Sun rises on the day,
and incinerates the night before.
Bodies stumble to the kitchen,
jello legs drag across the floor.

Silence hangs in the air,
as we sip on our open drinks.
We hate us now, sick and tired,
but one day we'll think...

Think of the drunken friends,
all the spilled drinks,
all the puked out brains,
all the drinking games,
all the endless laughs,
and all the times we crashed,
and all the love we shared,
under one small roof.

I feel the glow of the sun,
slowly absorbing into my skin,
while the light within my chest,
is growing rather dim.

Millions of miles away sits a heart,
that I can only dream is mine.
Its everlasting glow and warmth,
are what I miss inside.

My heart is clunky, missing pieces,
and coated with a layer of rust.
It's chugging on like a locomotive,
omitting only bad love.

Someday I'll find what I'm looking for,
and replace this pile of scraps,
with the everlasting, shining sun,
that I envied so much in the past.

Somewhere along the line,
I lost all self control.
Reckless actions led to reckless feelings I've never felt before.

I tried to fight them off,
but I just can't get enough.
These reckless feelings have me touching the ceiling and ending on the ground.

Because every time I push,
they pull me in again.
And every time I pull,
they push me down.
I'm on my hands and knees,
begging for mercy,
when the only I can give mercy to myself.

Broken things don't mend themselves,
love doesn't grow without proper soil.
My brains got rust on all the gears but I won't give them any oil.

I love to fly 'cause I love the high,
even if I crash and burn.
I'll relive it over and over again because I know I'll never learn.

I will start the fire,
and let myself burn.
And I will break my bones,
and end up on the shelf.
I'm on my hands and knees,
begging for mercy,
when only I can give mercy to myself.

I took a gun,
and put it to my head,
safety off,
fully loaded.

I didn't shake,
didn't hesitate.
Finger on the trigger,
finger on my fate.

Didn't breakdown,
didn't make a sound,
all I did was smile.

Every year autumn comes around,
and everyone deals with it.
But I sit on the ledge,
thinking,
rocking back and forth hoping just maybe I'll fall.

I'm hearing sounds for the first time again,
but they bring back faint memories,
that sting each time I try to remember them.
I've hit the reset, involuntarily,
like so many years before.
Now I'm learning to crawl,
to feel,
to see,
to breathe.
Nothing I learned is there,
all swept away in a flash flood of disorder,
leaving me speechless,
and tired.
I just want to sleep.

When I look out the window,
I see green on the trees,
blood in my head,
blood everywhere.
Gravity isn't what's holding me down,
what's keeping me here.
I've hit a wall and there's no sound,
nothing to comfort me,
so I bleed,
all over the trees,
all over the walls.

Spiraling,
down,
down,
down,
crashing,
smashing,
impact,
layers of hate,
miles of pain,
back to Earth.

It's easier to fold than to fight,
easier to give up every night,
easier to choose wrong, not right,
easier to lie down and die,
than to choose to be alive.

Reaching out,
she grabs my ankles.
Pleading for a friend,
she slips away into the dark.

Broken miscommunication,
building on our frustrations,
with the strangers that we live with.

Fabrics of our families fraying,
our history, we love erasing,
anything to break the natural bond.

We don't want to be alone,
but we don't want to share the world,
so instead we live in darkness.

I live for the people I meet,
my neighbors aren't strangers to me,
why close the blinds when you can let in the light?

The world we know lives in the dark,
hoping to avoid that benevolent spark,
that's why I'm here holding the torch.

Lights off,
doors locked,
windows shut,
blocked off.
No sound,
no sight,
no love,
no light.
Sparks fly,
don't ignite,
separation,
blank life.
Years gone,
love lost,
never hurt,
at what cost?

My flame is going out,
and I don't know how to light it.
It's cold inside my chest,
and I just can't ignite it.

Saturated by the love I hate and the hate I love to feel,
I question every word because every word you say might not be real.

And when I lay in bed at night looking at the colors crawl across the ceiling,
I pray that when I wake up the next morning, they'll reflect the way I'm feeling.

I wish I could **** myself,
I just don't have the guts.
I'm afraid of pain so I avoid any form of self mutilation,
I just wish I had it in me to get over the pain and do it because the pain in my chest is so much worse than the pain I'd feel.
I don't hate,
I love everyone,
I love everything,
I just hate my life.
It's been 5 years since my first hospitalization,
they put me on medications,
told me I'd feel better.
It's been five years.
Nothing has changed.
I'm still living the same life,
with the same feelings,
with the same self hatred,
the same indescribable pain in my chest.
I'm just waiting for something,
anything,
a sign,
a glimmer of hope,
a reason to believe,
a reason to finally do it.
This isn't really a cry for help,
just another poem.

Every second we blink is a second we miss,
a second to a minute,
a minute to a lifetime.

Every second we hate is a second with a grimace,
an ugly, twisted anger,
misdirected and ill-tempered.

There's no sense in hating when loving is easy,
see the good in the people,
the heart and the humanity.

But instead we choose not to see these,
and we invite the evil,
right into our souls.

If only we saw the potential we have,
our species misguided,
our love is unbridled,
our hearts undecided,
our minds are divided.

Love is compelling,
enough to move mountains,
till then, it stays dormant,
under rock and granite.

Falling back, I'm losing speed,
please know that I'm not free.
Don't turn around, don't stop and wait.

Tied down, I'm all chained up,
trust me, I've had enough.
But there's nothing here to break my bonds.

I don't expect you to understand,
my brain's not like other men's.
It turns me down, it beats me up.

Metaphysics stretches my mind,
it breaks me down sometimes.
There's nothing here,
there's nothing at all.

On the border of unknown,
waves crash into shore.
The waters chill grabs my ankles, like a ball and chain.

Somewhere in the infinite,
there's not a single sound.
But right now on this beach there's something singing underground.

The vastness of the ocean,
it's something we can't see.
It stretches far beyond the likes of infinity.

And while I stand here straddling,
the known and the unknown,
I hope you hear the songs I sing for those I used to know.

Time moves so incredibly fast,
hours tick by, days quickly pass,
weeks turn to months,
months turn to years,
years into a lifetime,
a lifetime in seconds.

Infinite grains of sand,
sprinkled on the shore,
each carrying a memory,
of days shared before.

Silent winds shift the sands,
swirl and toss and rearrange,
till memories scatter far away,
but remain the same.

Raging ocean pounds the shore,
tears the memories from their place,
and gently rests them deep at sea,
but they still remain the same.

Infinite grains of sand,
sprinkled across the world,
These memories never fade,
they just come and go unheard.

Crashing through steel beams and concrete,
like a bullet through skin,
layer by layer, into the abyss,
hit the ground like a soft kiss.

Deep in the cracks,
covered in dirt,
blood runs through the Earth,
rushing through its open wounds.

Among the many skeletons,
lies a broken wreckage,
of skin and flesh,
blood and bones.

And through the fading sight,
of the shattered soul,
there's a glimmer of hope,
but it's just a mirage.

Something about anger,
tears apart my soul.
Progressively tightens my chest,
how can people be so cold?

Feel my lungs collapse,
under the weight of the hate.
Takes my heart and chains it down,
and these chains, I can't break.

Something about anger,
how it eats at my soul.
Turns bones into ashes,
turns the heart black as coal.

How I pity the man,
who turns love into hate.
He surrenders to evil,
his soul to take.

Something about anger,
makes me love even more.

I wish I was blind,
so I didn't have to see you anymore.
I wish I was deaf,
so I'd never have to hear your voice.
I wish I couldn't taste,
so this bitterness in my mouth would go away.
I wish couldn't smell,
so nothing could remind of those days,
we spent together,
arm in arm,
hand in hand,
I can't stand,
just the thought,
of you here,
makes me fear...

I wish I couldn't feel,
so this pain would go away.

Stress is a noose around my neck,
a dagger to my heart,
a thief in the dark,
taking a piece of me each time it slithers through.

Splinters of hate,
exploding from your lips,
impaling skin.

Blood tastes sweet,
so sweet.

Marble skies roll over golden fields,
in the silent winds, whispers travel to the ears.
Their faces are free, painted with joy,
under the setting sun.

Born on rocks and forged with hate,
their worlds collide and separate,
and now they find themselves sown together,
under the setting sun.

Warm air swirls and curls and flows,
down from the sky, and through their bones,
waiting for an event horizon,
they feel the setting sun.

Gods are known to tear apart,
the sacred chains that bind two hearts,
but nothing can stop their everlasting love,
under the setting sun.

Man knows nothing,
he sits in silence reading blank pages.
History we claim to be the truth,
it's true if we say so.
Bound by our mistakes,
the ones we makes time and time again,
we reach for the stars,
only to pull down our brothers.
Hate taints golden heart,
fear pushes the hand of the unsteady,
fire burns the caster,
man knows nothing.

In between the crumpled notes,
on the shifting ground,
see the colors blend,
lines parallel cross again.

Shavings of the words I said,
crack and break their form,
under chipped paint ceilings,
broke down and under fire.

Flash flood of anger and hate,
breaking late, it's a grinding collision,
and in the rubble of something called love,
nothing but division.

Burns on my hands,
my neck and my heart.
Burns everywhere you touched,
burns everywhere you touched.

I gave you a picture frame,
dripping with the saturation of a million lies.
We pinned memories,
to each and every star in the night sky.

Tears stain concrete black,
among shards of the glass slipper.
Each piece, a laceration,
to the heart, it's a trigger.

Eviscerated of love,
the stars seem to fade,
into obscurity,
they remain.

We love to **** what we can't have,
every touch, every taste,
is just something we can take.

We love to take what we don't need,
all the love in the world,
is never enough for me.

If a gaping hole were to appear,
in the middle of our atmosphere,
and take me far away from here,
I'd leave in a heartbeat.

But I'm stuck down here on Earth,
stuck here questioning my worth,
while someone tells me I'm the worst,
they call this living.

But I would **** just to make you feel,
I don't care that you're happier than me.
I would take all the love you have,
just so you could feel the way I feel.

I could give you my soul,
and you'd ask for my body too.
I'd be cautious at first,
but I'd do it because I love you.

You'd look at your spoil,
and say it's simply not enough.
You'd throw it to the fire,
and I'd burn.

I hope every memory we made,
comes back to stab you in the dark.
I hope you feel the exact pain,
that I felt on a cold Sunday night.

I hope every word you said,
comes back to haunt you, like a ghost.
I hope every time you see me,
you realize you're what you hate most.

I hope that every dream you have,
is shattered like the rest.
I hope when you pick up the pieces,
you see me in the mess.

I hope someday you see,
that words mean more than love.
I hope that you remember...

My mother once told me,
"I forgive but never forget,"
which at first made sense,
to my ignorant little mind.

Why would I forget,
all the bad things said?
All the venom once spit,
in my ears and face.

But when I found myself trying to live my life,
built on grudges and animosity,
I found myself struggling to stay alive,
I was living the wrong philosophy.

I had an insatiable appetite,
for life and love,
neither of which I could get,
with this bitter taste in my mouth.

So I broke loose,
of the memories that once scarred me.
Now I forgive and forget,
so no memories can bar me.

Inside the silence,
there were voices.
Some just scratched the surface and that was all.
Whether it was the madness of the season,
or the chill running down her spine,
she left sometime in the Fall.

Her eyes glazed over with a silver lining,
lips vermilion like the cardinals in the trees,
cheeks rosy and very much alive yet,
she'd speak not a word to me.

Nor to anyone else who came to visit,
they sat, perplexed, much like myself.
No words, no cries, no, nothing at all,
could bring back the ******* the shelf.

So she sits there, just like me,
waiting for something to change.
Will flowers sprout,
and continue to grow,
in a cold month of May?

When you look in the mirror,
don't look at yourself,
don't look for your flaws,
don't compare yourself to someone else.

When you look in the mirror,
look at your life.
Look at your accomplishments,
look on the inside.

Then when you're done,
look at yourself,
and you will see a champion,
a warrior of life.
Battle tested and successful.

Because at the end of your life,
when you lay in your casket,
they don't remember you for your face.

I sat from afar,
separated by barb wired walls,
and I waited to patiently,
slowly building a bridge from you to me.

Now I sit here in the dead of night,
counting wasted months and lost time,
because I thought there was something there,
but there was nothing but words and air.

So now my bridge burns,
I wish you could get in my head so you could see what you've done.
My eyes are on fire,
my heart is a liar,
and I can't help but hold my breath.

But in the end,
you'll slip through the cracks anyway...

Tie me up and poke some holes,
in my heart and in my soul.
Watch me drain, I feel cold,
I'll deflate and you'll move on.

Simple things fall through the cracks,
she loves his love and all it lacks.
Inside the collapsed heart, I lay,
drowning in the blood that remains.

I won't move, no I won't fight,
I'll wander on into the night.
Because every single word I say,
floats into irrelevance anyway.

Sandpaper hands in the black,
steady and sure, no longer pure.
Stained with the blood,
of the forgotten ones,
stars can only watch from above.

Treading lightly on stained sand oceans,
there is no depth, only death.
Why would man ****,
when man has tongue?
Do not question Capitol Hill.

The Man says to do and so it is done,
but would the Man do it if he had the gun?

Charming in his ways and strong in his speech,
he walks all over you and me,
with his big government feet.

Don't let him push,
don't let him pull,
don't let him tug,
on the little ropes.

We aren't the puppets,
we're the puppeteers.
So let them know that,
and makes sure they hear.

Cement stained with tears,
men have come and gone.
Replaced by their fears,
nothing left to lose.

Look them in the eyes,
tell them it'll be alright.
Then put them on the back burner,
show them what you think they're worth.

Families are cold,
hungry and scared.
Did you ever care?
You got your fair share.

To break a man's will,
is to tear down his pride.
Replace him with metal,
make him obsolete in his mind.

Man is not an object,
humankind as a whole.
We are irreplaceable,
we are indispensable.

If I disappeared,
would you notice I'm even gone?
If I vanished,
would you right all you did wrong?
If I faded,
would you listen to our song?

Or would you share it with someone else?

There's something inside me,
I feel it ticking and pounding.
I can't breathe and it hurts,
but it feels so astounding.

I've let it have it's way,
one too many times before.
I can't let it take control,
so I lock the door.

I can hide away,
till it goes away,
till I lose you too,
because no one stays.

I once heard from Freddie,
that love was a game,
and if that's the case,
I don't want to play.

I just want to feel,
safe again.

In the halls,
she calls for you.
In the halls,
the walls bled blue.

From fantasy to free,
the many years must fall.
Something is here,
I see it in the bruises,
all along my tiny arms.

The dinner table is set,
the china looks so swell.
There's a voice in my head,
telling me not to tell,
but it's you,
but it's you.

I don't know why,
you're trying to be so kind.
Every second here,
is a waste of time.

I'm overloading,
my mind is corroding,
and I can't seem to find,
purpose in my life.

Silver tears,
and pearly white smiles,
reflecting off my glazed over eyes.

I'm standing on thin ice,
please don't come near,
or we'll both drown,
in all my fears.

I just want to die alone,
I don't want to take you down.
I don't want to die alone,
I just don't want to take you down.

I remember,
the day you came around,
said you found a man who could treat you right.

And I remember,
thinking all I did wrong,
and how I never really put up a fight.

I remember,
hearing the church bells ring,
never thought a sound could go through a man.

And I remember,
holding onto the notes,
crumpled in my angry, sweating hands.

I remember,
the love you gave me,
you knew just how to take my breath away.

And I remember,
begging, "Lord, please",
right before I handed my life away.

It's crazy how people transform us,
they change us and rearrange us.
We help, but they do most of the work,
whether it be with a smile, or a hand to hold.

If you look into someones eyes,
and you stare at them just long enough,
something clicks and fireworks fly,
it's a crazy thing, that word love.

No one can deny,
that feeling inside,
the butterflies,
when the stars align,
how good it feels,
just to be alive,
just to hold you tight,
hold you by my side,
and to call you mine.

No feeling is greater,
than that of love.

I can hear my watch ticking,
I never noticed it before.
Every thought I think keeps sticking,
on my brain, on my mind, on the walls.

It's rarely silent in this house,
but when it is, it isn't good.
Gets me thinking, freaks me out,
puts me in a terrible mood.

If I keep thinking,
I'll start sinking,
it won't take too long.
Weighted memories pull me down,
and remind me I'm not strong.

It's a cold December,
but I remember,
the days of sun and smiles,
the days we drove for miles,
but now they're gone and they're not coming back.

Because the past is the past,
and it's in the rear view mirror for a reason.
The future holds a brand new path,
and gives me something to believe in.

It's 11pm and I'm hungry and tired,
moved so many boxes, my arms are on fire.
From one cage to another, just downgrade the size,
so I'm more confined.

It's easy to sit here and complain a lot,
but I'm not complaining, 'cause this is all I got.
I'm just another runaway that ended up caught,
in the things I'm not.

So call me a failure and call me a dud,
I take pride in everything I've done.
I don't live to your standards because they're no fun,
I live to feel the sun.

And while my arms are sore and my head really hurts,
I have to remember that things could be worse.
I'm just a someone living a someone life,
isn't it nice?

Life is a joke so remember to laugh,
death's a punch line that no one can out last.
Remember to laugh at the little things,
and even the things that sting.

We come and we go like a common cold,
I can still remember when I wanted to grow old.
Now I'm almost there and I'll say,
I miss the good ol' days.

We cherish the memories that won't go away,
so I'm telling you now, cherish every day.
It's the simple things that we miss,
like the first snowfall and a kiss.

Spend time with your families, spend time with your friends,
because before you know it, your time will end.
Don't look at death as the end of you life,
but the perfect time to reminisce old times.

When the walls come down,
there's that eerie sound,
can't you hear it far away,
pulsating through the airwaves.

Inside broken hearts,
there's a missing part,
no words can fill,
a void as empty as these.

It's a chilling scene,
to see a shattered dream,
lying on the floor,
naked and alone.

There's no mystery,
in the lies we believe,
but we hear them through,
and we let them grow.

And in the end,
we're back here again,
with the walls falling down,
and the missing part.

There's something about the sound of the wind,
on a cold chilly night, puts goosebumps on my skin.
I feel the Earth turning right beneath my feet,
the thought of dying is just so bittersweet.

I see people on the streets with planets in their eyes,
they look down at the ground as they walk on by.
It's like every person is a world apart,
walking around aimlessly with a broken heart.

I never thought I'd see a day where people on the streets,
were just as seclusive as dreams are obsolete.

It's absolutely crazy,
how we've all grown.
It's drives me crazy,
how much is still unknown.

Sometimes I hurt in my head and in my heart,
but for what it's worth, I can't tell the two apart.
I've spent years upon years trying to help myself,
but what makes me feel the best is when I help someone else.

I see people breaking down, falling to the floor,
begging for help, looking for an open door.
No one wants to ask for a savior in their life,
because their all afraid of saying the word Christ.

I never thought I'd see a day where people in need,
would rather die alone than with something to believe in.

It's absolutely crazy,
how we've all grown.
But it drives me ******* crazy,
knowing how much we've lost.

People think before they feel and act before they think,
this strange world we live in really needs to rethink,
how we got here and how we can still grow,
before we lose touch with what we use to know.

It's driving me crazy,
how much we don't know.

The fabrics of our lives,
come undone as we get older.
Maybe that explains,
why some of us get colder.

I'm not really sure,
how to put these words together.
I'm just hoping when I'm done,
that I feel a little better.

There's a piano right in front of me,
but I can't play a chord.
No melody, no timing,
just me banging away at the keys.

They've been telling me that everything,
is going to be alright.
They've been telling me that everything,
get's better with time.

But I'm living here on borrowed time.
I don't know how much longer I have.

If I sit and wait, I'll waste away,
I'd much rather fight for each day,
I'd much rather fight off the pain,
than sit here hoping it stops.

But for the time,
I guess I'll write,
about everything,
every step of the fight.

If I live to tell,
this tragic tale,
these words will matter to someone,
who feels the same.