Bellis Tart: Poems

257 · Oct 2010

Bellis Tart Oct 2010

I've become someone I no longer recognize,
whose actions couldn't possibly be mine.
I've said things I'd never thought I'd say,
to people I was too scared to tell.
I've allowed the mistreatment of a kind heart,
while trying to rationalize it to myself.
I've heard things that were never spoken,
and allowed it to push me farther.
I've crossed lines I would have never thought to,
blindfolded to avoid my principles.
I've had pain and sorrow and heartache,
for no reason at all.

(c) 26/05/09- From Feeling the Painting

248 · Oct 2010

uninvited

Bellis Tart Oct 2010

uninvited

your propositional jokes,
that sly, pompous grin,
your 'just right' five oclock shadow
your oh so touchable skin!
my 'perfectly gorgeous' face
and 'just low enough' cut top
you know it's wrong to ask,
cause you know I wouldn't stop
the dimly lit lights,
the cold winter night,
the way your hand touches my skin,
how everything instantly seems right
the time spent missing your touch,
the lonely, thought filled sleep,
the morning, so awkward, like always,
the secret i'd now have to keep
and still i know that im in too deep
silly, how i want you for keeps

(c) 27/01/10- From Feeling the Painting

235 · Oct 2010

Daddy

Bellis Tart Oct 2010

Daddy

you were supposed to tie my shoes,
then teach me to do the same.
you should have been the one I told,
all my dreams of fortune and fame.
you were the person I should have been able to trust,
with my dearest, most precious part,
yet you were never there for me,
you dropped and trampled my heart.

you were the one who's supposed to tell me,
that no man will ever be good enough.
you were the one who was supposed to protect me,
and help me through all this hard stuff.
you are the one who should have kept me,
to one day give me away.
you are the one who has now taught me,
no man shall ever stay.

though I wish you'd been around more,
I now see it's just not you're thing.
acting the role of father has always,
been second to your role as king.
your life has always been number one,
though I wish you'd been here for me,
you were supposed to be my father,
'cause Daddy that's how it's supposed to be.

(c) 24/06/09- From Feeling the Painting

230 · Oct 2010

a nightmare come true

Bellis Tart Oct 2010

a nightmare come true

I still remember the morning I lost you

And I lost a part of me too

The sun seemed overly bright that day

Then the words came,

he’s gone....away

Far, away

And then all the people showed up

With trays and bags, and boxes of food

To stuff your face, and fill your mouth

To keep your questions off the table,

away from conversation

like how great he was,

How he’d always be missed,

How much he was loved.

They say their sorry and then going on their way

Cause for them tomorrow this is just yesterday

So they hide their guilty eyes, with bowed heads and tears

While i sit here, sinking, drowning, living my worst fears!

(c) 09/10/09
BC you are missed more than you could know!!- From Feeling the Painting

217 · Oct 2010

Without you..

Bellis Tart Oct 2010

Without you..

I miss you more than you know.
You don't know how much of me it takes, to hide it deep down low.
I can't breathe.

There's no sunshine in my days.
Only hurricanes, rain, and fits of rage.
I can't breathe.

I've become a master, at this charade.
Had I not, I don't think I'd make it through the day.
I can't breathe.

I still look for you, in those passing by.
When it's not, inside I start to cry.
I can't breathe.

It still hurts, too much for me to say.
It's never ending, this pain won't go away.
I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

I can't breathe.

(c) 08/06/10- From Feeling the Painting

170 · Oct 2010

our story

Bellis Tart Oct 2010

our story

I crawled into your bed,
with a buzz in my head,
and a hunger, unfed.

I stretch myself across you,
the same way I always do,
not knowing if you wanted me to.

I always felt so in awe,
that you stared, but never saw,
your detachment left me raw.

Those days so long ago,
the hot summer, and cold snow,
the feelings I couldn't show.

My mind, that strings me along,
like a tragic, happily ended song,
boy, I couldn't have been more wrong.

Today things aren't the same,
you beat me at your game,
now I loathe you, it's a shame.

So I crawl into my bed,
alone, cause you want her instead,
and with a hunger, still unfed.

(c) 29/10/10- From Feeling the Painting

137 · Oct 2010

my regretful thanks

Bellis Tart Oct 2010

my regretful thanks

thank you for teaching me
that with great joy, comes great sorrow,
  - for every ray of sun today,
    there'll be a drop of rain tomorrow.

thank you for showing me
that some men are simple, crude and basic,
  -  most of you only want one thing,
    and will do anything to obtain it.

thank you for helping me
build a stronger, tougher wall
  - you can't get out, or let others in
    and not expect it to fall.

thank you for not trying
you're the best example of the wrong man,
  - you could know just how I feel
    and still take me for all that you can.

(c) 22/10/10- From Feeling the Painting

— The End —