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Jul 2017 · 311
He heals. <3
Bella Kiilani Jul 2017
I used to think I was over you. Time had passed, you weren't on my mind all the time like before. I thought I had moved on, and I was proud of myself. But then I saw pictures of you with other girls and found out you had a girlfriend and the hurt started all over again. I felt that familiar pain in the pit of my stomach. The jealousy, anger and sadness all mixed together in a terrible stomach ache. It really ****** me up because I genuinely though I was over you. I mean time heals everything right? That's what I thought, but then I heard this talk on YouTube by an incredible girl that goes to schools to preach about Jesus. She said that "Time doesn't heal, Jesus does." And it hit me like a wave, I hadn't spent a second of my time praying to God about my problems, I didn't pray for a forgiving heart, or try to love my neighbor like I should have. So I decided that day to let Jesus heal me. I cast all my worries and pain to the side and asked Him to help me through the heartbreak. Let me tell you, Jesus is better then ice cream, alcohol, exercising, rebound guys, or any other way I usually try to attempt to recover from a heartbreak. Jesus heals. He takes your heart and He fills it. He fixes your brokenness, and pick you up when you're a mess of tears on the floor and tells you it will be ok. It was a long road to heal completely, but so worth the journey.  I learned that Jesus is the best medicine, the only cure, and the best remedy. No matter how broken, lost and discouraged you are, He will heal you.
Jun 2017 · 233
0
Bella Kiilani Jun 2017
0
All I can tell you Is love HURTS.
Jun 2017 · 440
1 year
Bella Kiilani Jun 2017
Happy ex-friend anniversary? That's terrible, and it shouldn't be a thing, but it is with us.  I'm sorry for being a ****** best friend. I'm sorry for not thinking about you and leading with my heart instead of my brain.  I tried to fix evything, but at some point it was too late. I miss you. I miss our conversations. I swear if you put us together we could talk for hours. I miss your laugh and your little slogans like "that's terrible," "he's got a sweet soul" "little punk." I miss watching the sunrise with you on my roof, and freezing our butts off on the dock behind your house when we'd go out to stargaze. We've gone one full turn around the sun without being friends. Time has passed, wounds have healed over, new friendships have been formed and things have changed. There's only one thing I hope for you now, and it's that you've found a way to forgive your resentment towards me. And that's not for me, I know we can't be friends again, but I want that for you. I know exactly what it's like to hate someone. Even the thought of them can put you in a bad mood, and seeing them can ruin your week. It's a terrible way to feel.  Hating someone gives them so much power over you, a power they don't deserve.  Not forgiving someone hurts you the most, so I hope that you've forgiven me. I know for a fact that there's no room in your heart for hate.   One of my favorite quotes from Tumblr is "Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace."  I hope you have found peace.
May 2017 · 307
Zones
Bella Kiilani May 2017
Where are you most comfortable?



My comfort zone is at my house, in my bed. It's a place that I've known for the past 10 years. It's where I've had countless sleepovers, and movie nights and late night chats with my friends.  In 3 months I'm leaving my comfort zone, and I'm moving to a new place. I'm excited and nervous.  Excited because something new is fun.  Nervous because my whole life is a comfort zone.  I've lived in the same place practically my whole life. I've had a crush on the same one guy my whole life. My main friends are people I've known since I was 4.  My whole life has been basically the same for a long as I can remember, and I love it like that.  I love my zone, and I don't know if I'll be ready to leave it all behind in T- 3 months.
May 2017 · 339
Ninety
Bella Kiilani May 2017
I want you to be happy, but is it wrong for me to wish that you were only 90% happy and not 100%? Maybe it's selfish, but I still want a part of you to be a little sad that I'm not yours. You missed out on me and all the great things we could have been. I really hope you're happy, just not comeplty.. sorry if that's selfish.
Apr 2017 · 225
&
Bella Kiilani Apr 2017
&
You can't have another piece of me.
You've taken too many already.
Mar 2017 · 244
Bella Kiilani Mar 2017
You are sherbet ice cream on a hot day.
Nov 2016 · 219
11|19|16
Bella Kiilani Nov 2016
You know you love someone when you wish you would have met them sooner.
Oct 2016 · 269
Fix you
Bella Kiilani Oct 2016
I just want to fix everything, but I know I can't.
It breaks my heart to know you're hurting.
Jul 2016 · 568
Best I ever Had
Bella Kiilani Jul 2016
I cry alone most of the time.
But, a few times I've cried in front of you.  
I've realized that the only time I let myself cry in front of someone, is when they can fix me.
It's like I can't let myself fall apart unless it's in front of someone that can piece me back together.
You were always able to fix me, you always knew exactly what to say, and exactly what to do.
But you're gone, and with you left any way of being fixed.
I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true.
You were my glue, my comfort, my best friend.
Jul 2016 · 311
Always you.
Bella Kiilani Jul 2016
The way you interrupt my thoughts when you aren't even in the room makes me think I'm still in love with you.
Jul 2016 · 1.0k
Don't forget me.
Bella Kiilani Jul 2016
You're gone now, holding another hand.
But, I hope you still think about me when you kiss her.
When you look into her brown eyes... for a second you wish they were green.
Jul 2016 · 184
Habits
Bella Kiilani Jul 2016
They say true love has a habit of coming back.
I believe it.
Jul 2016 · 272
9
Bella Kiilani Jul 2016
9
I swear, I didn't believe there was such a thing as cloud nine until I kissed you.
Jul 2016 · 992
Drunk
Bella Kiilani Jul 2016
Recently, my life has boiled down to, disappointment, drunk texts, and constantly crying in the car.
Jun 2016 · 191
True
Bella Kiilani Jun 2016
Always say what you feel, and feel what you say.
Jun 2016 · 2.3k
Oxygen
Bella Kiilani Jun 2016
I'm in love with you.
That's what she told him every night.
But she was so ******* blind.
Blinded by love, and blinded by a boy.

You can live up to three weeks without food, and a week without water, but without oxygen you can't make it past 5 minuets.
So, to show her devotion, to prove how true her love was, she made him her oxygen.
Every pulse of her heart she tied to him.
She didn't breath unless he said it was ok.
She only lived and fully experienced moments when she was with him.

Now, one might think, if he was her oxygen, what was she to him?
He liked to pretend she was his oxygen too.
But only when he wasn't busy, or he was bored.  
He filled her head with hope for the future, and a life just for the two of them.  He craved any and all attention, so he played along.
But at some point, he got tired of her.
Tired of her dependance.  Tired of a little puppy dog trailing along.
So he called her up.
He tried to be decent, he tried to be nice, but with a short call he ended it.
He ended her.

Imagine all the air being ****** out of room.
Imagine being held underwater, your lungs are screaming for air, but you won't get any.  
You slowly start to lose consciousness.
It gets black and fuzzy.
And you drift into a deep, lonely sleep.
That's how she felt.

Without her oxygen,  she was dying.
While he was sitting at home watching tv.
You.
Jun 2016 · 243
Lost
Bella Kiilani Jun 2016
Do you ever just lay in bed at night, and wonder what you're doing wrong.
#me
Jun 2016 · 293
Free
Bella Kiilani Jun 2016
It's so hard to love without possession.
If someone is your boyfriend or your girlfriend or even your best friends you feel like that title makes them yours.  Everyone wants someone all to themselves.  Someone you can write mine all over and claim as your own. But, the thing is people can't be claimed.  People aren't lunch boxes that you sharpie your name on and than they're yours forever.
You don't need to own someone to love them.
Jun 2016 · 304
Gone
Bella Kiilani Jun 2016
I'm starting to forget the way your hand feels in mine.
I don't dream about you anymore.
I'm even starting to forget our memories, and even the little things about you like you're favorite candy bar, or your favorite movie.
You disappearing from thoughts, and from my life.
Now there's an open space for someone new.
Jun 2016 · 274
My Favorite Kiss
Bella Kiilani Jun 2016
We kissed like we were dying.
We kissed like it was the last moment on earth.
We kissed like I was sending you off to war, and this was it.
Jun 2016 · 226
T
Bella Kiilani Jun 2016
T
I want you from your heart to your soul and everything in between.
May 2016 · 242
*
Bella Kiilani May 2016
*
I kinda hope one day you wake up and realize I was always there for you.
May 2016 · 218
Inspiration
Bella Kiilani May 2016
I'm not sure if you mean the things you say, or you're just using me for inspiration because you have nothing else to write about.
Never love a writer.
You will never know what their true feelings are.
Maybe they want to talk to you, or maybe their just using you for their next story.
Apr 2016 · 247
;
Bella Kiilani Apr 2016
;
Whenever I try to get over you by getting with someone new, I always find myself wishing they were you.
Apr 2016 · 304
Honestly, honesty.
Bella Kiilani Apr 2016
She deserves the truth.
She deserves the truth from you more importantly.
Apr 2016 · 292
+
Bella Kiilani Apr 2016
+
I want to ******* to your favorite song, so every time you hear it you think of me.
Apr 2016 · 252
K.
Bella Kiilani Apr 2016
K.
I'd be ok without you, I could survive.
But who wants to be just "ok."
Apr 2016 · 280
2016
Bella Kiilani Apr 2016
All friendships have an expiration date.
High school graduation, last day of work, moving, forgetting, simply being too busy, death.
Apr 2016 · 1.0k
Right Person - Wrong Time
Bella Kiilani Apr 2016
Sometimes I wondering if you were the right person for me, but our timing just ******.
When you loved me, I loved someone else.
And now I love you, and you don't feel the same.  
I figured it all out too late.
I'll always wonder if you were Mr. Right.
Always wonder, but never know.
****.
Apr 2016 · 5.3k
FWB
Bella Kiilani Apr 2016
FWB
We went from friends.
To friends with benefits.
To just benefits.
If I could only have one of the two,  I would pick being your friend a hundred times over.
It's where we began, and what we built everything on.

I wish you were my friend again.
I miss you.
Friend
Apr 2016 · 343
.
Bella Kiilani Apr 2016
.
The feelings have slowly evaporated.
Mar 2016 · 303
Family
Bella Kiilani Mar 2016
Sometimes we hurt the ones that love us most because we know they will alway care.
Other times we are horrid to the ones who love us most because we hate them.
Mar 2016 · 310
-
Bella Kiilani Mar 2016
-
I can't believe I've missed you, but I definitely have.  Peculiar how sometimes we long for things that have burned us before, because we just want to feel a sense of something again.
Start a fire.
Mar 2016 · 543
Now
Bella Kiilani Mar 2016
Now
I'm a reminiscer.
I love to think back to when I was 10, and I always got A's in school.
Or when I was 13, and a lot of guys like me.
Or when I was 14, and my parents weren't divorced.
But, no matter how much I reminisce, I can't bring those good times back.

Your past has value, but you just have to focus on what's good now.
Live in the present
Mar 2016 · 460
Feel
Bella Kiilani Mar 2016
At first, there were bubbles,
which turned into butterflies,
and then the butterflies grew into fireworks,
and everything was perfect.
Evntually though, the fireworks lost their spark and there was only fire.
The flames popped all the bubbles, killed the butterflies, and left my heart chard, and black.
And just like something burnt, I no longer feel anything anymore.
Feb 2016 · 330
Pick me
Bella Kiilani Feb 2016
There's been this one question that I've always wanted to ask you:

"Why am I not enough?"

There's always someone you pick over me.  Your sister, your friends, her.
And, even when there isn't anyone else, you still don't pick me.  Never first choice, or second, or third....

There must be something wrong with me, mentally, physically, emotionally, personally, because I'm not enough, and I was never picked by you.
Feb 2016 · 375
Ties
Bella Kiilani Feb 2016
Even if they hand you the scissors.  Even if everyone tells you, "you should."
You can't truly severe the ties, unless you make the choice that you want to.







And the thing is,
I don't want to.
Feb 2016 · 253
3:37 AM
Bella Kiilani Feb 2016
You're in my head, but I'd much prefer you in my bed.
Feb 2016 · 244
Valentines Day 2015
Bella Kiilani Feb 2016
My favorite memory wasn’t when we were kissing, or cuddling, or ******* so hard, I thought we might break. Those moments were great, but nothing like this. We were sitting up on a diving board. My legs were dangling over the edge, you were sitting behind me, holding me close. You rested your chin on my shoulder, and we looked quietly at the city lights in front of us. You slowly ran your hands through my hair. Then you kissed me softly on the cheek. I've never felt so many butterflies for you as I did in that moment.
****, it's been year since this happened, and almost a year since I wrote this.
Feb 2016 · 349
Heartbreak
Bella Kiilani Feb 2016
Heartbreak gives you a lot of inspiration.
Some of the best poems, songs, and books have come from a writer being heartbroken.
But, no matter how good it is for writing..
I'm sure the writers wish they were writing about being in love, instead of how they fell out of it.
Even if that means no one might read it.
Feb 2016 · 627
Friends
Bella Kiilani Feb 2016
You can click with people who are different from you. 
You can click with anyone you want, you just have to make the effort.  Sometimes, talking to someone who has nothing in common with you, is much more interesting then talking to someone who has a mirroring life. If you're only friends with people who are just like you, you won't learn anything new.  My friends and I are all pretty different, and I'm grateful for each original thing they've added to my life.
Personal
Feb 2016 · 826
Not for everyone
Bella Kiilani Feb 2016
Your time is precious.
Know that, value it, and only give it to those who deserve it.
Feb 2016 · 447
Pause
Bella Kiilani Feb 2016
Friendship doesn't come with a remote.
You can't just put people on pause, and come back to them later when it's more convenient for you.
If you do that, your friend probably won't be there when you try to press play.
Feb 2016 · 1.1k
Grow
Bella Kiilani Feb 2016
You're like a flower.
Some people will rip off your petals.  
Other people will water you.
-find the right love
Feb 2016 · 546
2pm
Bella Kiilani Feb 2016
2pm
You don't miss someone at 2 in the morning, you're all alone.
You could miss anyone when you're by yourself.
You miss someone when it's 2pm, and you're surrounded by other people, but you just want that one person.
You miss someone when you're busy at your job, but you still find yourself reminiscing.
You miss someone when you're working-out, going for a run, and they're still in your head with every step.
It's easy to miss people when you have the time, when you're lonely.
But, the people who truly mean the most, the ones you really miss, are the ones you think about when you don't have the time to.
2pm people.  
The ones that occupy your thoughts no matter what.
Jan 2016 · 421
It
Bella Kiilani Jan 2016
It
One time, I asked you why you do things with me.  
You told me it was because you ******* loved it.
You didn't say me, you said "it."
You only see me for what I can do, and not for who I am.
That makes me sad.
And by sad, I mean sad for you.
I'm not just a sum of my ****** abilities.
I'm worth so much more than what you've defined me as.
Maybe you will only ever like the "it" about me.
But I will love all of me.
- Self worth is important.
Jan 2016 · 271
Untitled
Bella Kiilani Jan 2016
If you have nothing to give, give yourself.
We we're placed on this earth to help others.
Jan 2016 · 311
Baby
Bella Kiilani Jan 2016
You told me to give you respect because you're older than me.
You've also told me to forget your age, it's just a number, it doesn't really matter.
It especially doesn't matter when you're ******* me.
It doesn't matter when you're asking me to send you nudes.
It doesn't matter when you're taking off my clothes.

You speak to me like I'm a silly little kid, and yet, you yell at me when I question why you do things with younger girls.

You command me like a father, yell at me like a mother, look at me like I'm a child, and only recognize my maturity when you absolutely have to.
*******.
Jan 2016 · 1.9k
Jealous
Bella Kiilani Jan 2016
If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be:  try to be happy for others.
I know it's hard, and envy isn't easy to manage, but it's important.
Being jealous won't get you what someone else has.
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