I rarely ask for anything
I always base decisions
On what you would want

But the one time
I ask for something small
You won’t let me have it

I do everything you ask
And all I get is
We have other plans
But then
My sisters get to go
And be with friends
While I’m stuck at home
Once again

I think that when I’m older
I’ll think back to now
The happenings
Of a 14-year-old
And wish life was still just as simple

But for now
I can’t wait to be older
And it couldn’t come any sooner

What is it
about ice cream?

Piping hot
Gooey and fluffy
Rolls of dough
Swirled
With sugar
Cinnamon
And butter
And on the top
Slowly oozing
Melting down the sides
Is glaze
Or frosting
Whichever
Is your cup of tea

This miraculous invention
Forever changing
Human life
As we know it
A cinnamon roll
The most amazing
And tasty
Thing known
To mankind

You stand there waiting
For someone to come
Or something
To take you away
You stand there secluded
Lost in your own little world
Thinking through the days behind
And ahead
Dreaming of what could be
Lost in a world
Of what if’s
And this could happen
Bad things
Good things
Anything you could come up with
Then you hear the sound
Of the bus getting closer
And your ripped out of your
Comfortable little world
And pulled back into reality.

Sometimes
I wish I could just sit
With a cup of hot cocoa
A book in hand
Draped in blankets
And watch the pink sunset out my window

Sometimes
I wish I could just stop everything
And take a nap
Whenever I wanted

Sometimes
I wish life was far more simple
Like it used to be

Sometimes
I wish I could freeze time
Or even time travel
To fix mistakes
To tell myself - why would you do that?!

Sometimes
I wish I could fly
Free like a bird
With no worries
But the next meal

Sometimes
I just wish
I could slow down
Put things on hold
And take a break
From life

I stand there
I can feel the bass
Thumping
As everyone is dancing
I stand there
With my arms feeling too long
Too big for my body
Embarrassed and uncomfortable
Something odd happens within
And a darkness bursts out
Of the light and cheery
That is always within me

And just like that
Goes my good mood

You stare
Willing it not to move
You stand there
Unblinking
Unflinching
But not unchanging
Eventually you’ll have to blink
And nothing will be the same
As it was before

Now the past is no more
The present won’t last for long
And the future is just as out of reach
As perhaps the moon

I zone out
Staring at the light
Everything becomes
A big bright blur
When suddenly
I wake up
And wonder
*What just happened?

I look at the bookshelf
Standing in front of me
The many stories
That can be read
And make adventures

I wish I could just
Choose a book
And live in that world
No matter how perfect
Or horrible it is
At least
It would be better
Than mine

If I could go into my mind
Walk around
It would look like
A cute little bookshop
Old and rustic
Books overflowing on shelves
All containing the knowledge my mind holds
A few cobwebs
In high up places
Overstuffed chairs
Made for comfort
When I need it
I imagine an older lady
In charge of the store
Wise for my age
The thoughts of
An 80 year old
In a 14 year old's body
When I was younger
It was probably like the children's section
Pictures filled my mind
Giving me the imagination
To keep my innocence
For as long as I did
My mom would say
That a 36 year old
Ran the shop then
And I, the 7 year old
Was a common costumer

I wish I could
Just live in my mind
And not have to interact
With the outside world

Sometimes I like to think
The boys that I get infatuated with
Will visit my little bookstore
And search the shelves
While I hide in an overstuffed chair
And admire them from the distance

I could go on forever
With this metaphor
Of my mind
So I won’t

While those who read this
Get a quick glimpse
Into my bookshop
And if they look hard enough
They can see the dark haired girl
With a smattering of freckles
Sunk into a chair
With a book in hand
And a pen in the other
As she expands her knowledge
She finishes a book
And adds it to the shelf
Another day
Another adventure

There once was a girl
Different than others
She had morals
She had standards
The rain was her sun
She didn’t care much for “fun”
She stuck with her books
Her comfort, her knowledge
She knew what she wanted

She had trials
She had joy
Throughout it all
She remained true
To the girl she swore she would be
And stayed away from those who she said
I can’t be near them, they may change me

As she got older she grew and matured
She learned to be wiser
She leaned to be kinder
Her views widened
Her horizons expanded
She was no longer as innocent
And ignorant as before

She stopped her judging
Started her loving
Her wants changed
From silly trivial things
To longing for the feeling
of contentment
and
eternal joy
She no longer wanted the perfect prince
She wanted the knight in rusty armor
For he would have faults
But so did she
And together they would be perfect

She didn’t fling herself around
She didn’t broadcast her voice
She was quiet
She was reserved
But those who she helped
Knew she was different than she seemed

She had deep friendships
Whose roots ran to the core of the earth
And would never be broken
Her faith was strong
And her courage firm

She was happy and content
She was coming out of her shell
Out of the ridiculous worry of judgement
She worked hard to become who she was
And she was proud of it.

I lay in bed
Trying desperately to go to sleep
But the thoughts are running freely through my head
Like I'm watching someone fill a cup
But it's about to overflow
The liquid getting closer to the top
It looks like a cup of cocoa
I can't stop thinking

Ideas, worries, and just plain old thoughts
Mixed and melding
Until I can no longer focus
I tell myself to breathe in breathe out
Focus on the sound of the fan
Close my eyes and focus on nothing at all
Breathe in
Breathe out
And fall asleep

There are different kinds
All the same
All different
Different sizes and colors
They make up parts of life

Soap bubbles
Cleaning, scrubbing
Washing dirt, grit
And all the bad
Away
Reflecting you
Your surroundings
In different colors
Different views

Word bubbles
Floating up from the heart
Trying to escape
Only a few make it
The rest
Broken inside
Choking you
Restricting you
Making you regret
Not opening your mouth
To let them out

The best kind of bubbles
Bubbles of laughter
Bubbles of joy
Bouncing out of your mouth
Tickling you until you let them out
The fun bubbles
That make that joy
Drawing the wand
Blowing the joy
Into the bubbles
Until they are ready
To go
And spread joy of their own

Bubbles reflect
Joy and sadness
The two polar opposites
That compliment each other
Completely
You cannot have one
Without the other
Sometimes the bubbles of joy
Will pop
Explode in your face
But you can take out your wand
And start all over again

I have always hated change
I don’t like the unexpected
When I have a way I do things
I don’t change it

And then when someone suddenly decides
That its time for change
Let's move! Away from everything
Your life
Your friends
Your school
And I can’t do anything about it
I hate it

And the something happens
Or multiple things
Maybe stress
Maybe drama
Maybe family relationships

And then suddenly
I can’t wait
To leave
And start anew

I have a bracelet
Given to me by a friend
Bought in a foreign country

The beads are wooden
The beads are colorful
The string is woven
Throughout and around
The beads

Like our friendship
The outs
And ins

Feel great, feel cool, feel nice. Nice people, nice things, nice ice. Ice cream, ice blocks, ice cubes. Cube, pyramid, cone, sphere. Circle, circle of life, what comes around goes around. Ring around the rosey. Tulips, daffodils, daisies, pansies. Scared, frightened, freaked. Surprise, happy, content, friends. Social, shy, outgoing. Going out with friends, going out of town, going to bed. Sleep, cozy, pillows, blankets, nighttime. Stars, moon, owls, darkness. Dark hair, dark chocolate, dark night, Dark Knight. Batman, Superman, Cat-women, Supergirl, Flash. Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Thor. Pepper Potts, Peggy Carter, Jane Foster. Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, William Shakespeare. Elizabeth and Darcy, Romeo and Juliet, Jane and Rochester. Love, tragedy, comedy. Happily ever after, never, future, past, present. Wishes, desires, wants, needs. Thoughts, actions, words, deeds. If, when, now, how. Questions, answers, research. Study, work, write, draw. Art, paint, opinions, facts. Math, history, grammar, science. Religion, faith, beliefs, devotion. Marriage, together, apart. Separate, different, change. Old, new, used. Abandoned, left, alone, useless. Useful, helpful, needed, wanted. A place, person, thing. Adjective, verb, adverb, noun, pronoun, proper noun. Mad Libs.

I slip in my ear buds and lean against the window

Remembering pulling on my coral and daisy rain boots
Pulling on my rain coat
Walking outside, rain dripping out of the clouds
Puddles splashing as I walk through them
The reflection of the tree’s in the pond
The birds flying low, staying under cover

A big puddle is in the middle of the sidewalk
I jump in it.
Drops of water fly everywhere.
A grin makes its way to my face        “Watch it!”
And melts back off.

I continue to trudge to the bus stop.
Standing there alone amid all the people.
My bright colors stand out in all the dark.
I can feel the eyes burning into me, but I refuse to give in.
The bus comes, we get on and we go

I sit in the same seat
Alone
I unzip my bag, fish out my phone and earbuds
Preparing for another day of loneliness,
That the brightest color of boots will never change.

As we all know
There are different kinds
Well meant
Trying to be helpful
Or
Just being plain rude

Some people don’t take
Any sort of criticism well
Good or bad
They ask for it
But don’t want to listen to it
They don’t want to believe it
So they fight it
And hurt you in the process
Make you feel guilty
Make you even more aware
Of what you say
And do
Knowing that people
Might be thinking harsh
Mean things
About you

Pencil scratching words out
Silence
The sound of paper and lead connecting
Rustling
Frustration, not meaning what you write
Eraser comes out
The crumbler of words
Rubs across the unwanted
And now unsaid
Words that don’t let you speak your mind
Wipe the crumbled words away
Let them fly off the table
Land on the ground
Begin an adventure
That only crumbled words can
Rolling out into
Toiaywahds
Shifting
Changing
Fitting
Into what it means
What do I say
The crumbled words representing
Things you would never dare admit
imssoiuy
liveoouy
Unscrambling
Rearranging
Letting themselves free
I miss you
I love you
Brushing those haunting
Impacting, changing words away
Keeping yourself
Alone
Safe
lonely

Don't say you understand
Don't look at me like you know

Because you don't

Just comfort me
Hold me

But if you can't
Without sounding patronizing

Then leave me alone

It’s strange.
I want to write elegant poetry
That rhymes
With metaphors
And all the fancy poetic devices

But whenever I start a poem
That I planned on writing
More eloquently
And fancy

It always comes out
Random
Without form
Or anything special

Sometimes I’ll get lucky
And have a few good lines

I used to be annoyed by that
But now
I don’t care
I just want to write my poetry

Every once in awhile
I can’t help
But feeling
Completely clueless

How do people see me
When I’m alone
What do I look like
Being asked to move
Knowing no one
Dosen’t help
As they all assume
I’m all alone

I feel clueless
When I don’t know what they’re saying
But I don’t ask for clarification
In fear of those patronizing looks and smiles

I am clueless
When it comes to the real world
I haven’t had enough experience
Perhaps I didn’t pay attention
When I really should have

I don’t understand
What people are going through
I don’t see the signs
That show
The fears and troubles
They are trying to fix
I just stand there
Blind
Thinking all is right
When all is wrong

I stand there
Thinking how great my life is
I don’t have big troubles
School, grades
Thats it

Still clueless
Still oblivious
I doubt I’ll learn.

Cars driving
Trucks going
Ice melting

Factories making
Workers working
Ice melting

Stars living
Poor dying
Ice melting

Science arguing
God watching
Ice melting

Students learning
Teachers talking
Ice melting

World arguing
States fighting
Ice melting

One teen
Wishing
To help
But not knowing how
In this world of exhaustion
So
Ice keeps melting

Some of the craziest blue eyes
That you’ve ever seen
Bright blue eyes
Always observant
Always watching

Dull green eyes
Never noticing
Never seeing

What do you do
When the one you want
Is the one who doesn't notice you

Lately I've felt like I'm just floating
My home is here
My friends are there

And I don't know where I belong

My roots are in this ***
I have been here my whole life
But because I cannot yet
Control my decisions
I can’t have a say in what I do

So without asking
I am uprooted
To somewhere new
That I will have to adjust and get used to

I will try to go along
And try to make it work
I will try to be excited and open-minded
But there will always be a part of me
That wants to go back
And make the choice myself

I will get used to the change in weather
The bigger ***
And the other flowers
I will go on with my life
Try to make the best of it
And I will try to find a place in my heart
To forgive you.

I usually take for granted
All the things my mom does for me
The things she sacrifices
And goes without
So I can be happy
So I can have what she dosen’t
So my childhood would be better
Than hers

Instead of getting herself new clothes
She survives on the same ones
From years and years before
So I can have new wardrobe
Each new school year

She pays for activities
Afterschool fun and sports
That aren’t required
Aren’t needed but wanted
She drives me back and forth
Waiting for the day I could do it myself

Listening to my pointless stories
And putting up with my bad habits
Helping with decisions
And giving me wisdom
That I get annoyed with
But I know she just wants the best

This poem could go on
And on and on
About all the things
My mother does for me

I know not everyone is as lucky
As I am
With a mother who would do so much
Just to see me happy
And I will always be grateful
For everything she does for me
Because she loves me
And because of that
I love her

I will always remember my preschool teacher
Telling me...
*A little bit goes a long way

The sun shines into the raindrop
The drop filled with tree's
A waterfall
Birds singing and in the distance
You can hear Christmas bells ringing
The drop filled with words
of joy, sadness and longing

As the drop continues its descent
the sun continues through the rain
Turning it into pure gold
Before it falls into the hands
of a girl
With bright red rain boots
and water droplets in her hair

Why do we always want what we can’t have?
Wouldn’t it be so much easier to want the things we need?
To be happy with what we do have?

But alas
We are but human.
And it is our nature to want
And desire
We can’t have everything
And if we’re always wanting something
Then how will we ever be happy?

cute but comfy clothes
funny and sensitive
biking and acting
birds and more birds
orange juice
warmed-up Peeps
listening to music in the shower
classical music
jazz and
everything else
but country
a stress reader
avid ice cream eater
Odwalla lover
rain and sun
regency romance
Climate Change worrier
pen addict
a listening ear
logical and reasonable
silver linings
me -- through poetry

I'm addicted
To ice cream

I hate this feeling of dread
knowing that no matter how I prepare myself
I won't be able to stop it

No matter who I surround myself with
I cannot stop the inevitable feeling
that I will feel
When I am away from my family
even for a single day

I can't hide from the feeling
of homesick
and I don't think it will change

I tried to hold it off.
Keep the sadness at bay.
But tonight,
Looking through pictures and
Remembering old times

The tears started flowing
And this time
I didn’t hold them back

I was never going to be that girl,
The one who wanted
What she obviously couldn't have.

The one who wished a boy like him
Would like her instead,
Of her best-friend who is perfect for him

I didn't want to be that jealous friend
But now look at me.
I am.

You look at me
And my head jerks back

What was that?!
It wasn’t me!
Why is my body trying
To torture me

The embarrassment
You must think I’m mental

It's like a knee-**** reaction..
But it's a head-**** reaction.

Click
The room brightens
Twist
I can see better
Push
The monsters in the closet are gone
Turn
I can relax now

The dark is light
With a button or ****
Changing my whole perspective
Of the room

I always wish
That hand-writing
A letter
Didn’t go out of style.

I miss the excitement
Of getting something in the mail.
Opening a hand addressed envelope
And reading the words sent to me.

But now
All I get in the mail
Is bills and unwanted
Or needed, advertisements.

Or is it dead?*

Black which is not
The color of my soul
Black that is all things
Rough, hard and scary
Black is threats, is hurt,
Is wrong, is *****

Black is hard to get rid of
An annoying stain
That stays far too long
Eventually you give up
Because no matter how close
You are to pure white
The decisions
You wrote in black
Will always stain your mind
Even if it's a small dot
Moving back into your mind
Even if you never think of it
It's still there
Irreversible
Unchangeable

Black is rough
And tough
It's daunting
And evil
In its luring ways
Scaring you
Until you give in
To the decay

Black is cold
Black is solid
Black has no qualities
That anyone should want
Unless
You welcome
The destructive and penetrating
Emptiness
That could enter
Your soul

Blue is cool.

   Soft blue waves,
         Caressing the sand
                   Saying it's going to be okay
                                                       -- Calming blue --
                                                                           Still water
                                                              Slight ripples,
                             Causing the water to live

                                                       Blue is not heated.

                                                        Ice cold glaciers,
                                                           Hard as rock
                                                                Slowly melting
                                                         -- Hard blue --
                                                                        Changing ice
                                                                                  Softening heart,
                                                                                           Making the calm blue

                     Blue is understanding, forgiving, and slowing down.

Red is a paradox

                                                    Red can be hate
                                                 Blood boiling anger
                                              Fist fights and beatings
                                                Rumors and gossip
                                      Red like fall leaves falling away
                                         From the tree - their family
                                   From the other leaves - their friends

Red the color of a hot temperature

                                                   Red can be love
                                                Pretty little blushes
                                             Passion and friendship
                                     Beating hearts and broken hearts
                                         Red like a rose symbolizing
                                         Thorns - the hard struggles
                                 The petals - the good and wonderful
Red is bold.
.