It feels like a [monster? slime? creature?]
T H I N G
just clawing away at me.
It overwhelms, and screams, and rips and shreds at my insides,
begging me to take away the parts that aren’t me
that somehow managed to stick on my body anyways.
Body?
Corpse?
Husk.
Shell.
I am stuck in a shell
that i am not supposed to be in,
and i cannot get out no matter how much i  try
to
kick and
flail,
escape attempts are futile until i turn 18.
Hormones are raging at the wrong levels,
and my voice is not my own.
My body does not look how it is supposed to,
like someone has put the head of a ken doll on a barbie’s body.
I am a massacred mr(?) potato head
with mrs. potato head's body parts
shoved in all the wrong places.
It is so painful
to sit in the shower
and cry over the body that is not mine.
And you still believe
that I am your
little “girl”?

I wonder how things will pan out
will i live where i plan to live?
see who i plan to see?


will i ever be the person that i plan to be
or am i stuck this way forever?

and not one person
thought to tell me
that my grandpa
is dying.

Red and black sludge flows
From his mouth

He tries to scream but it
Comes out as a gargled wail

Roses bloom on his fingertips
As the thorns tear his palms
To shreds

He is dying in a way that
Can only be described
As living

Tears flow down their cheeks
As they reach for help
From anyone

Someone

Please


The mess I have been thrown into
Is impossible to escape

A train wreck of burning garbage
a bed of nails that i have been
carelessly thrown onto
And everything else that hurts

And no one thought
To tell me
That my grandpa
Was dying

she showed up at my doorstep last night.
crying.

granted, she was higher than a kite and
only wanted to give me money.

but then she told me he wasnt doing too well.

and that he missed me.

and that she was "hurt"by my actions.

and everything
came
crashing
down

Hips crash, breaking waves to shudder flesh. In this moment we are each other.
Linked limbs give way to locked eyes as passions kiss moves south.
Hand clasped sheets ripple at the shores of our abandon while all time stops and stretches cat-like across our waking.
We are one and all together.
A cry splits the darkness, ragged breaths tear from swelling chests as finally sleep masters all.

the moon and I both
go through phases

my light wanes and waxes
just like hers does

when my light is full,
boy,
I'm giddy with how much I love you

but when my light is small,
I'm so cold,
enveloped by the shadows

I'm sorry for my cold spells
I hope you know
those phases have nothing to do with you

but just like the moon has the sun
I have you

your light illuminates the world
which illuminates me

you light me up

I believed
Everything you told me
And
You let me

a limp body
carried in broken arms
to a funeral pyre
hidden in the woods

tinder, salt-saturated
won't catch
drowning in the perception
of failure

life flows out
and seeps in
healing in unfettered
emotion

exhaustion bleeds thought
cracks fuse invisibly strong
still feeling both less
yet more, somehow

pyre lays unlit
as the heart dreams ablaze
in lost memories
of a life not yet lived

one without the other
cannot exhale
breathing in all the nothing
looking for the only thing

not knowing what or where
but the when is now
as wood sits on the ashes
of what came before

in the jolt of drowning
on overflowed tears
it flows out of each
and into the other

cracks fade
accidental truth is never an accident
too tired to continue
it was found where it lay sleeping

patient and blind
sprouts into the best
of unseen possibilities
the day you carried me in silence