perhaps i make
too many metaphors
about the ocean.

but i can't help
but compare you to a wave,

for each time i've almost got you,
you recede back to whence you came,

into the tide.

(a.m.)

What is the use of dipping your finger tips into someones heart
before you have melted your skin into the oceans of the world?
why would you lose yourself in someones eyes when you could
float in between the waters horizon and the dawn of the atmosphere?

Can you love someone when the soles of your shoes have been worn to voids
or do you have to wait for your human soul to be stripped of every meaning as well?

Because I have been running endlessly to catch a glimpse of your life
and its broken my heart and torn my shoes.

life is too long to spend your days asleep and then pretending you
blinked to find yourself lonely in routine.

And that is why I do not waste a second walking to the parking lot to
get your wallet. Instead I run.
Because i can travel the world and i can grab
the soil of a thousand different mahogany lands
but I will always find my hands
guiding themselves through the dark back to your body.

life is too long to spend your days asleep and then pretending you
blinked to find yourself lost in a future that came to soon.

And that is why I spend no time asleep. Instead of watching the sunrise
I watch you begin to wake up because because the sun does not rise
until you smile for the first time at 8 thirty AM.

The only travel I need is that of the vibrations of your laugh sailing from
your lips only to vanish into the memories I have kept so well in my mind.
The winds of the world could never whisper
sweeter things than you could on a drunken,
sleep deprived night.

I do not have to wait for the night time so I can wish on stars with you.
Partially because I have nothing to wish for,
as every lover would say.
but mostly because if I connected your freckles to your goosebumps
I would have the entire constellation mapped out on your body.
And unlike stars Your love doesn't fall.

I do not need astrologers to look deeply into the sky to let me know
that you are the one.
Because I am a palm reader and when your hand is embedded in mine
the only thing i know is that you are my entire world.

Your body is a language I would like to be fluent in.

Are you brave enough to follow me,
     To foreign places and dreams.

To stretch the human limit,
     And rip reality at the seams.

Would you dive into unknown waters,
     To follow my crazy trail.

Or stand with me through a hurricane,
     And bask within the gale.

Could we walk beside a lion,
     Strolling hand in hand.

Could we ride the backs of desert horses,
     Flying free across the sand.

Or maybe we could lay quietly,
     In fields of rolling green.

Fingers entwined, legs tangled up,
     A quiet, peaceful scene.

Would you let me sleep beside you,
     Stroking my still face.

Would you do all these things…
…am I worth the chase?

I'm finding it strange,
My heart aches with pain,
For something that was never mine.

Where has the tide gone?
Why does it no longer,
Form a pool around my feet,
And send my aching body,
Into a fragile glass like state?

Where has the rain gone?
Why does the water,
Not fall from the parting clouds,
And crash down upon,
My broken bones?

Where has the wind gone?
Why does it no longer,
Wrap it's wrath around my core,
And wind so tightly,
Around my vacant soul?

Where has the sun gone?
Why am I left alone,
In the absolute darkness,
Unable to feel warmth,
Diffuse across my skin?

Why can't I feel pain?

Why am I so numb?

you call me pretty and I deny it humbly
then you say you wanna **** me,
so we agree to hang out the next day.

impulsive as I was that night,
I was hesitant and indecisive in the morning.
you tell me it’s hard to kiss me,
because I’m not an easy stranger like all the other girls you’ve slept with.
I’m someone with a heart and you know I have a brain.

despite my capacity and our compatibility,
you would never commit to me, it’s not even worth a try.
we both know this,
and you lay me down anyways.

while you smother me in kisses and compliments,
my mind is raking through doubts and worries.
the emotional side of my mind overpowers my need for affection.
so I pull your lips from my neck and tell you not today.

it’s always too much thought,
and not enough action.

—

a new idea pops into my head.
I can picture it now;
illustrative and colorful,
a masterpiece waiting to be drawn out

quickly denied by darting self-doubt.
I’m already questioning my skills as an artist
before I even attempt to put my pen to the paper.
I never think I’m good enough,
it’s always ‘scrap that’.

everyday it’s a battle of getting my thoughts into pictures
and quickly giving up and turning them instead into words which never fail me.
am I even an artist if I’m scared of my own work?

it’s always too much thought,
and not enough action.

—

I know the different between what I want and what I need,
yet I push aside ‘minor’ details and negativities
for a fix, a fill, a drag, a sip;
for temporary numbing and partial satisfaction.

will I ever get what I deserve?
the question is,
will I ever let myself find it?

I’m too busy wasting time getting trashed with the wrong people,
avoiding the challenges I face with my art,
and giving up my body to people too afraid of commitment.

I claim to know my worth,
yet you don’t see me dropping
or quitting lustful nights and regretful mornings.
or pushing myself to work harder instead of sulk in my bed.
when will I have had enough?

it’s always too much thought,
and not enough action.