souls you loved lay dead this hour
109 · Aug 2016
Untitled
Charles McCue Aug 2016
Dream, young one...
Sleep, young one.
For tonight we rise...
The unlooked for,
The unknown ones,
The anxiously waited on.
Tonight we shine blinding as the sun,
Though dark the night.
None stop our march,
No one asks us why.
Invisible and unmistakeable,
This dream you once believed.
Into and onto the minds tangle,
Worse than ever conceived.
Hear, we are needed,
Here we are hated.
Now suffer the sting of pleasure,
Safe in the arms of forever.

— The End —