So many thoughts running around in my head, like unsupervised children. I think all of the things that I want to share with you, but am too afraid.

So many things that I build up in my mind about you, about us, about the cruelty of life and the love we shared, and this thing that we share now, what is it? Can it even be named? Can it be pinned down like that? No, not so far at least.

This is friendship? This relationship? Is that what this is?

What am I to you? I know what I want to be? I know what I wish you felt for me. I also know that I’m not that. I never will be again. I can live with that, as long as I do not have to live without you in my life in some capacity. I can’t do that.  

Our stolen moments together, a meal here, a walk there, a trip to the bookstore, a stolen night, wrapped up in each other, and a ghost of the passion that we used to share.

I want to write about all of these things, but I cannot, I cannot tell you, you will get scared, you will get hurt, but mostly, you will shut down and run away from me.

I want to write, but more than that, I want to make all of these things real again…


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Dear Nobody,
Please don’t take me seriously when we are together, and ‘I love you’ slips out.

Please don’t worry if when we have to part, my eyes tear up.

Please don’t get nervous if we you look at me, I was already looking at you, and I don’t look away.  

Please don’t be concerned when I gaze at you as if I’ll never be as happy again as I am right now.

Please don’t be upset when I steal a kiss, and I kiss you like there is no tomorrow.

Please don’t worry about me, I’ll live my life, I’ll take care of myself, I’ll find the happiness that I thought left my life when you did.


Signed - A Survivor



© Misty Bishop-Martiss

Fear that I am like my mother
Fear that I am like my father
Fear that I am not like my father
Fear that I will turn into my mother
Fear that my divorce was a bad idea for my kids
Fear that Ill never get ahead in my chosen field, so the divorce was a bad idea for me too
Fear that marrying again was a bad financial move
Fear that this marriage was a bad idea too
Fear that if it ended, I could not be 'sad enough'


© Misty Bishop-Martiss

I don't know left from right
I don't know what's left from right
I live now in black and white
And lost a fight
But now I'm clear
What comes near
Now I know everything
And that you was a faker
Because you dated fore darea

I eat alone
Yet I don't live alone
I sleep alone
But I dream with others
I'm alone
Even though I'm with many
I'm still alone

I'm finally happy
Never thought I would
It happened
And now I see bright
But yet still have a lighter
I'm not as violent as I was
I fount what I wanted
I never been so happy iny life
She said yes after saying no
But now I have so much hope
Now  I'm happy

Walk through the door
as a first step
But do not think that you have arrived
and no more can hurt you