So much to tell you. So much to show you.
So many back and forth. So many two way -
Conversations and emotions,
Giving and taking,
Vulnerabilities and experiences,
Sharing and creating;

Yet I find myself holding back words,
Suppressing feelings I have not trusted
for quite a while now.

I am stuck, frozen with anxiety.
Anxiety is a leftover.  I hate leftovers because
I am proud like that.  Anxiety is the PTSD I get
from falling all my life and not noticing until,

I hit the ground face down,
taking you with me and my pride;
for I was so sure
It was you.

My focus was wrong. It was not you.
That **** humbled me like a heart attack,
so I hide in plain sight; making connections
but cautious of the depth so you have an idea of
                                                    
but not everything. It is for the best,
I tell myself. I have to protect my hurt or
so I thought ‘til you asked the question
‘are you scared on my behalf?’

Hmmmmm, I never thought of it that way.
I guess I am scared on your behalf but,
but if I told you that, then I will be telling too much
and  I cannot;  my shameful pride

would not allow me.  It is ashamed and
can take no more,
especially if it is not you.
                                    
I have said too much and I have not said anything.
I have gone back and forth with myself one too many times.
I want to trust what I feel again but first these leftovers;

I have got to dispose. They have got to go.
So,
Anyone know where to  find
a herd of pigs?

©Belema .S.  Ekine
©belemascribbles

I miss bleeding.
I have not bled in a while.

Not for lack of trying.  Believe me. I
Have scratched and scratched beneath
The surface. Like a bad rash each time.

I come up dry,  not a blood to smear.
It has happened before. More than once actually.

You would think.  By now.  I would know how to deal
With it.  But like conflict,  not one is exactly the same.
You would think.  I.  Would be patient.  This too shall pass.

But don't nobody got time for that. For to bleed is to live.

So I scratch. and I claw. Through this four.  Walled chamber

Till I bleed just enough.  To feed my pen.  To quench this thirst.


©Belema .S.  Ekine
©belemascribbles

I saw her last night.
She was not alone.  She was with me.
And she was me.
Her eyes.  Their eyes.  My eyes
Glared back at me.
They were mine. They looked like mine
But they were not,
Not the way they stared.  Each stare
Sharper than the one before.
She moves closer. I feel the urge to scream
To call for help
But instead I freeze.  To think
What does it mean
If I scare me. Enough to scream
what does it mean
If I call out for help. To be saved from me
What does it mean?
Because I did...
I screamed

©Belema .S.  Ekine
©belemascribbles

Look! A new star up above
A new wave is come upon us

Just as prophesy foretold
A child is born
Beneath Bethlehem's night sky
Wrapped up in swaddling cloth

O what a beautiful babe we have here
On a mission he has come

How do we welcome Him
Who did not just come but
Has always been in the beginning
With God

And is God
The Creator

Yes
The One who created the heavens and the earth
Said let there be light and there was light
The One who is King,  commands chariots of fire
With warrior angels at His disposal

His throne he leaves and now
He cries in a lowly manger filled with hay

JESUS is His name
O Sweet Baby Jesus
Vulnerable like the ones he came to save
O King Baby Jesus

The only one of his kind
Was, is or ever will be

For love is often given to babes when they are born
But love He brought with life's first cry
Love He taught,  Love He showed,  Love He gives
To all even though....

He comes so all can have life
Life in abundance

Yet He chooses to start life with an adventure
On a donkey,  across country
On the run from King Herod
Who was threatened by a little baby

O Great little one
Born with a destiny so grand

HE has chosen to live by example
For to save us,  HE becomes us to show us
Obstacles,  temptations, naysayers surround us
But our eyes we fix on the price

Just as HE did on the cross
For He lives so he would die

Die that we may live not only this life,
But the one eternal with the Father
His Father - God
For He has come to do His Father's work

This is His Son in whom HE is well pleased
Follow Him the new star

Like the wise men from the east did
With their gold, acknowledge his Kingship on earth
Adore His Priesthood,  Reverence His Sacrifice
Everyday for they are frankincense and myrrh

Treasures fit for the new born baby
The second person of the Trinity

Welcome
O
Little
One.

©Belema .S.  Ekine
©belemascribbles

I am not just a person in
a uniform, I am a Soldier.
Every time I arise,  I obey;
Each time she calls, I step up
To defend her freedom,
To restore her home of peace
I arise,  I obey, I soldier on.

Into the forest of her terrors
I charge, not without fear for that
which is mine but with love and strength
and faith, I March. Defending the labour
of heroes past, I march; fighting
for dreams of her children bright-
the  future she deserves.

I arise, I obey, I soldier on.
In the army I serve Nigeria,  my
Country with heart, might and spine.
Though a thousand times I have fallen,
bits and pieces of me, lost to her darkness,
still I obey, knowing it may be my last. I arise,
leaving my family and friends behind.

I obey your call of duty. My service and loyalty
I pack on with my combat gear, that you may live
to see yet another day, to feel yet another ray of
light on your face. I am not just a person in a uniform.
I am your Soldier,  the Nigerian Soldier,
Ambushed and slaughtered in 40s, 70s and 100
for lack of resources.

Bless me O Nigeria as I arise and obey
Send me to your enemies with arsenals
and might to match the fire in my eyes.
As opposed to the massacres of me, let
the headlines read of our gallant victory
For my victory is yours over those who
threaten our unity.

I am not just a person in a uniform.
I am your Soldier
Do not let my bravery dissipate to stupidity
For I rise,  I obey,  I soldier on
still.

©Belema .S.  Ekine
©belemascribbles

That night he called it quit
She cried on her pillow
Curled up like a ball on
a freshman bunk bed.
The moon, its light her only pity party

One night he called to ask
If there was ever a chance
Yes or No? He asked
Just like that.  She replied
Flat out. No!!

Other days he called
Just to say hi! She went
From bad mood to feeling good
Laughing and  smiling but he
had made her cry that night,
years ago.

Today, here he is,
Looking into those eyes,
Hers,  searching.....
But he found her,  the same girl
She had waited! For him
all along.

In between, got her heart
Broken into a million pieces.
Broke her fair share too. Still
somewhere deep down she waited
to hold his.

It will be simpler, if
She was different,
For he is a different guy
now. Not the kind of guy for
her girl.

©Belema .S.  Ekine
©belemascribbles

Ten light years and distance passed
First love comes to Capital
Burning amber like a gentleman
in theatre's night.

Side by side in the darkest aisle
Flames of old warmly spark
Whispering words with beating hearts,
Interlocking fingers and soft lips' stamp.

©Belema .S.  Ekine
©belemascribbles

When the ****-shot kills not, the dead lions don’t roar.
They become the ghost in the dark, silent yet present.
Like power, real power, stealth in tall green grasses,
they watch
the victory dances and gleeful prances of deluded preys.
Beware!! Be not carried away.
Look into the eyes of the golden flames,
See their manes –Alive!!
In the fog of night’s peaceful fade.

©Belema .S. Ekine
©belemascribbles

An asset she is for this you see
In those big brown eyes
Her dreams reveal
Her destiny unique
This I know you feel so
To you I plead
Be her voice until she is
Shout it out that which she is
So she knows she can be
As colorful as she dreams.

With all our fibre and being
Let's
Shout it out
An Asset she is!!!
So she is strong to
SPEAK, BELIEVE, TO BE
That which she dreams and thinks

©Belema .S. Ekine
©belemascribbles

We started with love.
Well, I did.

I started with love when I laid eyes on her behind, Le derrière of life.
I was pulled into a wormhole, only her slap could wake me up from.

We slipped into hate.
Well, she did.

Till with my charm I pulled her right back
For a Yoruba demon never gives up.
A carousel going back and forth, we ride from love to hate to love again.
I hate to see her go but I love to watch her leave,every single time.

Today, today is no exception.
She will be back.

©Belema.S.Ekine
(belemascribbles)

Like a detective with an audio recording in hand,
Listening for an imperceptible sound-an echo, a jangle
An early morning east wind weaving through the branches
That missing clue with which to break his mysterious case
wide open. I find myself with you in my ear on rerun,
Pressing play, pause, rewind on impulse. Like an astronaut
on a mission to Mercury, your words trailing your voice,
Left ear to right, swimming around within, keeping my core
warm and fluffy like freshly baked doughnuts.

So,
Here I am

SNAP SNAP SNAP
SNAPPING my musical fingers
to the PERFECT song, as your words
in 00:03 seconds,
collide with my beguin'ing heart
Like drumsticks on a set.

©Belema.S.Ekine
(belemascribbles)

You come first, he goes next
This is the way it will be done
From now henceforth

Whoever washes the dishes today
Gets a pass on Tuesday
Born on a Wednesday
Says you wash the dishes on this day

Just like in birth
Your sibling follows suit
The next day

Iron clad roster
You'd say

Till she sees the mountain of dishes
Waiting in the sink on Friday

©Belema.S.Ekine
(belemascribbles)

Woman thou shall learn to say
NO

They shall know exactly what it means
Standing your ground, not wavering
on pebbles of compliments
or
stones of interests

Woman thou shall learn to say
NO

They shall put on their big boy pants
accept it for what it is
not shakara
just
a bold character

Woman thou shall learn to say
NO

Standing out in a pool of swimming folks
second to none
exceptional is the word
trust me

For never have they seen any like you
especially when they refer to the others
'Just Like You'

Never are they anything like you
Even when they say
"Am I Not A Woman Too'

©Belema. S. Ekine

1
I knew the day would come
You would come find me
As it had been said in HIS Word
So pictures I dreamt of what
You should look like
What I like and want to see
In the one who shall come
To find the good thing that I am

2
I saw you in every guy, tall and slim
Skin a shade or two lighter than mine
Oh and that one guy who was a shade
Darker, loving and good, intelligent too
I saw you in their voices, sometimes their words,
And actions until I did not anymore
It was love, my kind of love, their kind of love
And it was over every single time

3
I had had it, this last heartbreak
I swear shattered my rib cage
So I stopped trying to find you
Before you found me
I stopped trying to find you
And begun to find me for you
Digging deep within for the virtues
That I know HE embedded in me
Not just for my satisfaction, but for multiplication
And HIS glorification

4
Now I know the day is near
That day set for you to find me
Just as in HIS prophesy, I
Got your message
Loud and clear
I anticipate your arrival with
Faith and prayers to last
A lifetime together
In the love birthed
Just for us

©Belema .S. Ekine

Long before she was born
The balance, the societal scale,
The ground upon which her wobbly feet
Will learn to stand upright and walk steady
Had been socially disintegrated.

Arms with which her clay mind
Is to be molded and framed
Had been morally fractured.

The ‘responsible majority'
Saddled  with the making of serious decisions
Had decided against her-

The minor, with fewer rights
And a body like hers-
Double jeopardy, I will say.

The verdict always the same,
Unanimous more often than not
Guilty!! Is the girl child;
If she grows too fast
Or he touches her inappropriately.

So she learns from her early days
The skill of helplessness
All through the pain and the shame

For it is always her fault
Always has been
Long before she arrived

©Belema .S. Ekine

A ritual performed, The morning after
Facing the fear of letting go, Moving on
Opening the door to the unknown to come
A release sought at grief’s last phase
Opening the eyes, Accepting the fate
A ceremony had alone in bed
Laptop in lap, Deleting away
Photos, videos and voicenotes made
A Bonfire would have been great
But for safety sake T-shirts were fed
To the scissors fetched with fire in hand
Pieces in trash, digits erased
It is final this time Not a single tear
Was shed.

©Belema. S. Ekine

No star in sight
For years on end
Just pitch black sky
And emptiness

The night came young
But now it is old
So why would it not
Give up the ghost

A light peeks out
Behind dark clouds
Shy and round
But still it shines

A waxing moon
On a journey grows
Delivering a bundle of
Joy in full term.

©Belema .S. Ekine

You swore you never knew
What love was util you met me
You would not say the words
Until you meant them
Then you said them to me
In English and French repeatedly
You said if I ever went far away
You would never let me go again
You said you would never leave me
The morning after I dreamt
That you did with her
You said a wife you were asked to pick
Swiftly you chose me
You said you craved for only me
Dreamt of the night our wedding will be
Now these things have meaningless be
Because you are saying these words to me
"Tomorrow her parents I will meet
Just know our memories I will always keep
For Man proposes but God disposes
I wish you the best
Because you deserve it"

©Belema.S.Ekine

Watching the light at the end of the tunnel,
the tunnel I have come to call abode
I stay wrapped in the familiarity of the darkness
The darkness I have come to know as norm
Fearful of its mystery shining bright and infinite
Wondering what the heck it wants from me
I run!
Run further, run deeper int secret sins
I feel my no more, going through the motions
Tripping over hidden guilt,
I am caught!
Caught in the sand slowly sinking beneath
Feet by feet till the sixth I am pulled
Pulled into the darkness darker
Than the familiar, for this is the end
The one fashioned just for me
I wasn't watching for it but I saw it
The light! the very one at the end of the tunnel
It was there, still here
It never left
It followed me, It followed me!
Into the dark of the darkness for there
It shone brighter and brighter and that which
Was deep black now was lit white
With arms outstretched he pulled me out
On ground solid my feet he set
heart filled with joy this question I asked
Who are you?
With love like none i had ever heard described
He spoke these words in return
The light of the world
The way, the truth
The life, the Saviour
I am
JESUS!!

©Belema.S.Ekine

He left me to drown
Swam to shore
Saving himself and the dreams
O! the dreams, we dreamt
Together or so it seemed
For I see now that 'we'
Was only 'he'
A typographical error on my part
For he had a dream, didn't
Necessarily need me
Any 'she' would do just fine
O! How naive I was,
How could I not have seen
Him for what he truly is
An imp
Walking around on stilts

©Belema.S.Ekine

Little children with screaming ribs
Bulging eyes and feeble limbs
Stomachs filled with empty meals
Spirits broken in penury

Growing up unevenly
Economically and socially
Basic needs are luxuries
With less than one dollar coming in

Choices robbed,  Options deprived
The pendulum swings
Absolute and Relative
Survival chance Is dreary bleak

Cycle so vicious,  Our hatred grows
Like Perseus,  Our own heroes
We must now become
Slaying the beast at every turn

For like Medusa ,
Poverty is a dreadful Monster
With vices for hair
But not immortal

©Belema .S. Ekine

In the BEGINNING



There was you

And with you

Came me

It was us

Us against the world

Strolling towards the future

Side by side



Lost in a warp

With the world plugged in our ears

It is you and I

Against us

Our backs turned against the future

(a future frozen even with global warming)

We look behind

Remembering not LOT’s wife

And the PILLAR of salt.



The END

 

©Belema .S. Ekine

Love he penned down
In lines crafted with
Passionate chimes
Emotions he scribbled
In stanzas so smooth
Metaphor no longer
Could refrain locking
Hands with Simile
For within each rhyme
Were hidden rhythms
Of his fervent heart
Only she could decipher

©Belema .S. Ekine

Many a times I studied the lights
On the right nights
I held my head high and shut my eyes tight
Making wishes upon each star
Shooting by in the sky
So
Somewhere in the stars
Is a story about us
A poem, a prose, a drama
Our body of works
For as long as the stars light up the sky
Our words, our love, our bond
Will shine bright
For engraved in the stars is
The art that is
You and I

©Belema .S. Ekine

I can hear them
Voices being raised
As each shell detonates
And I know I'll be
Walking in a field of landmines
For the next few days
As is always the case
Since I was eight
Each time my earplugs I grab
Drowning the sounds of the blasts
Shielding my memory form its shards
But only a while this could last
For a knife I brought to a gunfight
I was dragged
And the blasts over and over
Explode in my head
As my mind a war zone it became.

©Belema .S. Ekine

Whoever said
All is fair in love and war
Must have been soaked
In a pool of misleading naivety
For nought is fair to the
ONLY girl in the world
who now is the
OTHER woman in the picture

©Belema .S. Ekine

How would you feel if
Dangling before you were the words
To expel the pain
Exorcise your demons
So you lift up your pen
And **** they are gone
Leaving you stranded on an island
With no message in your bottle

©Belema .S. Ekine

For someone drenched in fear
She didn't break a sweat

©Belema .S. Ekine

She set the game in motion
Crafted all the cards
To his bended knees
She dealt the wrong hand
Bluffing the years away
Like a hapless poker player
As was the rule of the game
She had no company
She did no pairs
Left unmatched, she became
The old maid in the game.

©Belema .S. Ekine

I miss you
It should hurt
Because you are miles away
But you have always been away so
Missing you is the only norm
I have ever known.
It is my go-to fuzzy cashmere
When rainy days call.

Now with kilometres converted
Into inches,
You are Here with Me
Literally Present

Out of the blue
Hot and cold flashes
Strike me
Like a surge
So my lungs fall short of air,
My feet tingles like a bell
As I ‘m subjected to arrhythmic
Thumps in my chest

And all I need is not the
Brown paper bag
In your hand but
MY FUZZY CASHMERE!!!!

©Belema.S.Ekine

Picture this:
Girl jumps up and down her bed lip syncing
Whitney's ' Dance with Somebody'
Girl cries every single time she watches a good love story
A helpless romantic she is

I was that girl
So when the day came
I fell HARD!
No shocker there
Thinking I was blessed because he fell harder
We were Adam and Eve in Eden
Before the biting of the apple
In our birthday suits without a care
Or a fear of prying eyes

And then it was all gone
Yanked from us
Futility became our reality
The naivety that was our future
I learnt it was never ours to keep
Evicted! we are to move
Onto our separate chapters
For vain had been my (our) inputs

Picture this:
Now
26 years 6months old
All drained out
Girl jumps up and down her bed lip syncing
No more , nothing left just
A Door hanger
That screams
'EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE'

©Belema.S.Ekine
(belemascribbles)

Pacing in the dark
Beneath fluorescent lights
Seconds feigning minutes
As minutes mirror hours
Nerve wrecked
Is a mother of just a week
Pleading
God!!  I'll do anything
Just let my baby breathe
Again

©Belema.S.Ekine

Tandi, The Dare!!!
They all called her
For her life she lived
On the edge
With no fury, no weary

A façade she wore
A distraction it was

Tandi The Dare
Had been running all along from
That which she feared the most
From the truth,
Her Truth!!!.....

The End!


©Belema.S.Ekine

What is the quality of the quantity?

In a place where
He would get down
Rather than sit between two women in a public transport.

In a place where
She is asked why she walked ahead of him
Is told it is her place to walk behind him
And not enter a place before he does.

In a place where
He is scolded for being too attached to her hip
For fear that he will be soft and fragile
Hence 'NOT BE A MAN'S MAN'

In a place where
It does not matter
The level of education she gets or her IQ,
She is referred to as 'JUST A WOMAN'.

In a place where
He is left alone with responsibility of bills
Because he is the man and
it is his responsibility and his alone.

In a place where
She is locked out of their late brother/son's house
Because she didn't 'give' him a mini-him.

In a place where
Tradition is used as an excuse
To express their ******* nature
So he marries her
While she plays with her plastic doll.

In a place where
She is seen as not doing anything
Of importance or value
Because it cannot be quantified
As money at the end of the month.

In a place where
The number one mallam presents his "gimbiya" to the world
As a wound-up toy in his triangular doll house of dehumanization.

In a place where
WOMEN are tagged as not having what it takes
Because ONE woman failed at doing a thing

What is the quality of Our quantity?

  ©Belema.S.Ekine

RING!!! RING!!!!
The sound before the hello
Ring ring ring
The expectation of the clueless heart
Anticipating the peace that is the Familiar
That Voice permanently engraved in the soul
The symbol of protection and safety
There it comes!!!!
BOOM!!!
The explosion of the heart
BOOM!!! BOOM!!!!!
The Aftermath of the impromptu silence
Just as the strange clear voice escapes the pink vase
Debuting its smashing hit single
It hits the drum when no one is listening for it
Calling out like a violent storm
Threatening to break up the boat on the once calm sea
Like a stowaway hiding in the basement
Only to be revealed by a run of luck.
                
©Belema.S.Ekine

Ring Ring!! goes the phone
He hears her,  he sees her
Calling out in tunes programmed just for her
Can’t wait to hear the smile in her words
No idea what they will talk about today
Maybe he’ll tell her how boring class was
She’ll tell him how she had writer’s block all day
Either way letting each other know the day just begun
The very minute he pressed the green button
Got 50-maybe scenarios off the top of his head
None was anything like what the next 5seconds delivered
A 3rd voice calls, the link severed
Well guess it’s true what they say
2 is company,  3 a crowd
Two questions accompanied by
Shadows of insinuations and accusation
Plunge right through his chest
Resting heavy on the heart
Breaking ground for a long long night


          
©Belema.S.Ekine