I've been hiding behind my walls,
Afraid of coming out,
Even when the person of my dreams is in front of me.

I am scared to get in a relationship because I've been in so many abusive ones.

I tell myself that I don't need love and that my best friend is all that I need,
But deep down I know that I want something more.

I was born with a Lens of detachment towards the world.
It’s superficial ideologies never really caught my eye.
I saw the world and it’s people for what it is.
Plastic, fake, a man made product of false ideas and irrational decisions.
That despite the claim that we are superior beings
We are nothing like this.

I spend the day working on things that keep me busy.
I spend the night working in an empty garage, repairing cars.
I do this to distract myself, but sometimes my mind just stops when I’m working and thinks about that nagging thought that never seems to go away.

I notice it and I think to myself.
I am enough
I am enough
I am enough
I am enough
I am enough
But no matter how many times I say it
It doesn’t change the feeling of worthlessness

Because deep down I know that if I was enough.
Things would be different.
My life would mean something to someone
Or just general

Beneath my hard edges.
Beneath my torn, battered heart.
Beneath my sunbathed flesh 
and these worn bones

Please believe, 
that somewhere in me,
there is a love song
and it is the kind you listen to
while driving back home

Life just slips away.
Maybe you didn’t mean it to,
Maybe you just got lost in the ocean of your own thoughts,
Maybe the voices of others bothered you, so you dunked your head under water to drown out the noise,
Maybe it’s all of those moments you wasted on work
Maybe it’s all the times you’ve changed yourself to please someone.
Maybe, you were too busy dreaming of the future, that you forgot to live in the present.

I prayed to god
After you broke my heart.
I prayed for him to make the pain stop.
At first nothing happened.
I started to hate the pain.
I started to feel hopeless.
But one day I was able to get out of bed.
I was able to eat.
And suddenly the pain became manageable.
Until it was barely even there

Love isn’t worth the pain anymore.
I’m a hopeless romantic and maybe that’s all I’ll ever be.