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Homeless
Transient
Bestow



Mousse
Height
Do



Inhaling nicotine
Surgeon General
A grey death
Buds new life cool breeze
Scent of fresh rain on walk
Pungent first mown grass



The wisp of a cloud
Purple and pink in blue sky
Slowly moves turns grey




****** snow pure
Glistening in white sunlight
Forming snow angels
Buds new life cool breeze
Scent of fresh rain on walk
Pungent first mown grass



The wisp of a cloud
Purple and pink in blue sky
Slowly moves turns grey




****** snow pure
Glistening in white sunlight
Forming snow angels
Rolling hemp
Legalized
Sweet Jesus



Wheelchair bound
Brave heart
Deems respect



Grinding brown beans
Aroma wafts
Favorite mug



Burritos
Frijoles
Flatulence
Icicle grips above
Dew condensing down gently
Chrystaline tear drop



Hummingbirds swift wings
Relishing nectar in flight
A blink and it's gone



A breeze lifts it loose
The frond spirals to earth
Crunching underfoot



Spins her web tidy
Plus hour glass she's mighty
Steer clear this spidy
To discover human remains
Cinched to the rafters
he leapt off
Adorned in the noose
a morbid necklace
Inner turmoil no more to live

A note deserted in drunken scrawl
In shreds
those left behind
Fatherless innocents
inquire why
No rationalization
for a senseless deed

Aching at the formalities
Enduring our shared existence
Bye is the lifetime
that remains in the past
Dried up are all the tears
Angst with respect to an echo
Horror lays imprinted on my mind
Forever gone
A fresh wound is my heart
A dark void is my soul
To love completely minus control
An abrupt ending to a cherished role

A fresh wound is my heart
Emptiness of all space
To caress kiss an angelic face
Withheld from my grasp every last trace

A fresh wound is my heart
With the absence of care
I'm needing missing wanting to share
Without touch sound and sight you aren't there

A fresh wound is my heart
To just have and to hold
Return of love gone precious as gold
Once warmth of my spirit hardened cold

A fresh wound is my heart
Ever the tiniest thing
Tears loss and pain such sadness they bring
Reminds me of loves genuine being

A fresh wound is my heart
You are off on your own
Miss you immensely feel all alone
Bleak nothingness and vacancy have grown

A fresh wound is my soul
I want you back with me
I offered you up it will never be
Love your face in my dreams....you and me
Mental disability what an epigram, it bounds on burried complexity
Titter inside hysterical effectuation
Feeling electrical currents misfiring in my cerebellum
Screaming unremebered prayers in my night terrors at the devils fornication
Remaining in my presence, anticipating my sleep
***** to reverse the dementia
Waking day dreams, lost in unreality
Descry vociferation calling my name
Wanting to claw my etes out against nebulous shadows creeping behind
Wanting a medium to banih apparitions from my space
Paranoid of all establishment
While securing eye contact with others, they could decipher all my thoughts
With binoculars neighbors surveil
Me camouflaged with drawn shades and pale skin
To go outside summoned all my demons
Wanting to battle, rage war to fulfill some morbid desire
Annihilating hordes in my dreams by any means
***** to reverse the madness
OCD for a little control
A million times repeated thoughts flashing in my eyes
Confusion! What day is it? Am I doing something wrong?
Not glancing in mirrors hiding from myself Garbled guttural utterances in my left ear
Hot breath on my neck
Bawling at flexibility and spontaneity
Not in my scheme for the coming confusing hours
Wanting to pull my skull off exposing the insanity
Just wanted it to STOP!!
***** to reverse the derangement
Limbs not answering brain waves crisscrossed as they dwell
On a daily basis surviving hell
On a nightly basis in true hell
Needing to shriek and explode
Afraid to sleep, walking in exhausted dreams
Broken pains in my bones
No peace day or night
My medication saved my life
I penned this down about my Schizoaffective disorder. I dealt with delusions too lengthy to add to this script. Lived this way for twenty long years. It was difficult to relive and put into words, my sickness. There is no rhyme or reason. It's just what it was.....
The loss hopelessness numbness great fear and pain
Cycle spins on to self abuse
The dire inner turmoil struggling to stay sane
Same attitude reactions confuse
Frustration irritation as fact remain
Duplicate thoughts destined to lose

If patterns in thinking unlikely to change
Reel round and round without much hope
Face this suspicion begin to rearrange
Release the disease ditch the rope
Erasing self hatred may at first be strange
Initiate to learn and cope

When under and used up good overcomes bad
Pros and cons you will find your way
Behind is past not dwelling on what you had
Future holds you are here to stay
The present is just that no matter how sad
Learned behavior... Live day to day
Sasquatch stalking woods
Glimpsed never ensnared

Homonids beauty of elusiveness
Ancestral biped prints

Folklore, hoax , unhindered
ages devoid evidence

Bristly forest devil
Conclusively confirmed
ancient Polar Bear
Polka Dot, Polka Dot, a one pony show
Strange name for a child, but she loves it so
Cheerful wee girl with sweet smile aglow
Adores all round shapes, expects you to know

Her twenty one garments sport assorted dots
Basic eight pairs of footwear, orange and green spots
Gaudy bows for her hair, with colored rings, lots
Dot sees spheres imbedded in her eyes and thoughts

Blankets and curtains, guess what, dots and lace
The spotted mouse toy for the cat to chase
Walls with orbs and specks on all space
In the right light they reflect on your face

Dot's off to school with a polka dot hat
Coat, umbrella with circles, imagine that
Polka dotted notebooks, pencils and backpack
Rides pink spotted two wheeler, parks in bike rack

Poor Polka Dot started feeling sickly ill
Sent to school nurse where she refused a pill
Saw the Doc, calamine lotion and advice to chill
Spots! Chickenpox! Polka Dots notable thrill
breathtaking brilliance
falls encompassing beauty
eyes downloading realm
hot relenting days
transforms cooler evening
fronds alteration


sleepy rising sun
chill cloudless breeziness
leaflet spirals down


quiescent fridgedness
bare armed branch depleted
foliage beneath flakes
hot relenting days
transforms cooler evening
fronds alteration


sleepy rising sun
chill cloudless breeziness
leaflet spirals down


quiescent fridgedness
bare armed branch depleted
foliage beneath flakes
Pine treed mountains
mid winters grip
Frigid blast
blankets all

Victuals scarcity,
wildlife hungers
Wolves scavenge
aimlessly

Eerie silence settles,
storm passed
Quiescent solitude
seemingly abandoned

Vicious temps split
frozen tree bark
Sounds, sudden
percussion
Hair is for stroking with kindness
Forehead, caring and testing in sickness

Eyes, gazing into your lovers soul
Nose, discerning your loved ones scent

Lips, kissing and whispering shared secrets
Chin for lifting yourself up proud

Neck, nuzzling safe and secure
Shoulders, to massage and relieve stress

Arms, uplifting and hugging tight
Hands, holding and feeling your way

Chest, protecting and encompassing heart
Stomach, for butterflies with a new love

*****, pleasure and carrying on our kind
Legs, balance and running free

Feet for leading the way
Stress the silent killer
Strapped for cash it always seems
Unpaid notice from biller
Repossessed, foreclosed and liens

Days of paranoid waking
Job, your kids, the homestead- health
Don't realize why you're quaking
Balancing act takes real stealth

The bill collectors calling
Day and night relentless rings
Repetitive thoughts, stalling
Heart palpitations it brings

Running wild are kids and wife
Brats- no control, spouse spending
To what do I owe this life?
For certain nightmares pending

I have a job, work all day
But look where it has got me..
Bust my **** for little pay
I'm trying, can not you see?

Take the car, shut off the lights
No water to shower there
Toll of stress will reach new heights
The level beyond repair

This whole **** world need a change
Added stress we just can't bear
To the docs if you don't rearrange




Government *****, said it.....there
Stress the silent killer
Strapped for cash it always seems
Unpaid notice from biller
Repossessed, foreclosed and liens

Days of paranoid waking
Job, your kids, the homestead- health
Don't realize why you're quaking
Balancing act takes real stealth

The bill collectors calling
Day and night relentless rings
Repetitive thoughts, stalling
Heart palpitations it brings

Running wild are kids and wife
Brats- no control, spouse spending
To what do I owe this life?
For certain nightmares pending

I have a job, work all day
But look where it has got me..
Bust my **** for little pay
I'm trying, can not you see?

Take the car, shut off the lights
No water to shower there
Toll of stress will reach new heights
The level beyond repair

This whole **** world needs a change
Added stress we just can't bear
To the docs if you don't rearrange
Government *****, said it.....there
Stress the silent killer
Strapped for cash it always seems
Unpaid notice from biller
Repossessed, foreclosed and liens

Days of paranoid waking
Job, your kids, the homestead- health
Don't realize why you're quaking
Balancing act takes real stealth

The bill collectors calling
Day and night relentless rings
Repetitive thoughts, stalling
Heart palpitations it brings

Running wild are kids and wife
Brats- no control, spouse spending
To what do I owe this life?
For certain nightmares pending

I have a job, work all day
But look where it has got me..
Bust my **** for little pay
I'm trying, can not you see?

Take the car, shut off the lights
No water to shower there
Toll of stress ill reach new heights
The level beyond repair

This whole **** world need a change
Added stress we just can't bear
To the docs if you don't rearrange




Government *****, said it.....there
overgrown pond hides
ferns swaying refreshing breeze
young boys jump off dock
A congenial aura
elated trekking
Intoning treasured verse
attention beckoning
Diligence provided
continual checking

Confirming with gauges
complying with code
Merged flawlessly towards
turnpike- cautious mode
Along breezed a rig
with a copious load

Heedless of rush hour
he rumbled on by
Remained in his route
to switch didn't try
Hurled on the brakes
swerved- she let out a cry

The fish tail and slide
left black in its track
Furled over in excess
too dazed for fact
Copper tang on lips
beginning to act

Sinew taut
cerebral flailing
Knuckles clenched
composure failing
Ticker raging
pent up wailing

Red and blue strobes
redundant sound
Screeching and wrenching
the pros abound
Flame vaulting acrid scent
soot around

One outstretched mitt
cloudy hood right behind
Echoing directives
"you will be fine"
Such screaming
not even sure if it's mine

Hours? Minutes?
seconds ticking away
WHOOOMF!!!
explosion that seized it today
Claimed these lives
on the earth they did lay

What's happening?
ascending brilliant light
Are eyes sealed exposed
perceiving what's right?
Sense soaring heavenward
a tranquil flight

Radiance entices
no need to resist
While buoyant wafting
in a cool opaque mist
At last home free
beseeching those that I missed
Brushed against His Grace
her brows lightly been kissed
metamorphosis
of supernatural means
trick or treating tads
Walk in circles
Run in squares
Skip in zig zags
Jump up stairs

Step over cracks
Walk backwards
Splash in puddles
Balance on curbs

No need to talk
Just like walks
Like to kick rocks
Off with my socks

Toes sparkle
Feet are so cold
Crunch of leaves
In no ones mold

Being free, young
What I want I'll do
No chains on me
You should try it too
unhurried leg thrusts
translucent effervescence
jagged cutting reef
What happened to me in my life
What I have allowed to be forced on me
Silenced my emotional growth
I speak of abuse
Physical verbal spiritual
In time I quit feeling
Was emotionally dead

Denied acceptance love hope
Caused anxiety despair and inner death
Welcomed loneliness to close the door on unbelievable pain
Cursed the world that seemed beyond my grasp

Alienated myself to the point of becoming uncomfortable in my own scarred skin
Being repeatedly told I was worthless made me someone other than myself
I was in a world full of others but did not exist

Peoples joys brought me tears
Joys I found were sorrowful
The birth of my babies into this lonely world
How could I love and protect them
I didn't love and protect myself
My cries went unnoticed
Confirming what I knew
I no longer mattered
The loneliness was agonizing
Some shell of me was left behind to be ridiculed and abused

Detached further from the world
Wept only in my dreams where my mind and body were safe
No way to escape- no one to turn to
After years I turned to God
With much bravery and spiritual strength I moved on

I am alone
You are alone
We are alone together
I am alive unique
I deserve to live- give and receive love
I love you my child
I don't know how to help you
You continue to die your slow death
It's painful us both
To watch you killing yourself
To see you so all alone
To know you're living with demons
I curse the devil and his minions

I love you my child
To witness you convincing yourself
to give up and die
It kills me inside

I love you my child
I've always loved you and always will
I don't feel you are long for this earth
The deterioration has accelerated
The doctors give you one short year
I cry for the hurt in your heart
I cry for the torture in your soul
I cry because you think I don't love you

I love you my child
Don't give up and die
I ache at the idea of living without you
Please see a glimpse of the light
in my soul
Let it guide you to peace
I can't watch anymore
I can't see you do this to yourself

I love you my child
Don't die my sweet little girl
Don't leave me behind
Let's love eachother for the time
you have left
I love you more than mere words express
I love you more than my own life
Don't cry little one, for I am here
This poem is tied into " The Woman On The Corner". This is what I read to her in her hospital bed.
I love you my child
I don't know how to help you anymore
You continue to die your slow death
It's painful for us both
To watch you killing yourself with no way to stop
To see you so all alone
Living your life from hell
Watching you living with demons
I curse the devil and his minions
To watch you convice yourself to give up and die
It kills me inside
I love you child
I've always loved you and always will
I don't think you're long for this earth
The slow mental and physical deterioration
has accelerated
The doctors give you one short year
I cry for the hurt in your heart
I cry for the torture in your soul
I cry for the pain in your unhealthy body
I cry because you think I don't love you
Don't give up and die my little one
I physically ache for loving and losing you
Living a life I would never have chosen for you
I love you my child
Please see a glimpse of the light in my soul
Let it guide you to peace
Non reversible is your disease
I'm tormented with the fear of losing you
I can't watch anymore
I can't see you do this to yourself
Don't die my sweet little girl
Don't leave me behind
My love for you is insurmountable
Your love for yourself is long gone
Let's love eachother for the time you have left
I love you more than theses mere words express
I love you more than my own life
Don't cry little one for I am here
On a Lilly pad a frog sat alone
He jumped in the water, a splash he'd known
Frog swam and swam until he met his pal
On another Lilly pad sat crazy Hal

Hal had ideas, the frog wasn't sure
His plans were not always completely pure
Frog followed Hal thru the grassy quagmire
They'd gone fairly far, Frog began to tire

It started to sprinkle very large drops
The two hid in the marsh with a few hops
Hal whispered his plan in Frogs little ear
To Scare Miss Lady it became very clear


Miss Lady was such a beautiful gal
She really liked Frog, but not ornery Hal
She, always waiting for some sneaky prank
Tired of their shenanigans to be quite frank

Miss Lady was planning to turn the table
Prank those two, she was perfectly able
She sat up her scheme in the mossy bog
When here came that Hal, followed by Frog
Miss lady was on her favorite pad
She couldn't help but be a little mad
Miss Lady cried out, she needed a hand
She led them just inches from the quicksand

This little prank could have been quite a mess
Miss Lady scared them she had to confess
They quickly backed up in total surprise
The three agreed to end pranks and eat some flies
The excitement builds before the show
Appearance anticipated, let's go
Out comes 2llen with applause galore
Crowd won't quiet, stoked for what's in store

Must say Ellen is such a **** dude
Whoops, oh...she's a she, I'm extremely rude
Ellen dresses with such casual care
Not a piece out of line, her fancy hair

Ellen completely involves her crowd
The silly shenanigans make them loud
She dances to the music everywhere
Famous for her moves, she then heads for the chair

She straddles the table with practiced skill for her advanced age and without a pill
She moves on to a famous brilliant guest
Uncommon talent to bring out their best

Music for the show picked eloquently
Ellen and staff almost always agree
The gifts she gives, the audience adore
Generosity leaves them wanting more

Cute that her mom's at every taping
Even stays awake and keeps from gaping
Ellen is actually my favorite host
Please forgive me, this little roast

If  you're in the mood for a real good time
Tune to Ellen at three, on channel nine
You won't be disappointed, far from IT!
It's world wide known that Ellen's the "****"
piles of leaves crisp air
the sight of Aspens turning
roads choked off by flood
Summers heat exhausting
Earlier sunset cooling

Chill nights blanketing beds
Lazy sun rising, colorful
Cool, cloudless, breezy daylight

Scholarly studies, another year
Garments warming, gone shorts, T's
Choice daily temps arrive

Leaves cascading, pure beauty
Birds make flight, winter looming
Excited trek, Aspens glory

Basking in falls perfection
Raining winds, beginning flakes
Everyone prepares for change
Bow our heads, winters onslaught
I've committed an act so grievously wrong
Worst mistake of my life, I don't belong
Am feeling so morbidly ashamed
My heart and soul are forever maimed
My unrelenting conscience nagged at me
I will never again be truly free

The worst part of all is the hurt she must feel
Pain, indignation, disbelief are all real
I took her love as something due me
Took it for granted so unwisely
I have lost the best part of me
To never return, can clearly see

I'm sorry is such a pitiful phrase
Shame, guilt, self hatred and malaise
I have an ache in my soul for trespassing
I am just heart sick, it's all encompassing

I will never allow MYSELF to forgive
Not sure with theses feeling I can live
I cannot reverse the transgression
In my being I've embedded a lesson

Don't know what possessed me to break our bond
I plead for forgiveness, if she'll respond
I hope our love can withstand and is strong.
To forgive, not forget what she knew all along
freeborn mustang lopes
unchained throughout curtailed life
fur snared in barbed wire
Going to at last quit smoking
Just talked to the long winded Quitline
I'm tired of hacking and choking
Birthday, December third deadline

Going to use the well known patch
I was successful once before
No frustration searching for match
Or missing lighter anymore

Hairdo won't be smelly, clothes stink
My mouth tasting like an ashtray
It should be easier I think
Cause I truly want it this way

Shocked, first time was simple for me
It lasted for over a year
Relapsed as you can plainly see
I'll do it again, will adhere

Apparent wrinkles will thank me
Blackened, struggling lungs will too
Patches are delivered for free
Like ads, I don't want to be blue

Added cost of smoking is steep
Now almost six dollars a pack
My jeans empty pockets run deep
I'll save money, quite a stack

There are certain times I'll miss it
After ***, with morning coffee
Plus, I will be healthier, ****
Try it, it's completely free

(1-800-784-8669)
Grasping vagrancy in one's child
Most simplistic act is not
Fractured maternal heart bleeds wild
Suffered soul the abyss caught
Crucible ever prevails fraught

Futile remedy ailment breeds
Posturing all heedless things
Neglecting primal earthly needs
Harsh inebriant trappings
Averse entirely lucid pleads

Clamping malady straining chest
Wakeful blackness vanished days
Clutched slight suckling babe at my breast
Cast tears enduring malaise
Reflection of having caressed

Tragic sustinence chosen vile
Sighted resolves not to see
Relentless self imposed exile
Indifferent to love me
Offer life to capture a smile

Grasping vagrancy in one's child
Cognizant of special spot
An alternative to beguiled
Alter processes of thought
I am needing to know she fought
Bloom cherry blossoms
To always reveal the truth
Chopping down the tree
Heavenly to kiss
Parted rosy colored pair
Whispering your truths
Uplifted from earth
Patiently warming to beget
Nestled in crossed twigs
Guardians sow seeds, some few
While they influence and mold
Rain- love wisdom and view
The bud begins to unfold

Anchored firmly in the ground

Small brain sponges up the dew
Retaining complex hold
Directions to aspire to
The blossoming to behold

Sweetened tad above the mound

Teenage thorns, the stem comes thru
Refusing to be controlled
In full bloom, defiant hue
Crippled petals start to fold

Yielding blossoms can't be found

With age, time....the plant will renew
Reblooming with praise untold
Soaking in lights grace on cue
The legends of thorns retold

Sower and seed forever bound
Guardians sow seeds, some few
While they influence and mold
Rain- love wisdom and view
The bud begins to unfold

Anchored firmly in the ground

Small brain sponges up the dew
Retaining complex hold
Directions to aspire to
The blossoming to behold

Sweetened tad above the mound

Teenage thorns, the stem comes thru
Refusing to be controlled
In full bloom, defiant hue
Crippled petals start to fold

Yielding blossoms can't be found

With age, time....the plant will renew
Reblooming with praise untold
Soaking in lights grace on cue
The legends of thorns retold

Sower and seed forever bound
Rainy day people and frogs
Packed New York streets, mossy bogs
Umbrella or bumbershoot
In quagmire and crowded route
Splashing masses, polliwogs

Precipitation, cascade
The alley or everglade
Plebeians and ***** toads
Wetlands, winding back roads
Holding brolly or sunshade

Mobs, croaker in the wallow
Soggy marsh, bypass below
A sprinkle, pitter-patter
Parasol, doesn't matter
Your bullfrog and average Joe
Sitting on a swinging porch bench
Sipping slightly sweetened ice tea
Sunshine massaging my wrinkled face

Scenting fresh earth and leaves at my feet
Sounds of traffic absent
Sassy racket of resident Blue Jays

Spying clear majestic Rocky Mountains
Separated by half bare multicolored trees
Sky clear blue with wispy clouds

Sitting forever with no cares
Shutting out the bustling world
Soaking in Autumns wondrous glory
1pck. pre- cooked lasagna noodles
2 jars spaghetti sauce w/ onion&garlic;
17 oz. Ricotta cheese
1 t. sweet basil
1 t. oregano
1 egg
1 lb.ground, browned Italian sausage
3 cups mozzarella
1 cup grated parmesian

Preheat oven(with some innocent play)
Mix:
Ricotta(to add some excitement)
Basil and oregano(to spice it up)
Mix in beaten egg(to add stability)

Use ungreased 8x10 pan(to hold the comfort of it all)

Layer:
1 cup sauce(to swap a sweetened kiss)
Even out1/4 sausage(to add some spontaneity)
Place pasta in row(to layer with anticipation)
Spread ricotta(mixed with the above)
Sprinkle 1/4 mozzarella( to stretch the imagination)
Repeat steps 1-5(until pan is full of emotion)
Parmesian on top( to please)

Bake 1 hour at 350•( to heat up the love)
Cool 45 minutes( to lay in each others arms)
To love another human
As much as you love your life
Not an acquaintance, husband, kid, co-worker or wife
Your friend

No matter the length of time
since you've seen them
The feelings are there just
like they always have been

When you laugh, cry, gossip
And you know you do
Your love expressed for
eachother remaining true

When all of your heart and soul
are exposed to just one
A best friend treats this
with gentle protection

No more fulfilling relationship
on earth
It should be full of heartfelt
caring and mirth

Good friendships start, last
but sometimes seem like they end
You open your heart and
reveal yourself to mend

With the ups and downs
of any affair
A truly loving friend
Will always be there
When my anxiety is extreme I feel
That nothing around or inside me is real
I need to hide myself, to isolate
Feeling of dread and doom, can't seem to think straight

I curse myself for feeling this ****** up way
Live in unreality like a dream, or play
Fingers don't work, have a quiver of my lip
Nervous smile, not wanting this unchosen
script

Don't know what to do...sit, stand, pace or run
Don't want to be looked at, talked to by anyone
Sane, daily things take extra concentration
I try to do them with no coordination

Deprived of social skills, get tongue tied, can't speak
Building discomfort, terror panic will peak
Then it begins- palms sweat, heart rate rises
Worry about all, nothing, no surprises

No longer capable of eating, I'd choke
Get nauseous, the runs, to my body no joke In acute cases toes stiffen, my bones ache
Losing much control, damaged brain waves fake

Avoid going out to a bank or a store
Anywhere there's cameras, prying some more
Always makes me feel like I'm doing wrong
Paranoia, bottom line..I don't belong
See her bright smile in the morning light
Make breakfast and small talk
Laugh with her at the silliest things
Much happiness it brings

To give her a bath and watch her swim
Get out all fresh and clean
Combing her hair styled in a braid
Cutest girl God ever made

Hold her and cuddle the feeling true
Share pictures on my phone
Just taking her little hand in mine
The world just seemed so fine

Baking cookies with a lot of help
She'll even fold the clothes
Watching Walt Disney while laying down
Real happiness I'd found

Then she quickly was gone from my life
Just went without a trace
Deep love and trust in her eyes of brown
Right now nowhere around

No more gazing as she soundly sleeps
No angel with sweet breath
On her abandoned coat the tears I've shed
Inside I now feel dead

I'm missing drying her heart felt tears
I miss her more each day
The smell of her I do love to inhale
Her pillow just smells stale

My angel is gone with others now
She is so far away
Cannot see her sleepy smile at night
I will pray til mornings light
If you leave me ill truly be through
I'm teetering on the edge it's true
I have suffered great loss, as of late
Can't survive more torture or hate

I have hurt you beyond any repaIr
Deceit, half truths, you feel I don't care
Honesty is important to you
I was scared and knew not what to do

Please don't go with an untrusting soul
I would be lost in this world with no role
I've never trusted a man until you
It's breaking my shattered heart in two

You are such a kind, fair, loving man
Treat me like gold whenever you can
I always come first, when its tough on you
I don't treat you the same, I see that too

You think I'm using you, a free ride
So far from the truth, I need you to guide
Until you, I haven't loved a man
Abuse thwarted me, I don't know if I can

Talk about baggage I own it in scores
Don't give up now, salt in open sores
Give me a chance to absorb your love
Ill open my heart and trust God above
Watching TV, out of the corner of my eye
From under the table a huge spider I did spy
I looked at him and he stared directly back at me
My heart beat fast, coming towards me I could see

I really screeched and quickly jumped off of the chair
He was gaining fast, his legs spiked with hair
The horror I felt as I started now to run
I zig-zagged, he zig -zagged...increasingly not fun

I circled down the hall, he turned the corner too
Screaming as I dashed, I looked back and swear he grew
Hid myself by the fridge my heart now in my throat
Cried for my dad, he got up, put down the remote

Pop wondered what the fuss was, came to my rescue
I had held my breath 'til I started turning blue
When the spider saw my daddy he stopped and froze
Arachnid looked him up and down, knows how it goes

Spidy seemed confused, settled to run for the door
My dad, his big boots, bravely squished him on the floor
Mommy came into the kitchen, her eyes opened wide
Calmed my nerves, cleaned the mess, gross I must confide
My love is so deep it hurts my soul
Being without someone loved
is true pain
The heaviness squeezes on my chest
like a tightening band
My body and mind numbed with desire
to see that face again
Rather than relinquish this love
i would give a limb
Peace should come from prayer
The void left inside is too deep to fill
I've tried and miserably failed
At my own discontent I often scoff
But the feelings are here each day
I will never forget
and pray pain subsides with time
Snow pack dissolves, shrinking icecaps
Trickles, connects with succinct spring
Runs down frigid, joins brook
Babbling, descends to stream

Meanders past meadow land
With butterfly ****, rippling grasses
Flows through tributary into river
Enters the rocky canyon

Cliffs high as cotton clouds
Jagged, angular, shadowed sunlight
Chilly air rising off splashing rocks
Echoes of rushing, rumbling

Fresh scent of Blue Spruce, sappy pine cones
Churning white water, mile long
Cutting rocky gorge

Raging river travels with purpose reverberates around bend
Water falls towards paradise
Pummels hard to form pool

Surrounded by grassy fronds of Deerhair bulrush, Hydrangea, Lady Rue and Button Bush trees
         My secret sanctuary
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