my hands have been red since the moment you left.

there is blood under my fingernails,
staining once-clean skin,
tainting my every word.

there is blood under my fingernails
and if i squint their half-moons
might maybe once upon a time
look like your always half smile.
(now i know why you could never
give me a whole.)

there is blood under my fingernails
and i do not plan to clean it.
maybe i want strangers to know
just what i am willing to do.

there is blood under my fingernails
and when they find me here,
staring at your corpse and
echoing my silent screams,
there will still be blood
where i cannot reach.

your blood is under my fingernails.
i'll come for you in the afterlife
and rip you apart again.

"I am all pieces that don't fit
But with you
I don't realize it."*

That's all I have ever wanted to be able to say



And meant

Aries* - Tell me why you keep picking at the scars on your heart. Why won’t you let the wounds mend?

Taurus - How come every time someone asks you to describe ‘home’, the only thing that comes to your mind is their eyes and the sound of their heartbeat?

Gemini - Why does you heart still ache when you see them together? Is it because they never left or they did, but you’re still there?

Cancer - Do you still think about them? Late at night when the world is asleep? Do you think of how many times you could have saved them but never found the strength to save yourself first?

Leo - Tell me about 'almost’. How you were almost good enough. How they almost wanted you. They almost stayed. But you were there. forever.

Virgo - Be honest, why do you look away when someone makes eye contact with you? Do you see them in everyone? Their eyes are ones you will never forget.

Libra - What happened to them? The one you once told everything to? Your stomach still drops at the sound of their name doesn’t it? Why do you put all your strength into bringing them back when you know that they’re gone

Scorpio - You spend years building up walls hoping someone will break them down, but it’s getting lonely isn’t it? You’ve been on your guard for so long, tell me about the nights you try to put the pieces of your heart back together

Sagittarius - Why do you still hold on to every moment that defined them? Ever since they left, you’ve been drinking liquor the way they had it.

Capricorn - When was the last time you looked in the mirror and recognized your reflection? How long have you been faking a smile to hold back all the pain?

Aquarius - Do you ever wonder if the reason why you feel so empty, is because you let so many take pieces of you, you didn’t think you’d ever need. They made themselves from all the love you could give.

Pisces - Why can’t you forget them? Is it because they promised they would never leave, or a part of you still has hope that they will come back?