Somedays I'm happy.
Some days I'm not.
Some days I smile with that light in my eyes.
Others I spend it crying my eyes out.
But either or...
I've come so far because,.
I never use to smile or cry.
I use to be a shell.
So yes, some days all I want to do is die.
But that's okay.
Because some days I still smile.

I'd rather have you **** me now
Than the torture of life mentally break me down.
So deeply broken.
I would rather just disappear

All I had last night were nightmares
Every time I close my eyes I want to scream.
I see cars crashing.
Guns firing.
People running, screaming, and fighting.
A continuous blur of my many dreams last night.
But most of all I see the worst nightmare out of them all.
You leaving.
You leaving me, and I knowing you're not coming back.
And even though I know none of this will ever come true.
Every time I close my eyes today...
It's all I can see.

Everytime you leave my side it feels as though I am dying inside

I made it.
I did it.
I'm so proud.
So happy.
So at peace in this moment
Because I did it.
I made it a year sober.
I made it over a year sober.
I never want to go back!
D.O.S 12/9/13 <3

It's been a few days shy of a year sober.
Yet I'm dying right now to feel that burn on my throat.
It's been a month shy of a year clean.
Yet I'm dying to feel that blade slicing my skin.
It's almost been a year.
And what an amazing and happy year it's been.
Yet right now...
I can't see it.
I feel numb.
And I don't care about any of it.
I just want everything to disappear.
Because if you won't let me be with the love of my life.
If you are going to take me away from him yet again.
I don't want to feel anything.
Not unless he's there with me.

I feel broken again.
I'm crashing and crashing...
And I can't stop.
I have people who love and care about me.
Yet, I always feel alone.
Like I have no one to listen.
To hold me as I cry.
I'm just stuck by myself.
As my brain corrupts.
And my heart feels cracked.
I just pray to make it through.
Pray to not break all the way.
That some how...
I will get through!
And I won't feel as broken.
As crushed.
As I do right now