it was with love too
                        sudden
                             too
                               new
                           too
                    shiny
that a heart
sudden heavy
felt as a curse:
something
to fear & mourn

but
acceptance
rang
through the ranks
as a war cry:

bright
and queer
and pure
and he —

who knew
      my pieces
and just
      how they
all
fit
together

— spoke:
       “ a heart is indeed a heavy burden -
          but we can surely offer you a hand. “

i want
to hold your hand
to kiss your face
to tell you you're beautiful

i want
to take you to an art museum
to use cheesy pickup lines
to laugh with you

i want
to get coffee with you
to feel the chill of autumn
to offer you my scarf

i want
to take you out to the desert
to trace the stars in the sky
to trace the stars on your skin

i came to you
bright eyed and hopeful
looking to a future that you could never see

//

i leave you now
with my heart more steady
to find the future in myself instead of other people

happiness is
a living being
a fragile thing
i hold so gently

some days it gets sick
some days it breaks
some days it gets lost

if i don't
have
the
tools
to put it back together

i will find them
in the little things

every now and then
i see glimpses of them
and i can feel my soul
reaching out to

tiny fingers filtering sand
on long-distant shores

my mother's voice
in a tongue i do not speak

the heat on my face
as the sun finally rises

the pain of defeat
washed away by the tide

i long to know them once more
but perhaps one day
ill learn to be at peace
with lives i once lived

Once upon a frozen land,
pity weigt upon your soul.
You saw it fit to take me, then,
and offer me a home.

Seems I was never in the right,
though He was never wrong --
what fool was I to never question
where I, true, belonged.

Years drifted past us quietly,
dripped from both our hands,
but you had always known the truth
despite your careful dance.

Now that I've seen your clever ruse,
and I, your son no more..
Ragnarok, one day, shall come --
your crimes, you'll answer for.