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ayd Feb 2018
orange skies were over our heads
The blood of what once was the future for us
Now seeps into my sheets
The stains are something that now

When someone lays with me, they’ll see it.
They’ll see how alive we could have been
how much time was spent
Where our future could have went

The way that we wanted, the life that we had started.
The seeds we planted
Something that could have only been imagined
Together, you and I

it could have been

im not sad
i promise.
I've accepted it.
we will never be friends again.
i fell in love with a friend. she told me a dream about her being trapped inside of this house and every single room she went in. she had to restart. until she eventually got out. and when she got out, it was beautiful, the sun was setting, the skies had an orange tint. ~
that same night, i had a dream about someone chasing me with a guy Fawkes mask. our dreams collided. now, we'll never share a bond that close again.
ayd Feb 2018
my hands are cold
they’ve been cold for a while now.
I’ve lost a lot of life
and it only feels like I’m drowning yours now.

im not okay
and i can’t risk spreading it
it’s so difficult to open up
i realize it more

it makes me feel weak
it makes me think
that, i am pulling someone down
i Live in darkness

they're are glimpses of light
Every so often
But evidently, there are more black outs then there is light out


im a lot like winter

then, summer comes right?
but not mine, mine is winter.
and i always meet summers.

people who live like summer even if they feel winter
Friends, lovers, family.
the opposite of what i am
im trying to understand.

i have some traits of summer
But they’re all just....
not enough
to be like summer's.

my sun shines,
just not nearly as long.
my plants grow but
nothing like summers

summer you’re beautiful
you always will be to me at least
my friends hate you
Because they say you’re to much to handle

they never make sense
I can only love you.
Because you and i
will never live together.
a rough piece with only one meaning.
ayd Feb 2018
i am a painter
no master by any means
i just hold a brush and a bucket beside me
i lather my brush with colors of the unknown

it’s a choice made moments before
had I planned this, it’d go for millions.
but instead, it’s the aftermath of thought.
it is my conscious,

it is my will to live ,
it is the life I give,
it is my affection for others.
my comfort in others
The love I take the love I love the love I hate.

the love of everything
the love makes the water in my glass cup full
the color is often red
or some shade of it

although it is a spontaneous choice
my instinct knows the pattern
the color of blood,
it’s so hard to see.

yet here I am
putting the brush back in again
to let another drop fall
i hope the time, the color is not red.
a friend was talking to me about how she expresses herself through paintings. she explained it with so much ease. i realized that i paint just as much as her. i just always forget to use a canvas and paint.
ayd Mar 2018
a day of your smile
is a year of endless sunshine.
you are my light
you are perfect
how you have come
please don’t change your beautiful sun
i actually like this new person in my life.
ayd Mar 2018
only a ghost knows it’s Home
I don’t have one
I’ve known none
Every base collapses

Setting a pathway Of rumble around me
The dust chalks up
My lungs fill up
i become my forgotten home

i must be a ghost for me to know
in the midst of my emotions of comfort and affection. The settlement of discomfort and destruction is still present. It does not leave, it simply reduces it's intensity.
ayd Mar 2018
A divine red steals my attention
My gaze can not be broken
To flow like no other
Color so profound

Within it is wisdom, beauty and all of the truths
The purest it can be
This view is my muse
Here I find, roses, water and honey.
This is by far a favorite piece i've written in a long time.
ayd Mar 2018
The light you give is a Kiss from the soul
It’s lips press against mine
The touch is so light
Yet it rushes through me

the moments together are like no other
an errand is a moment with you

we could be overseas
in London holding tea
in your bedroom wrapped up in your sheets

or watching a sunset
stretch across the waters on the beach
any moment with you is light for my soul
light kisses you in such a way that it is almost indescribable. The feeling of comfort generated from light has no comparison. But, here's me trying to sum it up in a few sentences.
ayd Apr 2018
in these waters, drowning
my hands shoot to the light above
as my feet kiss the abyss
with my eyes i see in front

the endless
immersed in it all
my head is flooded
my eyes just letting out

they close, i shut them tight
do not open tonight
i've fallen in love.
become my depression.
found a passion.

and am lost in all of it.
ayd May 2018
in these waters, drowning
my hands shoot to the light above
as my feet kiss the abyss
with my eyes i see in front

the endless
immersed in it all
my head is flooded
my eyes

they close, i shut them tight
do not open for the night
the only person i've shared this with, they cried. so i like it.
ayd May 2018
around my hand
this thread is raveled
tighter it gets
the stronger i hold

my heart is laced
for me to hold
the string that pulls
sinks deep into the tissue

until the blood
drips to kiss
the floor, the puddle of love
it all morphed into more

then what was presented
surprise, your presence
leave me level headed
i can’t think straight, my lines inverted

you invented as i invested
i love you, there i said it
this subdues my void
you are not my toy

i can’t play these games
leave in fantasies
look
i don't even remember when i wrote this.
i can only imagine how deep in the void i was.
ayd Apr 2018
hands run along the arch

as the skin

of the fruit ripens, the trial these fingers

leave, blazes with a need to follow.



to your light

digest me

and my shadows.

leave your glitter



for me to find.

a year later

take with you

my independence.



conjure the beast of evolution.

as i grip and sink

my teeth into your openings.

savory every drip is.



there’s been a thirst

to restore.

all that was once lost.

now, i wait



while the drought approaches.

from over the mountains

a tainted view, as the clouds part ways.

to reveal all that is ahead.



the future holds with it

a spear of truth.

tempted to pierce all that stands.

before my feet, the love for you



that comes with grief.

seeping through

the walls of my sanity.

until this room is no longer vacant



but before then.

i will cherish the juice that drips.

onto my lips

through this fruitful kiss.
i've been in love a lot and i think my sad/happy ratio is extremely imbalanced.
My adaption to abandonment and departure prevents growth in other areas of my life. I expect things to never last. I give in to my weakness. I let my mental health overcome my reality and turn the garden of life into a graveyard.
ayd Apr 2018
as this sunrise

gives me a blanket of comfort

irreplaceable by women; i bring my head to ground

the presences is seized by the morning.

imagine, your scent to wander this place.

the lavender trails, the roses to follow

the honey to study, the water to admire

and the peach to taste

the skin is ****; the fruits is underneath

to my eyes, it will be a taste to remember

the juice release a call of appreciation

for a touch to outline the color

anxious, impatience, to feel the sunrise it is

on my lips as my tongue believes in it

to be the only fruit left; i will savior every bit

until the peach is ready

but i will not be here

when it will grow it’s garden

for i have fallen in love

and the thought has harden

it will be broken; this love is not meant to be

at least; not in the way that i have felt

my acceptance of news comes with jealousy

i was so hopeful of time to be spent

as the roots unraveled all of their thought

inside of the soil, the exteriors grew itself.

the color diversify what the eye will see

a forest now; enchanting my view with the green

as the scent of the petals ****** my will to resist

i know, that this garden is not home

although; i got to kiss

the sweetest of peaches

i am not yours

so with me i’ll take

all of my love; into my backpack

and travel these roads again

until i stumble on a view; that i have not yet.

but please all that i ask

is you let my trail

not be covered; and let my path be one you remember.
as you know, i've fallen for someone. but, the reality of it is to harsh to bare.
i am ill and know that all love can not penetrate that of my mind and be healthy. the darkness is far to strong for now to not intrude. i'm in love with you and i don't think i'll ever tell you the truth.
ayd May 2018
the motion of crowds; sip their wine
slowly, each glass lustfully kisses their lips
leaving behind only a stain
privileged now, their lips speak with color, standing out

insisting a dance; to songs unbeknownst to my feet
the night is ripe, a sweet blackberry to ingest
savory on my eyes, the lids shut to find
the bit of light within, before the darkness befriends

unveil the raveled threat constricting my sight
the honey lights travel as far as sound
stretching down the walls, collecting in a pool
gathered beneath, the crowd begins to surround

their faces are unclear pictures
yet, their eyes are piercing
hungry for the flesh, but my bone is so close
as they made their hand with my skin

press their palm on my wrist, hold my neck as the noose
my empire is weak already, up in flames
my kingdom meets the furry of death
disguised in sight, for many years

the majesty of unknown sung from afar
but with it comes to a rhythm, that my muscles
can recall as we do to blink and breathe, chew and swallow.

to the flames, i will take
these final secrets kept in the pocket of my heart
they may sip and be drunk
and insist that the dance is theirs, but i resist

as their fingers leave my glass eyes
they will only leave a mark, to be cleaned
but not carry with them my identity.
ayd Apr 2018
a women fosters
the strength of the boy’s nectar.
as it begins
to take its shape.

the inception
presents possibilities.
that only a women will harvest right.
you let my nectar

collect beneath
and find a stream.
far away from your home
now to cultivate.

all that i am
can not be done.
the same as you could have
i do not blame.

your mistakes
because i know
i could not care of nectar either.
for i am weak, like you.

that is how
you let my nectar,
go. now my shape has formed
and has no more room for you to grow.
this person in my life who i thought for so long was the person who would always be my side. turned into the only thing that i can not bare.
ayd May 2018
plagued streets, a ghost sweeps these grounds
they always call as i am out
faces come and go, with the wobble of the earth
shake shake shake as beads would in the can

the sound of contact, conjure laughter
echoes as the street names past
just like that, the sickness
kisses my forehead goodbye

retreating to the doorway to leave as a shadowed figure in the light
this bed leaves me to wonder
why are you kissing me good bye

just for you to come again
befriend me, show your face in the joy
instead of giving me this pain of absence.
ayd Apr 2018
the trimmings scatter as leaves would atop a pond
the seasons alter, wardrobes prosper with unearthed color
those shoes, bound to an unfamiliar present
the dress appeals your face, myriad angels kisses carry grace to your ******

the beaches sport playtime, soda bottles clacking as thunder
while the water sways in the breeze
as this late day would bring time for a hammock swing
body on body, gazing to the edge

as the sun torches the blue sea for a final time
buried in my sight is it’s majestic flocking
sunken now, drowned the sky
while the moon shows only half of its smile

a fire pit battles air, growing as the battle turns old
laughters travel like the amber
in the night, they journey far as light can see
in the shadows, whispers mark existence

in all the mystery that escapes with distance
for what i can not see, only comes across as sound
is none sense to you but yet they seem to surround
with arrows waiting to strike their daggers

hidden in the sway of the water
half the moon must be stronger
to see what is, ready to attack
my wounds, as if my bone calls for such disaster

laughter, laughter, hear them sing
as antagonist to this boys sanity
amber, amber, smell the air
as the light outside disappears
with the seasons changing, i'll be out more at night.
where the light does not see, i will project my fears.
ayd May 2018
bullets gathered in commune;
rallied with the spirit of fate
at the nose, rest the breath to come
as my touch gives you strength to escape

to ash the skull will turn
from the flustered blush; to a berry plucked
after all the thoughts it has lured
mourns the abscesses of something more
i'm still alive after last week.
ayd May 2018
these thoughts of you keep life warm
the fire burns uncovered; the presence loves expulsion of brisk
frosting the trail for as long as i can recall
every step, beneath was nothing but a trip

until the thoughts of you started coming in
unmarked, ****, but yet a future it told
the light; it glows in a stance of fate
to be seen with the eyes but felt with the mind

airy winds gust, the ambers are caught; mirror of a fire fly
that drift through the blue crest night
an extension, the light that carries gathers darkness
to relive the tension felt by happiness
the northern frost; stretches cross the land
your foot print is to set forth
a trail that i may follow
on the hollow nights to find where you are

give me your breath, before the brisk intrudes
i will hold it, by my heart.
the cold it comes with intent to steal
our souls, close as yours can be
if i feel it, the cold will go

our hands will lock, i’ll pull you close
have my lips meet your neck, race along your chest
falling to your stomach
now your thighs, i open your legs

may my tongue give you health
and let you feel, what someone so divine should
the love and affection
we can lay on one another

and wish the cold a goodnight.
i feel her pain when we touch and it reminds me of all the things that i've done wrong. through the pain i feel alive and with the love i see the light within this pit of darkest times.
ayd Jul 2018
every raindrop gives aid to my vines
entangled in the thought you must be
of loving the garden where your naked feet
have touched the muddy water

to clean it off, you must leave
but with you, if you must be gone
please take with you
at least one seed

but may you stay, let your feet sink deep
with every step, that stomp will leave
a print that only you can give to me
your identity can hold my leaves

instead of them running free along the floor
can they trace the contour of your curves
and be held in the palm
of your fate telling grasp

the universe, i have always asked it
these vines they grow, these leaves so green
but for what if they are only meant for me
stay by here and you may see what it means to have my seasonal seeds.
the ****** broke the other night and i think i wrote this as a way to cope.
ayd Jul 2018
may the juice of your fruit
bring me to death
cementing my grave
onto my lips, the filling it gives

unearthing a taste
only savored weeks apart
one God if they may take my soul
could have saved me had it’s heart been on patrol

with the hands lift my spirit
from the grave that has kept my bearings
secret, as intent to **** a royal for their fortuntes
as i am peasant, desperate for its gold

with its juice, i pray this sip
lay my head from its whiff  
there is no more life to give
all this pain makes what is left sick
ayd Jul 2018
indebted by the voices
harmonizing to your choir
notes rung so high
i can hardly grasp  the height of it

in my ears, the rhythm slips
down to fall into a skip
the pavement breaks, a whirlwind sends
shake the earth for once to take my sense

the sound is mentioned in whispers
that only the angels can listen to
when they rest their white dress
my blooded fit always left a stain

the red dyed  
as if roses sink into the stitching
that only you could clean
and rid the marks always left by me

but the touch for a final time
of your linen, may bring my distress fashion
the imagine it needed
before leaving

yet, it has been chaos
my eyes have meant
a burning home
now these sockets can find sleep to my fingers

all that was left was the aroma
of your scent, that lifted me high
the wind that carried
now drops my weight

all that’s left is my remains
ayd Jul 2018
JULY 08 2018

The silhouette of your body is still fresh on my mind
i day dream of roaming it day and night
are you mine to keep on my side
or do you plan to leave at sunrise?
make sure i am sound asleep
because i can’t see the thought of you
walking out that door
taking with you everything that is me, you came in peace
And came to please
My body, my mind, and my soul.

HOOK:
ayd Jul 2018
another day another thing
for me to fall in love with
take me so far away
from the pain i feel today

sing to me,
the voice sounds so sweet
with those tears
that rain in my hands,

i will hold
you like you’ve never known, before
baby quit closing all these doors
i want to get inside of you and explore

show you things from my view
i’ve found my cure
the numbing is no more
you’ve taking me within my amour

— The End —