Every single night for weeks now.
I've cried my eyes out.
While mentally or physically screaming.
I can literally feel how shattered my heart is.
You would think I'd be starting to get better.
But as it gets worse I only get better at hiding it.
All that has happened has shattered me.
And I just want you to hold me till all the pieces go back together

Everywhere I turn
Everything I see
Every word I hear
Every touch I feel
No matter what I do
It all leads back to memories of you

You can smile and laugh
You can have fun with friends
Have good and even great days
But nobody will know how truly happy you are
Unless they're there every night as you cry yourself to sleep

I wish I could forget this feeling I have permanently engraved in my brain. But unfortunately I don't think it's ever going to go away. I just wish it would begin to fade. I'm so tired of always having to fight to be okay.

So much has happened.
I'm slowly starting to lose my mind.
My heart is shattered.
I don't feel depressed
Pessimistic
******
Mad
Sad
Or anything like that.
I feel dead
I feel gone.
I'm not lost anymore.
I know who I am.
But I'm gone.
I'm 1000 miles from everything I care about.
I have nothing to try for currently.
It takes all my energy to wake up.
Or eat.
Or just speak!
Ive lost everything for now.
And I'm tired of fighting to get it all back.
Over and over again.
I just want to go home...
Before I completely die inside

I have so much worry coursing through me.
Worry on how you'll react if it's true.
Worry on how the situation will play out.
Worry on how to tell you if its true.
Especially since you aren't talking to me currently.
And the last thing I want to do is impact your decisions with this.
So tell me how do I handle this.
How do I handle it if it is true.

How do you go from I love you's
To being just friends again