Recovery is when you feel like you’re going sane and insane at the same time.
It’s like you are getting better and getting worse at the same time.
Recovery is seeing flashbacks that seem to be too bright that you don’t know if you’re getting a clearer view or if you’re being dazzled by it.
Recovery is terrible and pleasant at the same time.
Because it’s reliving every moment you experienced- one at a time or two, three, four at the same time.
You’re going to feel how you felt that day you met them, that day when they said they love you, and you’re going to remember that day when they left you with broken promises, beautiful lies and coated words. And yes, you’re going to remember that day you tucked yourself inside your closet and cried; that day when you stayed up all night with nothing in your head and that day when you were seven seconds to ending your life. You’re going to relive those moments, but at least not as much as how you exactly felt back then.
Recovery is being bipolar, one day you’re fine the next day you still are and the next day you’re not, and the next day you’re depressed. It happens over and over again like a cycle, like a routine- but among all routines, this one’s the hardest that you’re going to be used to.
Recovery means accepting yourself –the people you’ve been- and trying to change then.
Recovery means knowing who you were, knowing who you are, knowing who you want to be and where you want to be; It is knowing yourself, finding yourself and creating yourself at the same time.
Recovery means experiencing that trauma over and over again until it becomes real to you, until you accept that it happened to you.
Recovery is remembering what happened not by thinking that it was the old you who experienced them- Darling, it is you who experienced them.
Recovery is acknowledging the old you as you, the current you as you, your thoughts as you and your emotions as you.
Recovery is wanting to give up a hundred times everyday but you fight anyway.
Recovery maybe scary but it is also very beautiful.
Because it is in recovery where you create a beautiful art- you.
Recovery insights from a BPD diagnosed person.