I used to believe you would never hurt me;
and laughing at anyone who thought different.
The first time hit me with the greatest impact imaginable.
The second time- unbearable.
The third...I am part to blame.
You want to know why I pushed you away?
I didn't want it to hurt again.

I come running back. Crying back. Out of breath. Out of pure purpose.
You.

Cold stares, no replies, not a tear shed on your half.
So please forgive me for doubting you now.
It seems so normal. Routine. It feels like "us" again.
Now I come to a crossroads- get comfortable or be on edge.

Natural is the feeling I get when I am with you.
Everything feels right. My mind stops racing and my heart takes its place.
Do you not see this? Or do you not feel this?
Do you even know what I am saying?

I want you to know every day without you stung.
Lack of sleep; couldn't even stomach food without my insides churning at the mere thought of your face.
Having you in my reach now is terrifying.
Terrifying because it's the only thing that makes me feel how I did the first time I ever met you.

I want you to know your worth in my eyes;
How much I adore you;
And the measures I would go to, just to make you believe me.

Would you do the same for me?
Would you give up on me, again?

The memory of you haunts me
and I give in
because it feels so good
to go back
and feel a shadow of what we felt.
So I sink in
and relive it
like a movie
distorted
unreal
because it's better than the truth.
You're really gone.

Your linger in me
like a cold
infectious
that creeps into my chest
attacks my heart
haunts my mind and
spreads like a cancer.
And what can I do
but sit back
and let you wash over my body
contaminating every crevice
******* out the life
until there's nothing left.

oh my god
i just realized
i’m never going to see you again.
and i miss you.

my fingers linger over send
you’re so close
but if you come you’ll have to go
and i can’t let you leave me twice.