At age 27 I ask myself what the hell I am so afraid of
I was born in Central America and my family
Tree reveals that I am from Belize City
This means that I’m Belizean
I’m mixed with white & black  
But I’m not African American since I don’t have any history
Or evidence of my family living in America generations after generations
I’m not even sure if my ancestors were owned by slaves or not
But I won’t assume that we weren’t


Today I ask myself why I love this country so much
That I desperately strive to become American legally
And I want to feel like an American
I know more about African & U.S. History than Central America
I feel like a disgrace to my culture
Yet I haven’t tried to google, ask my family questions
Or even pick up a book to find out more about my ancestors

Whether they’re foreigners or Americans
They tell me that I speak perfect English
And I look like I’m African American
And they can’t even hear my accent
But I think to myself,
Well it’s still there my accent just isn’t as strong and it’s not difficult for me to pronounce English after living here for 15 years
And as for my skin complexion, hey I acknowledge that fact that I’m half black
I didn’t get this skin color from sitting in the New Mexico sun for too long

From what I’ve learned the languages that exist in Belize are:
1. Creole,
2. Garifuna,
3. Spanish,
4. Maya Mopan,
5. Maya Yucateco,
6. Maya Ketchi,
7. Hindi,
8. And German.

We eat:
1. Tamales,
2. Rice &beans;,
3. Craw-fish,
4. Pig-tail, meat-pie,
5. Mango, craboo which is fruit with milk and sugar,
6. Fried plantains.
7. Rompopo is Belizean eggnog mixed with brandy or ***

My favorite food was garnaches which:
Is corn tortilla, refried beans, and shredded cheese  
Fried cake which is bread dough that is shaped
Like a moon that was cut in half and then fried in a skillet

Belize has a variety of ethnicity
Chinese, white, black, Mexican, Native American, etc
So you might look at one of us and assume
They’re Mexican because their skin color is brown
Or think they’re Jamaican, African, and African American because
Of their dark skin or their foreign accent
But that person might be Belizean

We celebrate Independence Day on September 21
They listen to reggae music called *****
My family’s dialect is creole
Da we de gon on
Means hows it going

One day I hope that I’m confident enough to embrace everything:
The culture/country that I was born in,
The American life style that I live now and
Accepting the fact that I’m still black
Even though I’m also Belizean
I don’t want to continue to be bound to my shame of my ethnicity
Or this society that manipulates you
Into believing that surviving and
Making money should be your main focus

Live life learn lessons
Nothing to have faith in
This ensnaring world can't be trusted
One day all this will deteriorate chopping my dignity into molecules
Nothing is eternal except God
Relinquish my soul in His spirit
Prayed for so long He never answered on my
Realizing my blessing after all the stressing
And misdirection being a subordinate
Having misconceptions about life maturing into a black man
Always in someone’s shadow
No role model to model to emulate.
Walking a narrow path in self-pity
Time
Patience wearing thin
Young and angry at my lowest point puffing a joint
Exhaling the Holy Ghost limited happiness
Clouded by negativity I cursed Him out everyday
When I was overwhelmed
He lifted my gifts that I was negligent to see
Mistaken recollections reversed
Not being analytical heaven and hell are transparent
X-ray eyes see what mind ejected from heart
After a decade not being faithful to myself.
© 2006

I used to be an intern for CD Tech Health Corps
I worked with stipend money
Through Trade Tech Community College
I was trained to learn about health in
The communities of Los Angeles, California
And how it affects us as individuals and as groups

Some things I already knew like how the government
Allows liquor stores, fast food restaurants and loan offices
To be overpopulated in middle class and ghetto communities
To cause: misery, addictions, and poor work ethic
But people got used to it, even though it’s obviously unfair

What I didn’t know is by law there is supposed to be
A limit on how many fast-food and liquor stores
There are on each corner in the community

I learned from watching the Michael Moore video called Sicko
That the pharmaceutical companies own the hospitals
And they pressure the doctors, nurses and other staff employees
To refuse to help some people if they don’t have health insurance
Or they make it difficult for the people who are qualified for it
By making these ridiculous rules and requirements

I saw a grown man cry to God for help, because he was very sick
But the insurance company wouldn’t cover his
Medical procedure… a few years later he died

I learned that: France, Canada, and England run their hospitals
With more efficiency and compassion than the United States:
A visit to the hospital is free; they provide safe transportation home,
Give patients money to catch a cab, and they believe in
Treating their citizens with resect whether they’re rich or poor

C’mon people we live in the most powerful country in the world
And we supposedly have the best health care system on earth
We should back up that reputation, embrace the Obama care
Or come up with a better health care program to help all of our citizens
And we should be more Godly about how we treat the less fortunate

Gotta make that money
Till it' sunny
Cause honey doesn’t
Want to be with no brother that’s bummy
But once you go black you never go back cause
I got more Mack that a apple computer
I just have to stay
Hungry, humble and honest
And my future will be brighter than the moons of Jupiter

My family, the media, society
And growing up in the ghettos of California
Trained to believe that if you’re man,
Especially if you’re a dark skinned black man
That you can’t cry, or feel hurt by anything
Because we men have no: heart, emotions, a soul,
No brain or anything painful that should be talked about

And if you decided to go against the taboo then you’re:
Gay, stupid, sensitive they say’s you are a female/*****
I spent many years conforming to this unrealistic law
That I know not to shed a tear unless s I’m alone
Or my struggles are so overwhelming that
I don’t have the strength to fight any longer
Without getting some baggage off my chest

But ***** it life is too short to act like Pinocchio
And I’m a ******* real boy ******
So I’m grabbing a red can of gasoline,
And brown blow torch
And I’m burning this fictional script
And rewriting a story with some supportive guidelines

I cry when I talk/pray to God
I cry when I laugh too much or when I’m happy
I cry when someone that I care about dies
Or if they’re in pain and the situation is out of my control
I cry when I see a father & son on TV
Or in real life bonding with each other
I cry when I watch the seen from the movie ghost
When Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore are embraced
Between each other while they’re trying mold potter
On a spinning wheel and it falls down because they start kissing
That **** was both **** and romantic at the same time

I cry because it helps me: stay out of prison/jail,
I live longer; it teaches me that it’s ok to be a tough guy
And be vulnerable at the same time,
But most of all it gives me the strength to stay away
From relationships where I’m being abused
Or I’m abusing the other person

It’s the country of freedom of speech
Some homosexual male, bisexual
Or lesbian can get married
Men and women can choose to change
Their *** to what makes them feel good
Don’t tell me live and let live
When the rich can steal from
The poor & middle class
And make it legal under
The guidelines of capitalism
We can have a black president

So don’t tell me that this is the land of the free
But a man can’t express his feelings
Don’t patronize me into believing that the world has more:
Love, power, respect, happiness than God does for us  
Because that’s some hypocritical, double standard *******
I’m not just talking about me or minorities
And I’m not limiting it to what *** you’re
I’m speaking for what is right compared to what we are told
It needs to change because it’s not helping anybody.

Written By Shannon Pollard
©August 2013

When I was younger I had an elder friend of mine
Named Denise Davidson
I asked her “why do some older folks
Like to put down younger people
She dropped a knowledge bomb on me
She said that adults have been torn down
By life and that’s why they try to tear you down sometimes

She also told me that I shouldn’t allow anyone to put me down
No matter whom it is, even if it is the President of the United States
Those words are forever tattooed on my heart

Even in my late twenties I still deal with haters
Trying to sabotage my blessings

They try to use me like I’m a slave
And when I confront them about an issue
They talk to me: condescendingly like I’m stupid,
Or say that I’m crazy, or they blame me for their shortcomings

But now instead of me acting ignorant by: cussing people out,
Hold my anger in till I blackout and forgot what I did, or threaten to **** somebody
I get even by doing better - by proving myself right
My mentor told me when people show you trash you show them class
So I get even by having integrity in my actions

Cause all those negative people want is to see me stuck in the same place
Stuck in a worse situation than them
Because it makes them feel good about themselves
And it makes their life look better than mine
Because misery isn’t happy unless it has company
By Shannon Pollard
©Summer 2013

I can’t complain
2My parents, grandmother and all my brothers are alive & healthy
I have a place to stay, clothes on my back,
Food in the refrigerator, socks and shoes on my feet
I can’t complain
I don’t have 4 babies kids that
I’m struggling to take care of
I don’t have any baby mama issues in my life
I’m not on the Maury Povich show because some women
That I slept with want me to take a blood test
I can’t complain
I have working arms, legs, eyes, organs,
And I can breathe without a an oxygen mask
I don’t have any mental or physical diseases
I’m not on probation, CCP
And I don’t have a misdemeanor or
Minor misdemeanor on my record
I can’t complain
I have 2 bank accounts with money in both of them
I have Jesus Christ and lots of other people who love me
I’m like Tony the Tiger from the
Frosted Flakes commercials
Yelling: I feel great
By Shannon Pollard
©Summer 2013