I’m not supposed to want you;
I’m not supposed to care,
And yet I spend my time dreaming of all that we could share.

Im not supposed to think about you or wonder where you have been,
But no matter how I fight it,
Thoughts of you sneak in.

I’m not supposed to pounder where you are each night,
But yet you creep into my vision when the stars shine bright.

I’m not supposed to yearn so,
Always wishing you were here.
But I hunger for your kisses,
An I long to draw you near.

I’m not supposed to imagine where you are or what you do.
I know I shouldn’t cater to a single thought of you.

I’m not supposed to need you.
I know these things.
I do.
But yet I can’t help myself,
because I fell in love with you.

Hush little baby
Don't you cry
Don't cut your arms
Don't say goodbye
Put down that razor
Put down that knife
It may be hard
But you'll win this fight

Strong but then weak
Happy but then sad
Sometimes feeling hopeful
Always dreading in bad
Scared and uncertain
Where will it end?

I always knew who I really was, no one else did.
I remember my first experience, I was five.
Innocent and pure.
I had to make sure.
After that it was always different.
I know I was different.
But that person was nonexistent.
That person was considered not right.
I was taught that was a sin.
So I held it all in.
I was confused that if this was who I was then why
was it so wrong?
Did I just have to lie and play along?
Was there something wrong with me?
Was there a cure?
I was lost and had no where to turn.
The hurt inside was left to burn.
I had to lie and be deceitful to the people I loved.
But I was afraid what would happen when push came
to shove.
I wanted to badly be who I really am and love
who I wanted to love.
But in this judgmental world I was scared of all of the
Down below.
Was my family going to disown me?
Was I going to be alone?
Would my friends be accepting?
Would I be able to hold my own?
All of the unknown tore at my insides.
Would I be able to leave all of that behind???????
What about the rest of the world?
How would they handle what was about to unfurl.

This poem go's out to my mom!

  your hands held me gently from the day i took my first breath.
your hands helped to guide me as i took my first step.
your hands held me close  when the tears would start to fall.
your  hands were there to brush my hair.
  your hands were often there to comfort my wounds when ever i fell off my bike.
your hands are now twisting with age and years of work.
your hands now need my gentle touch to rub away the hurt.
  your hands are more beautiful than anything can be.
  your hands are the reason im me.

This poem is dedicated to my homie!

The friendship we have is so rare to find,
we hate to see each other in a bind.
We make each other laugh so hard i cry,
we feel each others pain if we are hurt inside.
We always can find the right words to say,
to help us get through any dreadful day.
We have told our darkest secrets,
while feeling no shame,
we will tell each other the truth even if we are to blame.
Thinking of you not being here makes me feel so sad,
we will have to look back on our crazy memories to make us glad.
The miles between us cant keep us apart,
because we will keep each other close at heart.

This poem is dedicated to my brother!
Jesus.Beltran


I love you and I wish you were home,
It hurts me to think you're so alone.
Its not the same without you here,

I remember when we were little and we played in the yard,
then we'd go sit inside and watch TV.
You'd look at me and smile,
your smile used to stretch a mile.
When I had a bad day you were the only one who could make me laugh,
its like you were my other half.
It hurts me to see what your going through,
it hurts even more because there's nothing I can do.
I just wish I could make it all OK,
but all I can do is pray.
Sometimes its like you're still here,
I look at the door and wait for you to appear.
Then I realize you're not home,
and I go back to feeling so alone.
I love you so much you just don't know,
no matter what you'll always be my little bro.